Explaining To The Girlfriend!

[NoBassPro]

]

This was over an entire summer. Probably should've mentioned that.

So what I want to know is if she is totaling up your receipts or if these were purchased on credit and she saw the bill.

[quanjig]

NBP brings up a good question............ Is she keeping tabs on you.......... Is this a t!t for t@t relationship.......... If so, you need to have a serious talk with a girlfriend of 5 years. If you want things to last, you need to explain things to her and she needs to be a bit more understanding.

[Fishing Rhino]

I think we married the SAME woman! I knew it!

Grey Wolf speaks with great wisdom.

Married the same woman? Does that make you husbands-in-law?

[Fishing Rhino]

NBP brings up a good question............ Is she keeping tabs on you.......... Is this a t!t for t@t relationship.......... If so, you need to have a serious talk with a girlfriend of 5 years. If you want things to last, you need to explain things to her and she needs to be a bit more understanding.

Or maybe vice versa. Maybe she needs to explain things to him and he needs to be a bit more understanding.

[Sam]

Funny topic.

I am fortunate as I don't interfere with my wife's quilting and she gives me a broad path to travel for fishing equipment.

All of the above replies are valid.

Remember, marriage is a democracy. There is only one vote and it belongs to the wife!!!!!

[psuangler91]

]

So what I want to know is if she is totaling up your receipts or if these were purchased on credit and she saw the bill.

haha no she's not a psycho, I was talkin to her about how much I had invested in new rods and stuff over the summer. She wasn't diggin through my garbage.

[slonezp]

I'd be a rich man if I only spent $700 a year on fishing.

[NoBassPro]

haha no she's not a psycho, I was talkin to her about how much I had invested in new rods and stuff over the summer. She wasn't diggin through my garbage.

Well you stated you had financial woes, I thought maybe she was trying to help you decipher your ledgers. Honestly, its not something I would bring up voluntarily unless she also likes fishing.

[NorcalBassin]

Interesting thread to which I unfortunately do not have a good answer. Do you have a shredder??? Odds are, just about any wife/girlfriend is going to flip out if you spend 20% of your income on tackle. I suppose the question would be, would you be okay if the roles were reversed and she spent 20% of her income on her 199th and 200th pair of shoes that mostly just sit in the closet?

Last year I took some heat for all of the new gear I bought, so this year I offered to only spend the money I received in OT on fishing gear. My wife was cool with it, and I had a lot of unexpected OT that allowed me to significantly upgrade all my rods/reels. Toughest thing for me will be scaling way back for 2012 since the deal is just a couple weeks away from being off of the table. Speaking of... those Fuego spinning reels sure look pretty nice.

[loodkop]

Reading this thread made me realise how blessed I am in my wife. She fully supports my fishing and is my main sponsor. 99% of my higher end gear comes from having her with me in the tackle shop. Most recent example: I was looking for a curado 50e and walked out with a core 50 after the salesman convinced her that it was a much better reel. I also get at least a weeks worth of fishing trip a year without any complaints. I suppose this is why I'm currently on holiday with wife and kids without rods.

[SirSnookalot]

I really don't understand the reason for inquiring on advice. This woman is not a wife and it doesn't seem apparent she relies on you for financial support, what you do with your money is your business. If the 2 of you are planning a future together, she seems to be the one with a good head on her shoulders, I'd be listening to her.

IMO a person spending 20% of their income sounds a bit excessive. It's one thing to make (net) 500k a year and spend 100k on an activity, there is money left over to live well. I do think taking care of their obligations and planning for the future comes ahead of spending money on an activity. Making only $4000 a year, doesn't leave much even if you spent nothing on fishing equipment. I'd be digging up my own worms

[quanjig]

I think psu is looking for advice for ways to let his girlfriend know that fishing is his deal.

[Lund Explorer]

I think psu is looking for advice for ways to let his girlfriend know that fishing is his deal.

Yup, makes me wish I'd quit typing right before I said "Just Kidding".

Unfortunately for PSU, he came on here to pose a question for which we all had an answer. And it looks like none of us gave him the one he was looking for!

[A-Jay]

Yup, makes me wish I'd quit typing right before I said "Just Kidding".

Unfortunately for PSU, he came on here to pose a question for which we all had an answer. And it looks like none of us gave him the one he was looking for!

Me Too.

A-Jay

[bman310]

In all honesty spending just under 20% of your income on fishing is excessive, but your only 20 and you aren't married. As long as your fishing expenses don't affect your bills or financial obligations, I wouldn't worry about it, Have fun and remember you are only young once! As far as explaining to your girlfriend, I wouldn't try to sell her on your hobby. If she asks, just be honest. If she doesn't like just move on.

-b

[psuangler91]

You guys are right, I guess I am just trying to tell her that I take this seriously and it's not just some saturday morning hobby. If she cares about my dreams she'll understand. Thanks everyone for the advice... and the laughs

[NoBassPro]

You guys are right, I guess I am just trying to tell her that I take this seriously and it's not just some saturday morning hobby. If she cares about my dreams she'll understand. Thanks everyone for the advice... and the laughs

So you plan on making a career of fishing? I guess that is something she should know.

[senile1]

I really don't understand the reason for inquiring on advice. This woman is not a wife and it doesn't seem apparent she relies on you for financial support, what you do with your money is your business. If the 2 of you are planning a future together, she seems to be the one with a good head on her shoulders, I'd be listening to her.

IMO a person spending 20% of their income sounds a bit excessive. It's one thing to make (net) 500k a year and spend 100k on an activity, there is money left over to live well. I do think taking care of their obligations and planning for the future comes ahead of spending money on an activity. Making only $4000 a year, doesn't leave much even if you spent nothing on fishing equipment. I'd be digging up my own worms

These are my thoughts exactly. There isn't enough information here to really give you advice. My parents provided no assistance to me once I went to college, and I paid for my car, clothes, gas, and much of my recreation in high school. Under those circumstances, I can tell you that spending 20 percent of my income on fishing while paying my way at your age would have been a very poor decision. If you have family who assist you financially or who provide lodging, food or transportation, then maybe it isn't a problem. If you have future plans with this girl, then you both need to sit down and come to an understanding of what is acceptable to spend on fishing. If not, it's none of her business.

[MrsTomustang]

As a lady who is an angler, I can be just as guilty of spending and just as guilty for questioning..perhaps it was a moody moment for you both. 5 years is invested time you will never get back.

Keep in mind the law of diminishing returns. Being an educated college student you should be able to see where this law is applicable to your scenario. If not, time to spend more on books and less on gear!

On a side note, open honest communication is the foundation to any human relationship. Ask her once again her standpoint. Consider it analytically and honestly and then decide for yourself and own it.

Step 1 and Step 2 to responsible relationships...they're never easy.

Take care and best of luck to you.

[Branuss04]

Dump the GF. Problem solved...

[McAlpine]

Ok dude, this is going to sound harsh but....

This chick isn't your wife, it's your girlfriend. Your not married, you don't owe her an explanation on squat. You have plenty of time to explain what you do to your wife later in life like the rest of us. Don't sweat it, there are a million of them out there. When you find the right one she won't give you guff about your hobby.

Not till your married at least. ;-)

Here is the best advice you will ever get. Your young, enjoy it and don't let one dame cramp your style. Good luck.

[RedNeckJake]

Here is what works for me... I tell my wife its all so I can take my little boys out fishing and they will have a good time! It really helps if you have children cause if you tell her that and you dont then she's gonna want to know what the hell is going on. If she thinks I spent that $500 on fishing then there is hell to pay but if she thinks I spent $500 on a weekend of memories with the kids then I'm good to go.

[Bigbarge50]

PSU.... my two cents are these

1- If the worst thing she can say about you is that you spend maybe too much money on fishing stuff, then you doing a good job as the man in her life. My serious gf's post college and I had some great times, but you will not always be on the same page about stuff. It always bothered me that after years together there were still certain things that I was really into that seemingly made them disinterested or anoyed. This really bothered me. That profound movie you want her to see.....she falls asleep 30 seconds into it..... or things like your fishing tackle issue..... A little older now and I realize that certain things are just not going to happen. If it is not that big a deal, like fishing tackle, then you learn two things...... not the thing to share with her, and let her vent, she'll feel better and you still have your new tackle.

2- Every woman, no matter how cool or sane, is raised in a world to dream of rings and wedding dresses. They think about it at times and places as men (esp young men) we could not even comprehend with our male brains. Your at the 5 year mark..... she is probably judging your purchases as a reflection of that money could be going to making a life with you more permenant. She can not help it. Probably not even aware of it. Happens in some weird estrogen fueld recess of the subconcious. This is why despite you spending far more on her..... she would say such things. Your male brain goes all logic with spreadsheets and total money spent. I think we all got a laugh about you presenting a spread sheet.... that would go over really well HAHAHA. No point trying to figure this one out, Apples and oranges.

What has been lost in all this...... the really important stuff....... what color were those senkos and what rods and reels did you get?

[Fishing Rhino]

Ok dude, this is going to sound harsh but....

This chick isn't your wife, it's your girlfriend. Your not married, you don't owe her an explanation on squat. You have plenty of time to explain what you do to your wife later in life like the rest of us. Don't sweat it, there are a million of them out there. When you find the right one she won't give you guff about your hobby.

Not till your married at least. ;-)

Here is the best advice you will ever get. Your young, enjoy it and don't let one dame cramp your style. Good luck.

When/If you meet the right one, you'll lose some, or maybe much of your interest in fishing. If she doesn't become the priority in your life, she ain't the right one.

[happyhappa]

Hi, Love!

I hope that this reply is helpful.

I hope that I might be able to contribute to this conversation as

A) I am the NON-fishing girlfriend of a bass fishing addict (Perhaps I can offer insight into your girlfriend's feelings)

B ) I am a Doctoral Candidate in Clinical Psychology and do A LOT of couples therapy with clients (maybe I can give you relationship advice)

and

C) My boyfriend has turned me into a fishing enthusiast--- and I will lay out for you EXACTLY the way that he did it.

Allow me to begin by saying that the people on this forum are simply awesome and I am sure that you will receive a ton of suggestions and support-- I cannot begin to tell you how, through one post, these folk made me a part of their community.

I guess when I read your post, something inside of me told me that the complaints aren't really about the money that you are spending on your fishing toys. After all, I'm a girl who knows the importance of haircuts every 6 weeks to keep from getting split ends (About $70 a time for me) and getting our nails done once a month (to the tune of $8-$40). I just feel as if there must be something deeper driving her dislike of your fishing spending habits, and, if it were me, I think it would all come down to priorities. If I felt that fishing was taking precedence over me, and that my boyfriend had clearly disclosed from the start that fishing was non-negotiable, I would find a passive aggressive way to get back at fishing and reclaim my man!

I had never been fishing prior to my boyfriend and had no interest in fishing, and yet, he has TOTALLY changed my attitude toward the sport.

Following is my account of being exposed to fishing, and all of the things that he did to make me mandate that he fish.

I have highlighted take home points in blue.

How My Boyfriend Keeps Me Hooked on Being Happy About Fishing

Those of us who haven't been exposed to fishing can be really overwhelmed, and perhaps even threatened, when first learning to interact with someone who fishes avidly.

Although I am young, I feel relatively competent to engage people in conversations about almost anything.

The beauty of being in college (assuming that she is in college, too), is that you are learning new things everyday and are growing more self assured in your ability to interact with the world.

Here I am, in graduate school, able to switch back and forth from talking to a three year old client to talking to their neurosurgeon when, all of the sudden, out of the blue, I met this really terrific guy.

I eagerly attempted to engage him in conversation, only to learn that I had NOT A CLUE what he was talking about.

We were sitting at dinner on our first or second date and all he could talk about was punching and making frogs walk and drop-shot something or rather...

I felt like he was speaking a different language, entirely, and went home and told my mother that, although he was a stellar guy, I would not go out with him again.

That is when he got me hooked.

Take Away Point: To non-fishers, fishing is a foreign language- How can she be excited about something that she doesn't understand? Make your excitement contagious and talk to her in terms that she gets, even if you aren't using the correct terminology, yet. My boyfriend says things like "walking the frog on the water is doing the same thing that you do when you try to get your cat to play with a string. You want them to jump after it like a shark!" That is a whole lot more helpful than any technical description.

I couldn't help but admire his absolute passion for fishing- this wasn't just some hobby for him, fishing was the love of his life.

I started asking him what he later coined "dissertation questions" about fishing: "When did you first learn that you love fishing?", "What is your funniest fishing story", and then the kicker, "What does fishing mean to you?".

I learned that his first ever memory was of eating an apple while strapped in a baby carrier to his dad's back while he fished, that his favorite childhood memory was the time he and his grandfather went fishing and his grandpa got a bite and threw the sandwich that he was eating in the air, and that the time when he feels most connected to God and does his best thinking is when he is out on the water.

I was so mesmerized by his absolute joy in telling me his fishing stories, and to learn that fishing to him isn't just waiting for the next big bite, its the way that he stays connected to his family traditions and gets back in touch with his inner little boy.

Take Away Point: Know what fishing means to you and explain it to her- but do it with enthusiasm. Just "I fish because I like it" isn't going to cut it. There is a reason that you get out of your warm bed to sit in a boat in the freezing cold before the sun rises and while sane people are all in bed snuggling with their favorite persons. Your girl wants to be close to you- I suggest to you the formula for intimacy, "Into Me I See". In other words, know thyself and then explain it to her with passion.

I think that the way that my boyfriend made fishing so endearing to me was watching that little boy come out, every time he fishes.

It feels like he can't wait to see me and to tell me, with such excitement, about every bite that he got, what he was doing, and what happened next.

My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, and yet, every weekend that he fishes (or should I say, every weekend), I get to see him like a kid about to go to Disneyland.

Take Away Point: People fish because they LOVE fishing- and your girl loves it when you are happy! When you talk about fishing, talk about it with all of the excitement that you feel on the inside. If fishing for you, every time, is like going to Disneyland, your girl will be so excited to see you excited!

Turning My Attitude Toward Fishing Around

I'll be perfectly honest and say that, sometimes, I get jealous of his fishing.

Again fishing was, and perhaps still is, the love of his life.

I never told him that, particularly in the start of our relationship, I felt like I was just getting the left overs when it came to him.

I felt like fishing came first- and I grew angry. I suspect that this is what your girlfriend is experiencing.

I mean, I absolutely got the sloppy seconds- the guy would work during the week and I have evening classes, so when he would spend half of his weekend fishing, I felt completely unimportant.

I don't know if he sensed it or if it was just good timing on his behalf, but all of the sudden, just when I was starting to feel hurt, he started making a BIG DEAL about keeping me involved in his fishing life.

I have broken this down into a cognitive behavioral chart of sorts, outlining how his behaviors influenced my thoughts/feelings and the way that I would react in the future:

His Action

I made him cookies once for a fishing tournament and he made a huge deal about how wonderful they were and how he shared with all of his fishing buddies and it made it the best fishing day, ever (which was a gross exaggeration--- I do not have the gift of cooking or baking and he and his fishing partner coming in 2nd in the tournament had NOTHING to do with the Nestle chocolate chips that I used)

My Feelings

I am completely special and when he eats cookies and is fishing, he is thinking of me and sharing about me with his fishing buddies- who I have yet to meet.

My Result

I now bake a couple dozed cookies for every tournament for his club buddies, without fail, and bake him something special every time he fishes (every weekend). I also can't wait for out of town tournaments where I get to bake several kinds of goodies so that there is something different for them, every day. How many other girlfriends can honestly say they are excited to have their guy out of town? His making a big deal about the baking, even though I'm sure he could have used those scones as sinkers, made me feel like a billion bucks.

His Actions

When my boyfriend goes fishing, he takes his phone and keeps in touch with me. While he doesn't do this during tournaments, which is completely acceptable, I think it is so sweet that he will send me an occasional message with a picture of the fish that he caught or the sea lion that he saw or the pretty sunrise that he watched from his boat. He has even gotten into the habit of "naming" the fish that he catches and releases, just because he knows that if I were in the boat with him, that is what I would do. It cracks me up that he comes home and says "I caught Daryl punching in the tullies, and Sharlene near the concrete pillars".

My Feelings

He is taking pictures of things that he knows that I would like, and naming fish, like I would like to do, while he is doing his favorite thing on earth. Fishing may be the love of his life, but he is thinking of me while he is fishing, which makes me almost equal

My Actions

Naturally, I want him to fish more. Hello?! If he is positively pairing me with fishing- I can't think of a way to be more flattered.

His Actions

He loves to get good deals on his tackle, and yes, like you, he does a lot of shopping. Instead of doing it all while I'm not around, he invites me along and makes it a date. He takes me somewhere fun that I would like, like the park or to dinner, and then we make our way to the fishing store together. I get to meet his fishing buddies that we bump into, play with the dog in the store, and spend time seeing him super excited to try something new. For fishing novices like me, it seems like bait is bait. What's the big deal anyway?... He takes time to explain to me the "action" associated with every bait, even if it makes us both look like idiots standing in the store. He also makes a game of who can find the specific piece of tackle that he is looking for the fastest, which challenges me to remember what the heck a crank bait even looks like. He even lets me win every now and then.

My Feelings

He is letting me into his world and wants to teach me all about his favorite thing on earth. Not only that, but I get to see how excited he looks when he is finding new things.

My Actions

I LOVE FISHING STORE DATE DAYS! I even request them! If we go through withdrawals from going to the store, he will pull out his tackle boxes and let me ask him any question that I want about a bait. He randomly tests me about his tackle and bait and makes a huge deal out of it when I get things right. As a result I learn that NOT ALL TACKLE AND BAIT IS THE SAME and the reason that he needs to be making so many purchases.

His Actions

My boyfriend and I live about 45 minutes away from one another, and so my driving to visit him, I thought, should be worth my time and gas. How is that possible when he fishes half of the day and then has all of his household to do lists when he comes home? Because of this, I started staying over Friday evenings. He leaves before I wake up, I do his laundry, clean his toilets and make him lunch while he is gone, and he comes back in the afternoon/ early evening to spend time with me. I guess the most important part of this is that I LOVE doing his household chores while he is gone. When he comes home he is so appreciative of my help around his house, and thanks me both verbally and by taking the rest of his day to spend quality time with me- whether that is allowing me to snuggle with him on the couch while he watches TV and I read or taking me somewhere special. He pairs positive reinforcement (Both verbal praise and demonstrative gestures) with my doing his chores and now I can't wait for the weekend and to say hello to his washing machine!

My Thoughts

When he gets home from fishing he is a happier person, when I help to maintain his house he is a happier person. Both fishing and I make him happy, and I am important enough to him that he does the things that I like to do when he gets home without complaining.

My Actions

Honestly, if he misses a weekend fishing, I ORDER him to go fishing at the next possible opportunity. Fishing is ABSOLUTELY VITAL to our relationship. Also, I purchase him new things to try so that he goes out more frequently. I currently have a stockpile of the things that I know that he likes (Senkos, green pumpkin black flake, etc) in a corner of my room--- I love to surprise him every once in a while with the things that I know that he loves.

When it comes to relationships, it is important to make frequent deposits in each other's emotional bank accounts. By making sure that she knows how important she is to you and telling her frequently (and not just when you are in trouble or want something), you put her mind at ease. Did you know that in order to repair even one negative statement it takes five positive statements? Interact with her positively, show her how passionate you are about fishing and invite her into your world. By pairing positive reinforcement with your fishing and fishing purchases, you influence the way that she will interact with you and fishing in the future. In order for your relationship to thrive, you have to have a strong foundation. I suggest that you talk to her often about all of the positives of fishing and let her know how important both she and your favorite pastime are to you. The roadmap to relationship happiness is paved with positive experiences and good communication- and, at least in my relationship, fishing is vital to our happiness as a couple.

I hope that this helps.