Super User Long Mike Posted July 15, 2012 Super User Posted July 15, 2012 Lame, Lame, Lame. The trouble with most G-rated jokes these days is that they have been around for a long time - at least for us old geezers.
Super User slonezp Posted July 15, 2012 Super User Posted July 15, 2012 Lame, Lame, Lame. The trouble with most G-rated jokes these days is that they have been around for a long time - at least for us old geezers. It's not the G rated jokes, It's the G rated website.
preach4bass Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Lame, Lame, Lame. The trouble with most G-rated jokes these days is that they have been around for a long time - at least for us old geezers. Good point Long Mike. By the way, what was the first joke?
Super User Long Mike Posted July 15, 2012 Super User Posted July 15, 2012 It's not the G rated jokes, It's the G rated website. Would you prefer that we allowed obscene language on this website? Would obscene language be acceptable to you if your twelve-year-old daughter was sitting on your lap while reading all of the posts?
Super User Bassn Blvd Posted July 15, 2012 Super User Posted July 15, 2012 Would you prefer that we allowed obscene language on this website? Would obscene language be acceptable to you if your twelve-year-old daughter was sitting on your lap while reading all of the posts? I prefer the language, I don't have a 12yr old daughter,
Super User Long Mike Posted July 15, 2012 Super User Posted July 15, 2012 Then find another website I prefer the language, I don't have a 12yr old daughter, In that case, I suggest you find another website where profanity is permitted. It ain't gonna happen here. There are many other members who frequent this site who may have their kid sitting on their lap. 1
Super User Bassn Blvd Posted July 15, 2012 Super User Posted July 15, 2012 Then find another website In that case, I suggest you find another website where profanity is permitted. It ain't gonna happen here. There are many other members who frequent this site who may have their kid sitting on their lap. relax, I was kidding.
Traveler2586 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 The biggest problem is finding G rated jokes that don't offend someone, in some way. I was expecting to hear something about picking on Blonds. As for the children, I will not argue the point other than to say that they know more than we want to give them credit for. A friend who drives a school bus gets an ear full everyday, he says the kids are more active on the afternoon runs and the verbal harassment they inflect on each other is unbelievable. Now,,, Back to jokes..... While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.
Super User clayton86 Posted July 15, 2012 Super User Posted July 15, 2012 The biggest problem is finding G rated jokes that don't offend someone, in some way. I was expecting to hear something about picking on Blonds. As for the children, I will not argue the point other than to say that they know more than we want to give them credit for. A friend who drives a school bus gets an ear full everyday, he says the kids are more active on the afternoon runs and the verbal harassment they inflect on each other is unbelievable. Now,,, Back to jokes..... While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps. haha thats great
Captain Obvious Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 So one day the tax assessor was going out to Big-G ranch to ***** the property. When he pulled up to the gate the rancher met him and asked what he was doing. The tax man replied that he was there to ***** the property and was going to look around. The rancher replied that it was ok as long as he didn't go into the north pasture. The tax man whipped out has badge and angrily replied that it gave him authority to go where ever he wanted on the ranch. The rancher replied he wouldn't stop him but advise that he stay out of the north pasture. So the tax man went all over the property and finally decided that he would look into the north pasture. So he hopped the fence and started heading to the center of the pasture. Well he had walked about two hundred yards into the field where he met the ranchers prized bull. Well as soon as the bull saw him the chase was on and the tax man proceeded to run around the field screaming his head off with the bull in hot pursuit. The rancher was observing all of this from the other side of the fence and as he soon as he saw the bull chasing the tax man the rancher started yelling "SHOW HIM THE BADGE,SHOW HIM THE BADGE..." Capt.O
Super User slonezp Posted July 16, 2012 Super User Posted July 16, 2012 If you remove a turtle from his shell, is he naked or homeless? 1
Super User Raider Nation Fisher Posted July 16, 2012 Super User Posted July 16, 2012 Snow white is walking through the woods one day when she comes upon a farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can speak with his animals. The farmer replies "certainly", knowing good and well animals can't talk. Well Snow White walks up too a pig and asks, "how are you doing today Mr. Pig." The pig replies, I'm doing good Snow White." The farmers jaw drops. Next she asks the cow, "How are you doing Mrs. Cow? Been busy today?" The cow replies, "Im doing good. Been busy making milk all morning." Next Snow White walks up to a sheep. Before she can say anything the farmer starts yelling, "The sheep lies, the sheep lies!!!!!!"
Super User Raider Nation Fisher Posted July 16, 2012 Super User Posted July 16, 2012 This one is especially for you slonezp. A man is walking down the street one day when he sees a ladder going straight up into the sky. Upon reading the sign which proclaims, "this is the ladder to success." Well the fellow starts climbing and upon reaching the first level sees 20 beautiful women all holding pitchers of beer. One of the women tells him you can stay here with us for eternity or continue to climb the ladder to success." The man thinks about it for a second and starts climbing again. A bit further up he reaches the second floor. This floor is filled with 50 hot naked biker babes holding bottles of liquor. One of the women tells the man, "you can stay here with us for eternity or continue to climb the ladder to success." The man ponders it for an hour and says to himself I know it has to get better than this. So he begins climbing again. After a ways he reaches the Third level. There are 300 of the most beautiful women the man has ever seen in his life. All of the clutching bottles of scotch and champagne. One of them speaks to him and says, "you can stay with us for eternity or continue to climb the ladder to success." The man mulls this over for a few hours and decides this is amazing, but I bet its even better on the next level. So up he climbs. Upon reaching the fourth level a little while later he is greeted by a large smelly, fat, balding, naked, nerdy looking guy. The nerdy looking guy looks over at the man and says, "how's it going? I'm Cess."
Super User Bassn Blvd Posted July 16, 2012 Super User Posted July 16, 2012 , "how's it going? I'm Cess." I don't get it. What kind of a name is Cess?
Super User Long Mike Posted July 16, 2012 Super User Posted July 16, 2012 Bassn, just in case you're not kidding, the guy is climbing the ladder to ... LMAO
Traveler2586 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Bassn, just in case you're not kidding, the guy is climbing the ladder to ... LMAO No you old goat, that's not right, he's not climbing the ladder to LAMO. After passing up all the women and drink, he clearly wanted nothing more than to climb to success.
Captain Obvious Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 No you old goat, that's not right, he's not climbing the ladder to LAMO. After passing up all the women and drink, he clearly wanted nothing more than to climb to success. Wrong again he was trying to reach the place with only one beautiful woman holding a flipping rod in one hand a beer in the other and a lake full of world record LMB most men on here complain about living with one woman image living with 300 for eternity. Capt.O P.S. that one beautiful woman is a fishing guide
Traveler2586 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Wrong again he was trying to reach the place with only one beautiful woman holding a flipping rod in one hand a beer in the other and a lake full of world record LMB most men on here complain about living with one woman image living with 300 for eternity. Capt.O P.S. that one beautiful woman is a fishing guide Now that's a dream
Captain Obvious Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Now that's a dream I like to think of it as SucCess
Super User clayton86 Posted July 17, 2012 Super User Posted July 17, 2012 Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (must read out loud) 1. That's not right....................................................Sum Ting Wong 2. Are you harboring a fugitive...............................Hu Yu Hai Ding 3. See me ASAP....................................................... Kum Hia 4. Small Horse........................................................ Tai Ni Po Ni 5. Did you go to the beach.................................... Wai Yu So Tan 6. I thing you need a face lift.................................Chin Tu Fat 7. It's very dark in here..........................................Wai So Dim 8. I thought you were on a diet.............................Wai Yu Mun Ching 9. This is a tow away zone.....................................No Pah King 10. Our meeting is scheduled for next week..........Wai Yu Kum Nao 11. Staying out of sight...........................................Lei Ying Lo 12. He's cleaning his automobile............................Wa Shing Ka 13. Your body odor is offensive.............................Yu Stin Ki Pu 1
Super User slonezp Posted July 19, 2012 Super User Posted July 19, 2012 Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year, And every year Ed would say, " Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter " Norma always replied, " I know Ed , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! " One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said, " Norma, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance" To this, Norma replied, " Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks" The pilot overheard the couple and said, " Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars." Ed and Norma agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word... When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said, " By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! " Ed replied, " Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Norma fell out, But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! 2
moguy1973 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 A KC Royals fan, a Chicago Cubs fan, and a St Louis Cardinals fan were all taking a hike in the mountains when they came upon a beautiful cliff lookout. The Royals fan says "I'm such a huge Royals fan this is how I'm going to prove my loyalty!", and he jumps off the cliff to his death. The Cubs and Cardinals fan look at each other in disbelief. Not to be outdone by a Royals fan, the Cardinals fan says, "Well I'm a much bigger Cardinals fan and this is what I'm going to do to prove my loyalty!", and he pushes the Cubs fan off the cliff to his death.
Traveler2586 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?' 'For F*$@ sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
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