Super User clayton86 Posted May 2, 2014 Super User Posted May 2, 2014 I was #700 but my post mysteriously disappeared minutes after I made it. Because it was raider in tipps dirty underwear and no one wants to see that
Super User Lund Explorer Posted May 2, 2014 Super User Posted May 2, 2014 I was #700 but my post mysteriously disappeared minutes after I made it. Â Don't blame me. Â All I did was "Like" it!
Traveler2586 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 I was #700 but my post mysteriously disappeared minutes after I made it.  So it must of been really B A D........  I blame the Mods......, it's always the Mods......., they did it.......
Traveler2586 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Anyone want to place bets on when we reach 1000?
Traveler2586 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 If you have moved into a new neighborhood and would like to meet some of your local law enforcement officials ~ On your very next Trash day Pack the trash like this. Chances are you'll meet a few in short order.  A-Jay  Special Garbage wrap.jpg  Around here, I don't think anyone would give a flying........  And the trash service wouldn't touch it because it's not in a proper can. 1
Super User slonezp Posted May 3, 2014 Super User Posted May 3, 2014 So it must of been really B A D........  I blame the Mods......, it's always the Mods......., they did it....... Honestly, I didn't think it was that bad 1
sparky241 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Today o feel like toilet paper, I was on a roll then I had to deal with a lot of other peoples crap 5
Traveler2586 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Honestly, I didn't think it was that bad  Maybe someone didn't take the time to read it, or they failed the test R E A L L Y bad. 1
Super User Sam Posted May 6, 2014 Super User Posted May 6, 2014 The minister called the children to the alter for their Sunday children's talk, as he has done for all the years he has been the church's pastor. Â The little darlings rushed to the front of the church and sat down as the old minister took his place at the top of the alter stairs. Â He thanked them for coming to see him and told them that since Easter was approaching he wanted to speak to them about the resurrection. Â "Do any of you know what a resurrection is?" he asked the kids. Â "Yes!" a young boy exclaimed as he raised his hand in excitement. Â "So tell us, my son, what is the resurrection?" the minister question the young man. Â "Well, I am not too sure but I do know that if your resurrection lasts more than four hours you need to see a doctor." Â It took almost 15 minutes to restore order in the church. 6
Traveler2586 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014   EOD personnel are crazy people...... Go EOD !!!!
ROCbass Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?Son: At school.The robot slaps the son.Son: Ok! I watched a DVD at my mates.Dad: Which one?Son: Kung Fu Panda.The robot slaps the son again.Son: Ok! It was a Porno.Dad: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!The robot slaps the Dad.Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he’s your son.The robot slaps the mom... 3
Super User RoLo Posted May 8, 2014 Super User Posted May 8, 2014 This joke was told to me right around 1960, vintage humor from a naive era  A gentleman from England finally got to see New York City. While riding in a taxicab he told the cabbie that this was his first time in America. The cabbie asked the Englishman if he'd like to hear an American joke and the Englishman replied: "Don't mind if I do". With that the cabbie began: "It's not my brother and it's not my sister, but this man's father is my father's son..…Who is it?" The Englishman mulled it over awhile then said: "I give up, who is it?" The cabbie replied: "It's ME!" The Englishman laughed: "Jolly good mate, jolly good; I need to remember that one". Back in his homeland the Englishman enters the local pub. He bellied up beside an old crony and proudly asked: "Would you like to hear an American joke?" and his crony replied, "Don't mind if I do". With that the Englishman began: "It's not my brother and it's not my sister, but this man's father is my father's son..…Who is it?". After mulling it over awhile his crony said: "I give up, who is it". and the Englishman replied: "Some Blooming Cabbie in New York".  Roger 2
Super User Dwight Hottle Posted May 9, 2014 Super User Posted May 9, 2014 A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.The woman's husband also comes home.She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'The man says, 'Yes, it is.'Boy: 'I have a baseball.'Man:'That's nice'Boy: 'Want to buy it?'Man: 'No, thanks.'Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'Man: 'OK, how much?'Boy: '$250'In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy: 'Dark in here.'Man: 'Yes, it is.'Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'The lover, remembering the last time,asks the boy, How much?'Boy: '$750'Man: 'Sold.'A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.' The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'Boy: '$1,000'The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.The boy says, 'Dark in here..'The priest says, 'Don't start that **** again; you're in my closet now.' Â Â 12
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014                                                        Taxi Driver In Heaven       A priest and a taxi driver died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. He said to the taxi driver, "Please, come with me." He took him to a great mansion filled with bowling allies, a buffet, and an olympic size pool. "Thank you so much, St. Peter!" said the taxi driver. Then St.Peter went to the priest and said, Please, come with me." as they were walking the priest was getting excited because he saw what the taxi driver got, and since he was a priest and would some thing even better. St. Peter led him to an old, dark, small room with a bunk bed and a small tv set,"Here we are. This is yours," said St. Peter. The priest was confused and said, "Wait a sec. I was a priest and he drove a car his whole life, shouldnt I get the mansion?" "No. You see, when you spoke in your church people went to sleep, and when people rode in his cab people prayed.
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014                                                              A Sermon About Lying  At the end of church one morning the pastor said, "Next week I'll be doing a sermon on lying. To help yall understand it better, I want yall to read Mark 17. The next Sunday the pastor said, "Ok, by a show of hands, who read Mark 17?" Everyone raised there hand. "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will now proceed my sermon on the sin of lying." 2
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014                                                                The Preacher is Dying  An old preacher dying. He sent messages for his lawyer and banker, both church members, to come to his house. When they both arrived they were ushered up to the preachers room. When they came in he signaled for them to come to his side, both holding one of his hands. He sighed contently, smiled, and just looked at the ceiling. They were both flattered that the preacher would have them at his side at his last moments. They were also puzzeled because he never showed any indacation that he liked any of them. They both then remembered many of his long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious, that made them squirm in there seats. Finally the banker asked,"Preacher, whyd you ask us to come?" "Because Jesus died between to thieves, and thats how I wanna go out too."
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014                                                          Burglars Broke In  An elderly women had just returned home from her Wednesday night Bible study when she was startled by an intruder taking all her valuables. Then she yelled,"Stop! Acts 2:38!" [ turn away from sin] The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the lady calmly called 911. When the police arrested the burglar they asked,"Whyd you stop? All she did was say a Bible verse. "Bible verse?!? She said she has an axe and two 38s!" 1
papajoe222 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 A priest, a minister, and a rabi are out fishing in a boat not far from shore. The rabi exclaimes: "I've left my medications in the car, I'll be right back." He proceeds to get out of the boat, walk to shore and return the same way. They all sit in silence until the minister pipes up and says:"Mercy Lord, I've left my reading glasses in the car, I'll be right back." Just as the rabi did he walks from the boat to shore and back, sits down and begins retying his bait. The priest is thinking to himself; I'm just as holy as these men, if they can walk on water, I should be able to. He just needs an excuse, so he says:"Mother superior is expecting me to call in a few minutes, but I left my phone in the car. I'll be right back." With that he gets up, takes one step out of the boat and promptly goes under. The rabi and minister laugh so hard they have tears in their eyes as the priest bobs up. "I don't understand" the priest says. "Neither do we" replies the minister, "We both thought you knew where the rocks were, too." 3
sparky241 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 LOL,,,,,  Have you considered all the money you could save by not saying "I Do"???? after you say I do remember cheaper to keeper 1
Super User *Hootie Posted May 11, 2014 Super User Posted May 11, 2014 Cop to man: your eyes are all red, have you been drinking? Man to cop: officer, your eyes are all glazed, have you been eating donuts. Hootie 2
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014                                                          Car broke down  A priest and a nun were traveling home from vacation when the car broke down. They couldnt get it fixed so they decided to get a hotel room for the night. The only hotel in the town had only one room left.  Priest:Sister, I dont think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we stayed in one room together. I'll sleep on the lounge, and you sleep on the bed. Nun: that would be ok. So they get food and settle in for the night. 10 min. later: Nun: Father, im very cold. Priest: Ok, ill get you a blanket. (he does) 10min. later: Nun: Father im still very cold. Priest:Ok, ill get you another one. (he does) 10min.later: Nun: Father, Im still cold, do you think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife for just one night? Priest: Well.. your probably right... get up and get your own blanket. 6
Super User RoLo Posted May 12, 2014 Super User Posted May 12, 2014 Ralph:   God, How long is a million years to you? God:    To me, a million years is like one second.Ralph:   God, how much is a million dollars to you?God:    To me, a million dollars is like one penny. Ralph:   God, can you find it in your heart to give me one penny?God:    Why certainly, just give me a second  Roger 6
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