The Things Kids Say

[clayton86]

Well my 2 year old Noah says lots of crazy things but this morning I think he toped himself. Me and my 2 boys were watching tv letting mommy sleep in when the youngest jack started to fuss and me lacking the right equipment to feed him took him in to my wife. Noah followed in shortly after and the he opens his mouth and says " wow mommy you got BIG boobieeeeesssssss" it was hilarious my wife didn't know what to do she started grabbing blankets and covering up well I was high fiveing Noah it was a great. I love the things that boy says.

[J Francho]

LMAO. My 4YO had all super hero toys out. They were having a Christmas party at Batman's place. The bad guys came too - they're off on the holidays.

[South FLA]

Gotta love them.

I went to Brett's birthday party and since his favorite is Key Lime pie he had it as his birthday cake. So as my son took the first bite of his pie/"cake" he looked at Brett with his big brown eyes and said "Brett, this isn't cake!" and shrugged his shoulders implying that he, Brett, was missing out on something. The whole table cracked up!

[tipptruck1]

I don't have kids but I have heard some funny things. I have a cousin that has two kids. I am not sure on the ages of them. But when his boy was littler he said a Klan phrase in school. I think we all know what it is. Then a few weeks ago he was driving down the road with his 4 year old girl. She says dad Your some a b$&*@. Now that is funny. I don't care who you are.

[clayton86]

I don't have kids but I have heard some funny things. I have a cousin that has two kids. I am not sure on the ages of them. But when his boy was littler he said a Klan phrase in school. I think we all know what it is. Then a few weeks ago he was driving down the road with his 4 year old girl. She says dad Your some a b$&*@. Now that is funny. I don't care who you are.

Unfortunately Noah has a potty mouth the other day he called his cousin Ryan who's 18 a d-bag but he said the full word. Then Xmas morning he opened a present seen it was a diego back pack and not a nerf gun droped it and said " efin a" which his mother says all the time it's cute at first little kids swearing but then gets idk embarrassing in public.

[slonezp]

My son is an adult now but I remember he was 3 years old. He had gotten ahold of a Playboy. He pointed at the centerfold and told his mother"That's what I want for Christmas"

[Daniel My Brother]

We were driving by the cemetery when my daughter asked why we never see grave diggers. I told her that they don't dig graves by hand anymore to which she replied "duh, they use shovels."

[clayton86]

The new one that just happend at my Inlaws we were sitting at the table Noah was next to my little niece kaylie and he had his play phone he's sitting there talking saying "pick up me pick up me" so we asked him Noah who ya talking to and he replied my girl friend so we laughed and aske him who his gf was and his answer was " torrie duh" so he thinks Victoria justice from the nick show is his gf. Well kaylie took his phone pretending to talk to this torri and said "sorry but he's taken you can't see him anymore" handed the phone back to Noah and he just turned to her and said "you bit....." you get the point it was funny as hell.

[Red]

My oldest nephew got a little telescopic back scratcher for Christmas this year. I asked him if I could use it to scratch my butt. he said "no, it is a back scratcher, if it was a butt scratcher I would let you"

[jeremyt]

We were at my parents house on Christmas eve. My nephew got a basketball goal for his birthday(Dec 6th) from my mom and dad. We were standing outside shooting around when my dad looks at my 6yo Andrew and tells him to take a long shot. My son looks at my dad and says "Grandpa I'm not even gonna waste my energy with that" My dad just about lost it laughing.

[jeremyt]

My son is an adult now but I remember he was 3 years old. He had gotten ahold of a Playboy. He pointed at the centerfold and told his mother"That's what I want for Christmas"

This is a story passed to me from my in laws. When my wife and brother in law were little they used to go to Christmas parties with my in laws at the Moose Lodge. Well santa was at a party and my brother in law wanted a tonka tow truck. I guess he didn't know the terminology for it and called it a " Hooker" . When it was his turn to sit in Santa's lap, Santa looked it him and said " Jeffrey what do you want for Christmas" He told Santa " Santa Clause I want a hooker" Santa without skiiping a beat told him " Me too son". That is one of the best ones that I have heard to this day.

[Sfritr]

My son was 4 and at daycare playing with a basketball. The teacher said "AJ, put the ball down, its time to come in."

AJ: "Aw, thats kinda crappy"

Teacher: "AJ, we don't say that word, Its a bad word."

AJ: "No its not, crappy is not a bad word. Sh^% , Dam^ , F^$# , A#S%&*^ are bad words. My Daddy will spank my butt if I say those words."

It was a long ride home............. I still laugh about it 9 years later

[clayton86]

My son was 4 and at daycare playing with a basketball. The teacher said "AJ, put the ball down, its time to come in."

AJ: "Aw, thats kinda crappy"

Teacher: "AJ, we don't say that word, Its a bad word."

AJ: "No its not, crappy is not a bad word. Sh^% , Dam^ , F^$# , A#S%&*^ are bad words. My Daddy will spank my butt if I say those words."

It was a long ride home............. I still laugh about it 9 years later

Thats awesome

[CSimon2]

One day my wife was getting my two year old daughter dressed. She was standing there in her birthday suit and she squatted down to pick up one of her toys and she sniffed the air. Then she said "Mommy, I smell my butt and it really stinks." LOL! My wife called me at work in tears to tell me about that one.

[Raul]

When you hear the toilet flush and your kid saying Uh Oh it´s already too late.

There I was making a barbacue, placed some chorizos on the grill and my daughter asks: daddy does the chorizo feel any pain when you do that ?

It was funny as hell...

[scrutch]

My tornado of a two year old Kristin dropped a "fo shizzle" on us the other day. You gotta understand that we live in a mostly white Midwestern town with almost zero urban influence. Still to this day we have no idea where she could have heard that. My wife and I were laughing histerically. I think I'll start calling her Snoop.

[fish-fighting-illini]

_{A friend of mine had 2 daughters. One had very bright blond hair and the other had really dark hair just like both of her parents.}

_{When ever someone would ask the typical question " where does she get her blond hair?" the husband & wife would jokingly answer " from the mailman."}

_{One year at the daughter's teacher / parent conference time the teacher told the mother that she had asked the daughter the question and that the daughter answered " from the mailman"!}

_{The mom was pretty embarrassed!}

[grimlin]

Here's the convo from today.

Me:well I need to get back to cleaning the middle room

Conner:why?

Me: cause it's dirty and needs to be cleaned out

Conner:Why?

Me: because you know daddy,I don't like it dirty

Conner: I do. Dirty is better

Me:Well what if you can't find what you are looking for because it's all dirty

Conner: Call mom.....

[Jaheff]

My sister took her two daughters to the mall. The oldest just being potty trained had to do a "big Job". My sister put her in the stall and went outside with the younger sister. A while later my sister went in to see what was taking so long. My sister asks her what is taking so long (with other women in the restroom) "Mommy, Mommy, I think it's coming out sideways".

She is now 22, and we all give her crap for it still...

[clayton86]

Last nights adventure.....

Noah: daddy me hungry

Me: what do you want

Noah: orange

Me: ok I'll peel it for you

Noah: no me do it I big boy

Me: ok big boy peel it

He starts to peel it followed by a shriek

Noah holding his eye: owe it spit in my eye I'm not a big boy you do it

Me: well beat that bad orange up

Noah: no you do it

Then I shot a red fox the other morning and showed it to my son and he got all exited and can't quite say fox this is how it went

Me: Noah come here wanna see daddy's fox

Noah: oh wow look at it

Me: wanna touch it Noah

Next is the good part when Noah calls my wife and sister in law over

Noah: mommy mimi come look

Wife: did daddy get a fox

Noah: oh yeah big cox

Followed by laughter he get frustrated

Wife: Noah say fox.....fa fa fa fox

Noah: cox daddy shot cox

Now he runs around telling everyone he want to go cox hunting with daddy well I'm exited the boy has the same passions as me fishing and hunting I wish he could say it right and not sound like a **** lol

[J Francho]

Keep your boy away from mine, LOL.

[slonezp]

Or he can just move him out to San Francisco J/K

[clayton86]

I know he's all boy though he loves his boobies lol

[clayton86]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSV1Tvs61AM

[Raider Nation Fisher]

I get home today and some idiot has parked their van in my wifes parking spot. Nothing drives me more insane then when the inconsiderate residents here tell there guests to park where ever they want as long as it isn't in front of their condo. The last time it happened I drug the offending Tahoe down the parking lot with a Chevy 3500. Apparently it did A LOT of damage to the Tahoe. But no one has parked there since. I'm outside ranting over the van and my 3yr old over heard me. He has now told his mom, aunt, and both sets of grandparents that he and daddy are "going to cut tires offs a van after dark." I think I may need to calm down.

Edit: I probably better clarify for everyone. I DID NOT cut the tires on this van. Nor am I. However if it isn't gone by 9pm I'm getting my buddies 3500, back over here.