papajoe222 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 The stork family was sitting down to a great dinner that mama stork had prepared, but papa stork never showed. The next day Jr. stork asked wherehe'd been. "I was out making a young married couple very happy." That night, mama stork never showed for dinner so they ordered out for pizza. The next day Jr. stork asked where she'd been. 'I was out making a young, married couple very happy." That night Jr. was absent at dinner and when he returned home well past midnight, papa stork was furious. ' Do you know what time it is? Where the heck have you been? ' I was at the co-ed dorm at the university scaring the s#*t out of a whole bunch of young, unwed couples.'
Super User Sam Posted January 24, 2015 Super User Posted January 24, 2015 Gotta love those grand-kids …I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,What day is tomorrow?"Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!"She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?"I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush, or Clinton,* *etc.She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of theWhite House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bulls**t."You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.* 4
Super User slonezp Posted January 24, 2015 Super User Posted January 24, 2015 Gotta love those grand-kids … I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, What day is tomorrow?" Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush, or Clinton,* *etc. She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bulls**t." You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.* Way I heard it Do you know what day tomorrow is? "Yes I do. It's Good Friday" Do you know the history of Good Friday? "Yes I do. It celebrates the day Jesus died for us" Do you know what day Sunday is? "Yes I do. It's Easter Sunday" Do you know the history of Easter Sunday? "Yes I do. It celebrates the day Jesus rose from the dead, and if he sees his shadow there's 6 more weeks of winter" 1
Super User A-Jay Posted January 25, 2015 Super User Posted January 25, 2015 Looks like that one didn't make the cut. Sorry. I'll do better next time. A-Jay
Smokinal Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 ^^^Man, that was quick...I liked it though 1
Super User roadwarrior Posted January 25, 2015 Super User Posted January 25, 2015 No it wasn't "bad", but the guidelines are simple and straight forward. The entire Forum, including Everything Else and the Joke thread in particular, is moderated to be "G" for General Audiences. Occasionally a PG or even M will slip by, it just happens. -Kent 1
Super User A-Jay Posted January 25, 2015 Super User Posted January 25, 2015 No it wasn't "bad", but the guidelines are simple and straight forward. The entire Forum, including Everything Else and the Joke thread in particular, is moderated to be "G" for General Audiences. Occasionally a PG or even M will slip by, it just happens. -Kent It's all good & I'm with you 100% ~ I do enjoy the jokes in this thread and several are really funny. But I respect the "Spirit" of this forum completely and appreciate the opportunity to be a part of it, and strive to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. A-Jay
Super User slonezp Posted January 25, 2015 Super User Posted January 25, 2015 It's all good & I'm with you 100% ~ I do enjoy the jokes in this thread and several are really funny. But I respect the "Spirit" of this forum completely and appreciate the opportunity to be a part of it, and strive to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. A-Jay Suck up I enjoy your posts but all those photoshopped bass pics have got to go. Everyone knows they don't grow bass that big in the frozen tundra. 2
Super User A-Jay Posted January 25, 2015 Super User Posted January 25, 2015 Suck up I enjoy your posts but all those photoshopped bass pics have got to go. Everyone knows they don't grow bass that big in the frozen tundra. Hey tough guy ~ that's not photoshop. - my fishing buddies are just very gifted photographers . . . . . . A-Jay 2
Traveler2586 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Looks like that one didn't make the cut. Sorry. I'll do better next time. A-Jay PM it to me please, I didn't get a chance to see it. 1
Super User gardnerjigman Posted January 25, 2015 Super User Posted January 25, 2015 PM it to me please, I didn't get a chance to see it. X2 1
Super User A-Jay Posted January 25, 2015 Super User Posted January 25, 2015 PM it to me please, I didn't get a chance to see it. X2 Joke Time pm sent A-Jay 2
Super User gardnerjigman Posted January 26, 2015 Super User Posted January 26, 2015 Joke Time pm sent A-Jay That was great! 2
ClackerBuzz Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 An old man is sitting quietly at a bar drinking whisky. After an hour of steady drinking, he leans over and says to the young man next to him, "I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye." Obviously this is impossible, and seeing an opportunity to take an easy 20 off a drunk, the young man says, "Okay. You're on." The old man, whips his artificial eye out and bites it. The young man sighs at being so easily fooled and hands over $20. The old man finishes another drink and then leans over again and say, "I bet you 100 bucks I can bite the other eye." Now the young man knows the man can see him and doesn't have two artificial eyes. So again he says. "You're on." The old man then whips off his dentures and bites the other eye. 2
Super User A-Jay Posted January 26, 2015 Super User Posted January 26, 2015 Story of the OuthouseThere was a little boy who lived in the country.The family still used an outhouse and the little boy hated it because it was so hot inthe summer, freezing cold in the winter and smelled all the time.The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined thatone day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek.So, one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek.He found a large pole and started pushing. Finally, after much effort, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.The boy knew that meant a spanking ... so he asked why.The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in schooltoday that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth ..."The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father probably wasn't in thecherry tree! A-Jay 1
Super User A-Jay Posted January 27, 2015 Super User Posted January 27, 2015 Member added to Joke PM Bang List ~ A-Jay 1
Traveler2586 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 Joke PM sent. The wife just walked into the room....... Oh,, Dear....... "the airline just called........" "why do they want to know if you'll be needing a return ticket from Guam?????" 1
Super User RoLo Posted January 27, 2015 Super User Posted January 27, 2015 A very old couple were sitting together on their patio. The old lady was working on a big glass of wine, and she says: “I love you so much…I don’t know how I could ever live without you”. Her husband asks: “Is that you…or the wine talking?” His wife replies, “It’s me….talking to the wine”. Roger 1
Traveler2586 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband liked to fish atthe crack of dawn; his wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. The wife, to escape her snoring husband, decided to take the boat out. Since she was not familiar with the lake, she rowed out to the middle, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside and said, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing here?" "Reading a book," she replied, thinking, "Is this guy blind or what?" "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her. "But, Officer, I'm not fishing. You can see that, surely." "But you have all the equipment, ma'am. I'll have to write you up." "If you do that, I will charge you with rape," returned the irate woman. "But I haven't even touched you," the sheriff objected. "That's true; but you have all the equipment." THE MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
Super User gardnerjigman Posted January 27, 2015 Super User Posted January 27, 2015 Joke pm sent. Guam bound!
Super User slonezp Posted January 27, 2015 Super User Posted January 27, 2015 A very old couple were sitting together on their patio. The old lady was working on a big glass of wine, and she says: “I love you so much…I don’t know how I could ever live without you”. Her husband asks: “Is that you…or the wine talking?” His wife replies, “It’s me….talking to the wine”. Roger Reminds me of a song. 2
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