Super User slonezp Posted May 18, 2012 Super User Posted May 18, 2012 The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex, often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On the way home from work, he pulled his service truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate, he closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard , "This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.."
Traveler2586 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 , "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.." That would be my luck too.... Good one
Traveler2586 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." 2
Super User Raider Nation Fisher Posted May 20, 2012 Super User Posted May 20, 2012 I must be smart as all hell, right now then. Just now leaving the Chelsea FC party we were at. 20 pints of guiness and I feel wonderbar. GO CHELSEA!!! Now to go find some food. Me thinks krystal should be perfect. Anyway peace out for tonight yall. And GO CHELSEA!!!! CHELSEA TIL I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!
OHIO Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Too bad alcohol doesn't kill brain cells. Other than that, it was a funny joke.
Traveler2586 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 A blonde and brunette are walking down the street when they see the brunett's boyfriend leaving the flower shop with a nice flower arrangement. Great says the brunette, guess I'll spend the next week on my back with my feet stuck up in the air. Don't you have a flower pot? asked the blonde.
skyerp Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 You have ten gold fish, 7 drown how many do you have left? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it does it still make a noise? How many of each animal did moses have on the ark? Why does the marine corps have such nice dress unifoms?
preach4bass Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 That's so funny! We raise meat rabbits, and yesterday evening after Church we were out at the pens feeding them, when my wife saw our youngest daughter (1) about to cram a handful of droppings in her mouth. She'd never done that before, but we realized that they looked a lot like the new cereal mama had brought home this week. No more coco-puffs at our house!
Super User Raider Nation Fisher Posted May 21, 2012 Super User Posted May 21, 2012 That's hysterical. I needed that laugh today.
Traveler2586 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 You have ten gold fish, 7 drown how many do you have left? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it does it still make a noise? How many of each animal did moses have on the ark? Why does the marine corps have such nice dress unifoms? WAIT !!! Where are the answers??
skyerp Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 WAIT !!! M Where are the answers?? Most people say 3 fish but fish dont drown and to the tree ine i guess that could be debated moses never had an ark it was moses and the reason the marime corps has nice dress unifroms is cuz tye navy likes to dress up there girls I thnk there funny
Super User deaknh03 Posted May 21, 2012 Super User Posted May 21, 2012 WAIT !!! Where are the answers?? you have 10 goldfish, 7 dead and 3 alive sound is only sound when perceived by the ear, so if no one hears it, no sound moses didnt have an ark dont know this one
Traveler2586 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 ........................and the reason the Marine corps has nice dress uniforms is cuz tye navy likes to dress up there girls................. oh,,, them there could be fight'n words I'm a think'n it's to get the girls
Super User slonezp Posted May 21, 2012 Super User Posted May 21, 2012 Don't remember if I posted this one and I'm not going back thru all the pages. Penguin goes to the auto mechanic and drops off his car... Sez he's going to lunch and will be back in an hour... Orders a sandwich with extra mayo and sits to eat... Finishes his lunch and goes to see what the mechanic has to say... Mechanic sez, " looks like you've blown a seal"... Penguin wipes his mouth and sez, "No really. it's just mayo"...
Fish Chris Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Okay... A guy walks into the Dr's office for a physical. The Dr. tells him, just get yourself undressed, and I will be right with you. So the guy sits down and removes his shoes.The Dr. happens to glance over, and sees that the guys toes are all crooked and twisted. What the heck happened to your toes the Dr. asks ? Oh, well as a child, I got "tolio" the guy says. Tolio ?!, don't you mean "polio" ? The guys says, No, tolio... it only affects the toes. So the Dr' is like... well okay. If you say so. So the guy stands up and takes his pants off, at which point, the Dr' notices the guys knees are all crooked, and messed up ! What the heck happened to your knees, the Dr' asks ? Well, when I was a kid, I got the "neasles"... The neasels ?!?! Don't you mean to say, "the measles" ? The Dr. asks ? No... The neasles. It only affects the knees. So by now, the Dr' is thinking, this guy must have some serious issues ! Finally, the guy drops his boxers, at which point the Dr' said... "Wait ! Don't tell me...... You had small cox LOL ~~~~~~~~~ After telling this joke, I usually turn around to one of the guys listening, and hit them with, "You never told us you were having a physical ? LOL Peace, Fish
Super User Raider Nation Fisher Posted May 21, 2012 Super User Posted May 21, 2012 Okay... A guy walks into the Dr's office for a physical. The Dr. tells him, just get yourself undressed, and I will be right with you. So the guy sits down and removes his shoes.The Dr. happens to glance over, and sees that the guys toes are all crooked and twisted. What the heck happened to your toes the Dr. asks ? Oh, well as a child, I got "tolio" the guy says. Tolio ?!, don't you mean "polio" ? The guys says, No, tolio... it only affects the toes. So the Dr' is like... well okay. If you say so. So the guy stands up and takes his pants off, at which point, the Dr' notices the guys knees are all crooked, and messed up ! What the heck happened to your knees, the Dr' asks ? Well, when I was a kid, I got the "neasles"... The kneasels ?!?! Don't you mean to say, "the measles" ? The Dr. asks ? No... The neasles. It only affects the knees. So by now, the Dr' is thinking, this guy must have some serious issues ! Finally, the guy drops his boxers, at which point the Dr' said... "Wait ! Don't tell me...... You had small cox LOL ~~~~~~~~~ After telling this joke, I usually turn around to one of the guys listening, and hit them with, "You never told us you were having a physical ? LOL Peace, Fish ROFLMAO that's a good one. :D
Super User Raider Nation Fisher Posted May 21, 2012 Super User Posted May 21, 2012 Don't remember if I posted this one and I'm not going back thru all the pages. Penguin goes to the auto mechanic and drops off his car... Sez he's going to lunch and will be back in an hour... Orders a sandwich with extra mayo and sits to eat... Finishes his lunch and goes to see what the mechanic has to say... Mechanic sez, " looks like you've blown a seal"... Penguin wipes his mouth and sez, "No really. it's just mayo"... That's funny as all hell right there.
DeadEyeDavey Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Most people say 3 fish but fish dont drown and to the tree ine i guess that could be debated moses never had an ark it was moses and the reason the marime corps has nice dress unifroms is cuz tye navy likes to dress up there girls I thnk there funny Most people say 3 fish but fish dont drown and to the tree ine i guess that could be debated moses never had an ark it was moses and the reason the marime corps has nice dress unifroms is cuz tye navy likes to dress up there girls I thnk there funny Actually you can drown a fish, its quite simple.
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