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  • Super User
Posted

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"

  • Super User
Posted

Somewhere in these 35 pages that joke has already been posted!

 

Still funny.

 

 

:party-066:

  • Like 2
  • Super User
Posted

Somewhere in these 35 pages that joke has already been posted!

 

Still funny.

 

 

:party-066:

 

I was thinking the same thing -

 

But then I thought perhaps it was a bit of the "CRS" setting in

 

and there it is 4k

 

:eyebrows:

 

A-Jay

  • Like 3
Posted

4000......... now thats funny!!!!!!!

Hope you had a great Christmas and holiday!

  • Like 1
  • Super User
Posted

Thanks you too.

 

A-Jay

  • Super User
Posted

4000......... now thats funny!!!!!!!

Hope you had a great Christmas and holiday!

For the next 4000 I think a pinned thread. A-Jays inspirational thought of the day would be in order.

  • Like 1
  • Super User
Posted

For the next 4000 I think a pinned thread. A-Jays inspirational thought of the day would be in order.

 

OK -

 Always carry a litter bag in your vehicle.  If it gets filled up simply throw the entire thing right out the window and if you hit someone's lawn, there's a good chance that it will be picked up.

 

Oh and make sure there's no mail in it . . . .Otherwise they'll know it was you.

 

:eyebrows:

 

A-Jay

  • Like 1
Posted

Well Search isn't working, so I can't tell if this has been posted or not.  But who really cares anyway...........

 

 

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX

 

Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando  full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had an elephant?

 

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

 

I added that I probably shouldn't,  because I ended up in the  hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

 

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

 

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.

 

Better watch what you ask retired people.    They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.  

  • Like 3
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Super User
Posted

UP OR DOWN SEX


At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly

gentleman and an elderly lady

Struck up a conversation and discovered that

they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed,

they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they

headed to the river to his fishing boat and

started out on their adventure.


They were riding down the river when there was a

fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,


'Do you want to go up or down?'


All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt

and pants and made mad passionate love to the man

right there in the boat !


When they finished, the man couldn't believe

what had just happened, but he had just experienced

the best sex that he'd had in years.


They fished for a while and continued on down the

river, when soon they came upon another fork in the

river.


He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?'


There she went again, stripped off her clothes,

and made wild passionate love to him again.


This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so

he asked her to go fishing again the next day.


She said yes and there they were the next day,

riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in

river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'


The woman replied, 'Down.'


A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman

guided the boat down the river when he came upon

another fork in the river and he asked the

lady,' Up or down ?'


She replied, 'Up.'


This really confused the gentleman so he asked,


'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked

you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me.

Now today, nothing!'


She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing

my hearing aid and I thought the choices were

f**k or drown..

 

Posted

Omg those gummi bear reviews i lol'd like 15 minutes straight.

Posted

Read the reviews on these gummy bears.  I'm crying from laughter at some of them. 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC/

 

some of those are rich ........I will enjoy reading more after work.

it takes a lot for me to laugh out loud...but that did it.

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