FunkJishing Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 A woman's abord a plane while it's falling out of the sky and shouts "before i die i want to feel like a woman! who's man enough to make me feel like a woman!?" after a moment of awkward silence a guy takes off his shirt and yells "here iron this!" 4
Super User Sam Posted January 7, 2015 Super User Posted January 7, 2015 Sam, that's a repeat from 12/21/2014 (one page back) Â I am old. I forget easily. Â Anyway, it is still funny, 3
Traveler2586 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 No wonder men are happier. NICKNAMES· If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Sheila, Candy and Sarah. · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman . EATING OUT· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back..· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.  Men can't have babies...  Wedding Plans...woman's dress...$3000 Man's Tux rental...$100 bucksWoman plan every detail.... men just take a shower & show up... 1
dave Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 PROTECTIVE VESTS  PFD Life Vest  -  to protect you from drowning  Bullet Proof Vest  -  to protect you from bullets  Sweater Vest  -  to protect you from pretty girls... 1
ClackerBuzz Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but you must come back as a different creature. Â She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening". 2
Super User gardnerjigman Posted January 10, 2015 Super User Posted January 10, 2015 I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but you must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening". Wow! Really went for it there. Lol
Super User slonezp Posted January 10, 2015 Super User Posted January 10, 2015 Well, I thought it was funny.... 1
Super User Sam Posted January 11, 2015 Super User Posted January 11, 2015 1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let'sremove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.  2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.  3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably ticked.  4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.  5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.  6. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.  7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a  row!  8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.  9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers. If you find one, what's your plan?  10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. 4
Jd_Phillips_Fishin Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Ponderings collection Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?  Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?  Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?  You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?  Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?  Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?  Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?  Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong? Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? How can someone "draw a blank"? Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"? Why is the word "abbreviate" so long? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? What is another word for "thesaurus"? 2
Super User slonezp Posted January 11, 2015 Super User Posted January 11, 2015 Sam, thanks for the "like". I wasn't referring to clackerbuzz's post. I posted a joke about 3 dogs talking to each other at the vets office and it disappeared into thin air. 1
Super User deaknh03 Posted January 11, 2015 Super User Posted January 11, 2015 Sam, thanks for the "like". I wasn't referring to clackerbuzz's post. I posted a joke about 3 dogs talking to each other at the vets office and it disappeared into thin air. repost it
Super User roadwarrior Posted January 11, 2015 Super User Posted January 11, 2015 repost it  I don't think so...  Lots of posts on this thread don't make the cut and this was one of them. As all of you seasoned veterans know, this is a "Family Friendly" forum.  -Kent
Super User deaknh03 Posted January 11, 2015 Super User Posted January 11, 2015 I don't think so... Lots of posts on this thread don't make the cut and this was one of them. As all of you seasoned veterans know, this is a "Family Friendly" forum. -Kent Yep..its not family or mspca friendly..peta as well for that matter. Funny tho.
Super User roadwarrior Posted January 11, 2015 Super User Posted January 11, 2015 Yeah, sometimes great jokes just can't be posted here, but I still get to see 'em! Â Â 3
Traveler2586 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 I don't think so...  Lots of posts on this thread don't make the cut and this was one of them. As all of you seasoned veterans know, this is a "Family Friendly" forum.  -Kent Ya, you have to PM the good ones to your friends. 4
Super User Scott F Posted January 11, 2015 Super User Posted January 11, 2015 I don't think so...  Lots of posts on this thread don't make the cut and this was one of them. As all of you seasoned veterans know, this is a "Family Friendly" forum.  -Kent  A version of that same joke you deleted was told to Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show by Mary Tyler Moore probably more than 30 years ago. It was a little less crude version than the one that was cut but the punch line was almost the same.Â
Super User everythingthatswims Posted January 12, 2015 Super User Posted January 12, 2015 This was the thumbnail for a video called "Finesse Bass Fishing in California"... Â Â 2
Super User RoLo Posted January 12, 2015 Super User Posted January 12, 2015 This was the thumbnail for a video called "Finesse Bass Fishing in California"... Â Â Â That's odd scenery for a guy targeting swordfish. Â Roger
Smokinal Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 This was the thumbnail for a video called "Finesse Bass Fishing in California"... Â Â Well it's probably only a medium heavy and only 60lb braid....
Super User Dwight Hottle Posted January 13, 2015 Super User Posted January 13, 2015 Crow Road-kills    Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.  The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.  However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.  MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.  The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."  Amazing!     3
baluga Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 This was the thumbnail for a video called "Finesse Bass Fishing in California"...   Probably he's trying to catch World Record Bass. Last time I heard the WRB was caught in California
Super User slonezp Posted January 20, 2015 Super User Posted January 20, 2015 One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex.""Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked."Well, son, it's a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service."Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he finally managed to ask, "Which one, the 9:00 or 10:30 service? 9
papajoe222 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Three old geezers were sitting on a park bench. The fellow in the middle say reading the paper while his friends were 'fishing' casting out their imaginary lures and reeling in their 'fish'. This went on for the better part of an hour when a policeman approached the man reading the paper. "You need to get your buddies out of here. They're disturbing everyone." The man calmly put down his newspaper, grabbed his imaginary oars and frantically started rowing.
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