Jokes - Let's Have Some Fun

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Traveler, I have always wanted to fill out a work order that says:

Found broke. Fixed.

I've filled some out with, "problem was user error." Generally when its a work order for, "light does not work." Or something similar, and the problem is they didn't flip the light switch to the on position. You would be amazed how many calls I go on, where someone didn't flip the switch.

[Bassn Blvd]

A horse wlalks inside a bar and up to the bartender.

The bartender says "Why the long face?"

[slonezp]

A man walks into a bar.

He should have ducked.

[Bassn Blvd]

A man walks into a bar.

He should have ducked.

You're killing me. That's twice you posted that joke and twice I had a good laugh. Only this time I didn't have to read it 3x over again before getting it.

[Traveler2586]

George W. Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'

The second barber turned to Bush and said, 'How about you sir?' Bushreplied, 'Go ahead; my wife doesn't know what the inside of a ***** house- smells like.'

[Raider Nation Fisher]

That is too dang funny. I love it.

[slonezp]

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any duckfood?"

The bartender replies "No, this is a bar. We don't have any duckfood." and the duck leaves.

The following day the same duck walks into the same bar and asks the same question. "Do you have any duckfood?" to which the bartender replies "No, this is a bar. We don't have any duckfood."

The next day is a repeat of the last two. A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any duckfood?" Now, angry and frustrated, the bartender replies "No, we don't have any duckfood. If you come in here and ask me that again, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor. Now get out!"

The following day the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any nails?" The bartender replied "No we don't have any nails."

The duck responds "Well, then do you have any duckfood?"

[Traveler2586]

The following day the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any nails?" The bartender replied "No we don't have any nails."

The duck responds "Well, then do you have any duckfood?"

:grin: :grin:

[Traveler2586]

Does anyone remember The Adventures Harry 'n' Charley of B.A.S.S. fame?

"BASSers have the best lines"

Harry's Law 1: "I knew the 'preppy' craze had got outa of hand when I seen a alligator playin' golf with a li'l MAN on his shirt"

[slonezp]

:grin: :grin:

My neice showed this to me today

http://youtu.be/MtN1YnoL46Q

[Traveler2586]

My neice showed this to me today

[Scorcher214]

So a grandpa and his grandson are out fishing.

Grandpa pulls out a beer and begins to drink.

Kid asks, "Can I have some of that grandpa?"

Grandpa asks, "Can you touch your D to your a-hole?"

K: "No..."

G: "Then you cant have any"

Grandpa pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke.

K: "Can I have some of that grandpa?"

G: "Can you touch your D to your a-hole?"

K: "No..."

G: "Then you can't have any"

Kid pulls out some cookies and starts to eat them.

G: "Hey, where'd ya get those?"

K: "Grandma made them for me!"

G: "Can I have some?"

K: "Can you touch your D to your a-hole?"

G: "Why yes I can!"

K: "Then go f--- yourself, these are my cookies!"

[tomustang]

[Traveler2586]

The Ford should be your first clue

[Scorcher214]

[tomustang]

They make the full version

[HookSetDon]

Heres a joke about a fisherman and his magical encounter;

One day while fishing this man had caught this massive gold fish, the biggest fish he had ever seen.. Bringing in this fish he was cheering " tonight me and the wife are going to eat well". The gold fish responded "sir please don't, please release me back" The man nearly fell off the boat, a fish that could speak? what did he come across here? the fish responded, " if you let me go, ill grant you a wish" The man had caught a genie gold fish.. he decided to spare the fish for a wish.. he gave it some long and hard thought then decided his wish would be ; whenever he ticked he would pee 20 year old scotch. The fish had granted him the wish so he released him back.

Well he packed up his day fishing and called his wife on the way back home " honey, we're celebrating.. get two shot glasses ready" Well, sure enough when he got home he filled them up and shot it back, along with his wife! "AHHH 20 yr old scotch, marvelous"

Well the next day he went out fishing again and at the end of the day he did the same thing, he called his wife and had her prepare 2 shot glasses. When he got home he filled them up and they both kicked them back enjoying the 20 yr old scotch.

He went out again the next day, this time at the end of his trip he called his wife and told her to prepare one shot glass. She was confused and asked " only one glass? I dont get to have any scotch?" the man replied, " Honey, tonight you drink from the bottle"

[Traveler2586]

O.M.G., Your correct, how embarrassing I apologies.

I'm running out of jokes I think are safe to post here, this appears to be a very Conservative crowd.

Here's one:

Why did the Blondie tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

[Bassn Blvd]

O.M.G., I'm rich!

Silver in the hair

Gold in the teeth

Crystals in the kidneys

Sugar in the blood

Iron in the arteries

AND

An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.

Hey, repeat post jokes.

[slonezp]

This thread

http://www.bassresource.com/bass-fishing-forums/topic/100541-theres-a-new-idiot-of-the-day-in-town/

Reminded me of this joke:

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

[Traveler2586]

This thread

http://www.bassresou...he-day-in-town/

Reminded me of this joke:

Oh, your good.

[Traveler2586]

Saw this on another forum and thought it was funny enough to share here.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[dave]

A guy walks into a church. He hasn't been in a while and enters the confessional. Inside there is a beer tap and a humidor. He stares for a moment and says aloud, "wow, the confessional sure has changed since I was a kid." A priest yanks open the door and says, "hey, get out of my side of the booth."

[slonezp]

I like my coffee like I like my women...

...Hot and goes down easy

[Scorcher214]

I like my women like I like my cheese

smelly and full of holes?

Nvm....