Super User RoLo Posted May 31, 2014 Super User Posted May 31, 2014 Adding or changing a letter produces a new word with a new meaning:  Intaxicaton The short-lived euphoria following a tax reduction  Sarchasm The gap between the satirist and the reader who doesn't get it  Ignoranus An uninformed person who behaves like an ass  Osteopornosis Refers to the hardening caused by viewing obscene material  Giraffiti Vandalous scrawling on public property, well above human reach  Glibido The ability of elderly men to speak fluently about sex, after the desire is gone  Roger 1
macmichael Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Grandpa and grandma were sitting on the porch. All of a sudden granny hauls off and knocks the crap out of gramps. After he recovers he asks why she did that. She says because you were a lousy lover all these years. A few minutes went by, then gramps knocks the crap outta her. After she recovers she asked him why he did that. Gramps says that's for knowing the difference!!!! 2
Super User A-Jay Posted June 3, 2014 Super User Posted June 3, 2014 A little girl asked her Mom,"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"Mom replies,"No, because she is in heat.""What's that mean?" asked the child."Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."The little girl goes to the garage and says,"Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little gasoline, anddabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,"OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one timeround the block."The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"  The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down theblock, so another dog is pushing her home."   A-Jay  7
Kevin Beachy Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=LyviyF-N23A
Kevin Beachy Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.  And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.  To my "selected" strange-minded friends:  If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. I'm not to sure about that, I read it. This is weird, but interesting!   7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.   If you can read this, you have a strange mnid, too. Only 55 people out of 100 can.  I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it  FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT   Forward it & put 'YES' in the Subject Line  Even if you are not old, you will find this interesting... 2
Kevin Beachy Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Did I read that sign right?TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOWIn a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUTIn a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRSÂ In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKENIn an office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARDÂ Outside a secondhand shop:Â WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESSSpotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)ELEPHANTSÂ Â PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CARSeen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOORNotice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONSOn a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh.. **************************** 1
Kevin Beachy Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Alabama A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.  "Where's Henry?" the others asked.  "Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.  "You left Henry layin' out there, and carried the deer back?" they inquired.  "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry."   Louisiana A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."  When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana, 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."   Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"  Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"   The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."   North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.  A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious, that he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.  The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."   Tennessee A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"   Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"  "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "  ***  Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North. 4
Traveler2586 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 You might be a fisherman if... 1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener. 2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat. 3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter". 4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file. 5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels. 6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude". 7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you. 8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp. 9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family. 10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal. 1
Super User A-Jay Posted June 11, 2014 Super User Posted June 11, 2014 Â Ask him - and he'll tell you that was a Very Foul Ball. Â A-Jay 1
Kevin Beachy Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Did you know that ford is making a new design in there truck. A heated tailgate so you can keep your hands worm while pushing it down the road in the snow. 4
Super User *Hootie Posted June 11, 2014 Super User Posted June 11, 2014 Did you know that ford is making a new design in there truck. A heated tailgate so you can keep your hands worm while pushing it down the road in the snow. Now that's funny! Hootie 1
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014                                                                                     The Tradition at weddings  A little boy at wedding says to his mom,"Why is the girl wearing white?" ''Because she's happy and this her happiest day of her life.'' "Well then why is the boy wearing black?"
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014                                                                                  I have ''great'' news for you  A newly wed wife said to her husband,"I have great news! There is about to be 3 people in this house instead of 2!" The man started jumping up and down cheering out of excitement. Then his wife said,"I'm glad you feel this way since my mom is moving in with us tomorrow."
Super User A-Jay Posted June 20, 2014 Super User Posted June 20, 2014 This is such a touching story,I thought you would enjoy it.  A-Jay    The Last KissBack on January 9th, a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby..... whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"  She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!"  While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... Why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"  So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that.... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.  After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,  "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the heck are you committing suicide?"  "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."  It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed. 8
Super User slonezp Posted June 21, 2014 Super User Posted June 21, 2014 A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in here drawing welfare month after month. I'd really much rather have a job". The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur-bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy says, "You're bullsh__ting me!" The social worker says, "Well ......Yeah, but you started it." 6
Traveler2586 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 An older lady named Ida was somewhat lonely since her cat died and decided she needed another pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her. He whispered, 'I'M LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.' Ida figured what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY..'! So, Ida figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog. IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince. THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED IDA'S KISS. SUDDENLY IDA FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IDA TURNED INTO?  COME ON GUESS!    *  *  *  *  *    SHE TURNED INTO  the first Holiday Inn  SHE COULD FIND!!!    She's old...... NOT DEAD!!!!! 2
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