Talonman Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 One day the The Hunchback of Notre Dame decides to go on a vacation, but he needs a replacement worker to ring the bell while he is away. So he posts the position with anybody who wants the job, must apply in person.The only man who shows up is a man with no arms...The Hunchback says 'far be it from me to discriminant against the handicapped, but you have to pull on this rope, to ring the bell'.The man replies, It's no problem, I'll just use my face...The Hunchback says 'What ???'The man said, 'Sure, It doesn't hurt me, watch... and proceeds to bang his face into the bell. RINGGGGGGGThe Hunchback says, 'That's good enough for me, you got the job...'The Hunchback only gets a few steps away from the bottom of the tower when the poor man slipped, and fell to his death, landing on the sidewalk below. SPLAT!!A crowd gathered, and the police were there, and asked, 'does anybody know his name?'The Hunchback replied, 'No, but his face rings a bell' 2
Super User A-Jay Posted March 4, 2014 Super User Posted March 4, 2014 One day the The Hunchback of Notre Dame decides to go on a vacation, but he needs a replacement worker to ring the bell while he is away. So he posts the position with anybody who wants the job, must apply in person. The only man who shows up is a man with no arms... The Hunchback says 'far be it from me to discriminant against the handicapped, but you have to pull on this rope, to ring the bell'. The man replies, It's no problem, I'll just use my face... The Hunchback says 'What ???' The man said, 'Sure, It doesn't hurt me, watch... and proceeds to bang his face into the bell. RINGGGGGGG The Hunchback says, 'That's good enough for me, you got the job...' The Hunchback only gets a few steps away from the bottom of the tower when the poor man slipped, and fell to his death, landing on the sidewalk below. SPLAT!! A crowd gathered, and the police were there, and asked, 'does anybody know his name?' The Hunchback replied, 'No, but his face rings a bell' I saw that one coming but it still made me LOL ~ . . Thanks A-Jay
ROCbass Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Raider was at the airport about to fly out for the bassresource roadtrip. After printing his boarding pass and checking his rods and tackle, he makes his way to the security checkpoint. Once he gets to the front of the line, he removes his shoes, tosses his bag on the conveyor, and goes through the metal detector. When he gets to the other side, the TSA agent working the x-ray machine asks him "sir, is this your bag?" Raider looks at the bag the TSA agent is holding, sees that it's his and says "yes, why do you ask?" The TSA agent then asks "are you aware that there's a dead raccoon in here?" To which Raider replies "Of course I am! It is my carrion, after all!" 3
Super User Redlinerobert Posted March 8, 2014 Super User Posted March 8, 2014 Raider was at the airport about to fly out for the bassresource roadtrip. After printing his boarding pass and checking his rods and tackle, he makes his way to the security checkpoint. Once he gets to the front of the line, he removes his shoes, tosses his bag on the conveyor, and goes through the metal detector. When he gets to the other side, the TSA agent working the x-ray machine asks him "sir, is this your bag?" Raider looks at the bag the TSA agent is holding, sees that it's his and says "yes, why do you ask?" The TSA agent then asks "are you aware that there's a dead raccoon in here?" To which Raider replies "Of course I am! It is my carrion, after all!"
blongfishing Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 They found 24 kids dead. They found the cause they were huffing brake fluid and they couldn't stop!
joefish Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 They found 24 kids dead. They found the cause they were huffing brake fluid and they couldn't stop! Really not a funny joke. 3
Super User Redlinerobert Posted March 11, 2014 Super User Posted March 11, 2014 That was supposed to be a joke? 3
Brian Needham Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 yeah, I get it......but I don't get it why someone would post that. 2
Brian Needham Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree ...on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility. 1
macmichael Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 A seal walks into a bar. Barkeep says what'll you have? Seal says anything but a canadian club. 4
macmichael Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 You know what you get when you goose a ghost? A hand full of sheet. 1
Traveler2586 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' 3
macmichael Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 What do you get when you cross a Collie with a watermellon? A little melancholy
macmichael Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 You know why you should never kiss a pig? They'll squeel on you.
Super User Ratherbfishing Posted March 13, 2014 Super User Posted March 13, 2014 did you hear that ornithologists discovered a new species of bird. It has a peculiar habit of flying over people and spitting on them. Naturally, they named it a Hawk Ptooey. 1
macmichael Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 What did the truck say to the trailer? Hey, follow me!!!!
macmichael Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 2 guys were walking down the street when they came upon a dog licking himself in the family jewels. Guy # 1 says to guy # 2. I wish I could do that!!! Guy # 2 says back to # 1. Don't you think you should get to know him first!!! 1
macmichael Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Grandpa and grandma were sitting on the porch. All of a sudden granny hauls off and punches gramps. He recovers and asks her why she hit him. She says that's for being a lousy lover. A few minutes later he knocks the crap out of her. She crawls back onto the porch and asks why he hit her. Gramps calmly says that's for knowing the difference.
macmichael Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 A guy walks into a bar. Says to the barkeep. Hey Jackass get me a beer. He obliges the man. The man drinks up and goes to the mens room. He returns and says loudly again, Hey Jackass get me a beer. Again he oblidges the man. This went on for about 2 hours and the man finally left. Another patron was observing this the whole time.He just could'nt resist. Hey barkeep, why did you let that man insult you. The bartender says oh that's alright, he all, he all, he allways calls me that. 3
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