Traveler2586 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 OMG, I really don't know how to take this one... On one hand if that's a company T-shirt - I like the way they think; but on the other hand it's still some guy's butt crack. P.S. How many shots do I get for $12.00?
Super User Bassn Blvd Posted July 22, 2012 Super User Posted July 22, 2012 OMG, I really don't know how to take this one... On one hand if that's a company T-shirt - I like the way they think; but on the other hand it's still some guy's butt crack. P.S. How many shots do I get for $12.00? Those aren't butt cracks. They are seperated cheeks.
Daddyodo Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 A blond calls her boyfriend one night crying. Boy friend ask's whats wrong and the blond say's through her tears" I can't do it, I just can't do it." The boy friend asks what it is that she can't do? The blond say" s "ive been trying to put this crossword puzzle together and I just can't do it.' The boyfriend asks if she has the box with the picture on it and the blond say's yes. He ask's what is the picture and she say's its some kind of bird with a red cap on it's head. The boy friend say's that is a rooster. He then instructs her to start with the end pieces and work her way in. She say's ok and hangs up. About 2 hours later she calls back sobbing uncontrollably and cry's "i can't do it , I still can't do it, Ive tried and tried but all the pieces look the same" So the boy friend say's Ok take a break and I will come by and help. About 15 minutes later the boy friend shows up and ask's to see the puzzle. The blond is still crying as they walk into the kitchen where the boy friend takes a look at the picture on the box and has his girl friend sit down. He then looks at her and say's "honey you need to calm down, everything is going to be all right but the first thing we need to do is get the cereal back in the box"
Traveler2586 Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 "cereal back in the box" :laugh5: A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!
Super User rockchalk06 Posted July 26, 2012 Super User Posted July 26, 2012 These two blondes are driving down a county road when they stop and see a blond in a row boat in the middle of a corn field. First blonde says to the 2nd Blonde "I hate these dumb blondes doing stupid crap like this giving us all a bad name" 2nd blonde says "I agree. If I had a boat I'd row out there and kick her ass"
Super User slonezp Posted July 28, 2012 Super User Posted July 28, 2012 A friend told the blonde: "Christmas is on a Friday this year" The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." A blond is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" She says, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up A blonde woman and her neighbor were talking...The neighbor said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blond replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."- A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", he shouts, "This is her husband!" A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The Cop says "That's your air freshener swinging about!" A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks. "Here boy!" she replies. A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard. "I know," he replies, "but I couldn't breathe". A SRF asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
Super User Bassn Blvd Posted July 28, 2012 Super User Posted July 28, 2012 A Blonde Kidnapping A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some extra money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him to a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag as sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that read, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Traveler2586 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" P.S. I was corrected on FB when posting Blond jokes. My friend suggested that I use the term Bimbo as it covers all girls, not just Blonds. She her self is a blond
Captain Obvious Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 P.S. I was corrected on FB when posting Blond jokes. My friend suggested that I use the term Bimbo as it covers all girls, not just Blonds. hmmm I'd rather just have women with one type of hair color mad at me rather than the whole lot of them So two red heads in a blonde where driving in a open bed truck. The red heads where in the cab and the blonde was is the bed. So while they where driving they came to a bridge which went over the river. While riding over the bridge they hit a wet spot and drove off the bridge. The red heads survived but the blonde died because she couldn't get the tailgate open. Capt.O
Traveler2586 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 hmmm I'd rather just have women with one type of hair color mad at me rather than the whole lot of them So two red heads in a blonde where driving in a open bed truck. The red heads where in the cab and the blonde was is the bed. So while they where driving they came to a bridge which went over the river. While riding over the bridge they hit a wet spot and drove off the bridge. The red heads survived but the blonde died because she couldn't get the tailgate open. Capt.O
moguy1973 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 A blond calls her boyfriend one night crying. Boy friend ask's whats wrong and the blond say's through her tears" I can't do it, I just can't do it." The boy friend asks what it is that she can't do? The blond say" s "ive been trying to put this crossword puzzle together and I just can't do it.' The boyfriend asks if she has the box with the picture on it and the blond say's yes. He ask's what is the picture and she say's its some kind of bird with a red cap on it's head. The boy friend say's that is a rooster. He then instructs her to start with the end pieces and work her way in. She say's ok and hangs up. About 2 hours later she calls back sobbing uncontrollably and cry's "i can't do it , I still can't do it, Ive tried and tried but all the pieces look the same" So the boy friend say's Ok take a break and I will come by and help. About 15 minutes later the boy friend shows up and ask's to see the puzzle. The blond is still crying as they walk into the kitchen where the boy friend takes a look at the picture on the box and has his girl friend sit down. He then looks at her and say's "honey you need to calm down, everything is going to be all right but the first thing we need to do is get the cereal back in the box" This is the real joke right? Her trying to put together a crossword puzzle? Heh heh.
Daddyodo Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"
Daddyodo Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Some useless info 4 out of 5 baby beavers don't give a d**n 9 out of 10 constipated people don't give a crap and last but not least 2 out 3 baby owls don't give a hoot. 1
Super User deaknh03 Posted August 2, 2012 Super User Posted August 2, 2012 We all know what you call an older woman that likes younger guys; a cougar What do you call an older man that likes younger men? a (nittany) lion
Super User slonezp Posted August 2, 2012 Super User Posted August 2, 2012 2 guys BSing about their golf game. Bob tells Tom "I can drive the ball a country mile. Problem is, my vision is so bad I can't see where the ball lands and most of the time never find it." Tom replies "Well you need to go golfing with my father. He's 95 years old with eyes like a hawk. He still has 20/20 vision." The following weekend Bob goes golfing with Tom's father. Hits a perfect drive and says to Tom's father "Did you see where that landed?" "I sure did!" "Well, where is it?" "I forgot."
Super User rockchalk06 Posted August 3, 2012 Super User Posted August 3, 2012 We all know what you call an older woman that likes younger guys; a cougar What do you call an older man that likes younger men? a (nittany) lion Too soon
Super User slonezp Posted August 16, 2012 Super User Posted August 16, 2012 The "United Way" discovers that it has never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer pays the lawyer a visit in his lavish suite of offices. The volunteer opens the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?" The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh . .. no, I didn't know that." "Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?" The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again. "Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea." And then lawyer says, "So... if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you???"
Traveler2586 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her. "What do you mean?" she replied. So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house." She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore. 9
Captain Obvious Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 "What do you mean?" she replied. So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore. Traveler2586 you are a wise young man! Capt.O
Bass Slayer 72 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The guy says "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf"! 1
Traveler2586 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I heard it something like Boy "You don't have one of these" Girl " Yes, but with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want." Oh well, I guess my first cartoon was over the top. Is this better???
Low_Budget_Hooker Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Vinnie 2
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