Need Some Br Wisdom

[clayton86]

Well as most of you know I'm deploying to afghanistan in a few weeks well my wife doesn't want to stay in the apt we got cuz its small and upstairs so with 2 kids( 2yrs and 2 months old) its gonna be hard on her I guess. Well her dad is offering to buy us a house/trailer and hold the morgage and we pay him back. He will actually be buying it out right and we just pay him. I'm hesatint on doing this cuz for 1 I wanna buy my first house not have some buy it for me even though I plan on paying it off soon as I get home. and for 2 I don't wanna hear for the rest of my life him doing this for us like he will hold it over me even after I pay it off.

I don't wanna do it though it would be nice but I think like my pride is telling me no. 1 reason I would like it is its cheap the most expensive were looking at is a 3br trailer with carport woodstove and shed for 15k. Cheapest is 9k for same thing minus wood stove. Once its paid off say 5 years at the most that's equity I can use to buy a bigger nicer place or rent it out for some little income as well.

So what are your thoughts my wifes really pushing for it and I'm hesatint. Plus another reason I'm a little reserved is we fight A LOT wich sucks I'm the calm one we go to counciling and it works for a short while but it makes me not want a place so its 1 less head ache if we split(not what I want but her)

[Sam]

Take the offer.

It will help relieve a lot of pressure and stress for you and your family as you deploy.

Thank you for your service.

You are a special kind of guy.

[FD.]

Since she is for it, then I would do it. It will be one less thing for her to worry about while you're gone.

Hurry back!

[slonezp]

PM sent

[clayton86]

Thanks guys another bonus my wife brought up is this will leave more money for my boat when I return which is a really good point I didn't think of. Go bigger or newer with the boat or keep the budget I had and get a better tow vehicle though I like 95 or older cars and trucks un less its a diesel then its 06 and older but either way its more money for something to aide in fishing

[Bassn Blvd]

Hmmmmm, I'm hesitant to give my advice, but here it goes. Bail out and run. Yall fight and are going to counceling? You don't need to be buying ANYTHING in an unstable relationship, PERIOD. Pay your child support and be a father to your kids, but listen to your heart.

Break-ups suck and it hurts when kids are involved, but go with your feelings. Your feelings don't/won't lie to you.

[tomustang]

Seriously, your wife is right about the 2nd floor, swallow the 'man' pride of buying yourself and think of the family's safety first. You truly can't go wrong considering if her dad buys it outright and you got to pay and she decides to leave at least she will have somewhere to live supported by her father

[Gatorbassman]

I take it this is your first deployment. Take some advice from an old soldier. Take the offer and stash all that tax free pay and hazard pay into the bank and have yourself the start of a down payment on your first house when you get home. VA loans are great. I'm still living in my first house thanks to a great VA loan.

I'm just sayin.

[Grey Wolf]

It probably won't matter in the long run , she's probably going to dump your butt sooner or later.

[Lund Explorer]

So long as you understand that buying a trailer is not an investment, I'd say why not. It puts the wife and kids on the ground floor and makes her happy. I wouldn't worry about what your FIL has to say on the subject now or in the future about the whole decision as he will probably do so anyhow whether you take him on the offer or not. If he's going to talk, put him on the hook for a better trailer that might be a little easier to heat in the winter and doesn't have a ton of built in repair projects needed already.

While you are gone, just consider those payments to really be rent. After you get home from your deployment and you get your life back in order, then start looking for a real home that will build equity. As a matter of fact, maybe your best bet would be to suggest to the FIL that he purchase this trailer as a rental property that he can use as an investment. It will be a lot easier to move out of it, and he'll be on the hook for the najor repairs that older mobilehomes all face.

[clayton86]

So long as you understand that buying a trailer is not an investment, I'd say why not. It puts the wife and kids on the ground floor and makes her happy. I wouldn't worry about what your FIL has to say on the subject now or in the future about the whole decision as he will probably do so anyhow whether you take him on the offer or not. If he's going to talk, put him on the hook for a better trailer that might be a little easier to heat in the winter and doesn't have a ton of built in repair projects needed already.

While you are gone, just consider those payments to really be rent. After you get home from your deployment and you get your life back in order, then start looking for a real home that will build equity. As a matter of fact, maybe your best bet would be to suggest to the FIL that he purchase this trailer as a rental property that he can use as an investment. It will be a lot easier to move out of it, and he'll be on the hook for the najor repairs that older mobilehomes all face.

There looking a few this week finding the best one that needs the least work one they are looking at has a new roof and plumbing done 3years ago. I'm outa my realm on this I know nothing about houses or what not I can make and install some nice granite counter tops and fire places and that's about it. I'm most likely not gonna see the place till december 2012 when I get back as I'm already doing my mobilzation crap like now sitting in bleachers doing the hurry up and wait game.

[Tokyo Tony]

Try to think long-term if you and your wife split. Make sure whatever you end up doing that you look out for yourself first. Will the house be in your name?

Good luck with everything, and hurry back.

[clayton86]

Try to think long-term if you and your wife split. Make sure whatever you end up doing that you look out for yourself first. Will the house be in your name?

Good luck with everything, and hurry back.

Well I hope we never split but I am looking in the long run that's another reason I'm thinking cheap trailer because if I loose it its no biggie it can be replaced along with what ever money. Chances are though it will be in my name once paid off and if we were to split I will get the kids she knows it her family knows it but that's another story and I'm not gonna get into here because people don't like it its something I have to deal with.

[Stasher1]

Hmmmmm, I'm hesitant to give my advice, but here it goes. Bail out and run. Yall fight and are going to counceling? You don't need to be buying ANYTHING in an unstable relationship, PERIOD. Pay your child support and be a father to your kids, but listen to your heart.

Break-ups suck and it hurts when kids are involved, but go with your feelings. Your feelings don't/won't lie to you.

I'm afraid this may be the best advice I've seen on here in a long time. If you two are already fighting and in counseling, and you're going to be gone for a while...well, let's just say that old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” isn't necessarily true for the wives/girlfriends of guys stationed overseas. I've seen it far too many times amongst my friends and coworkers.

[Gatorbassman]

Yes it's true. Breakups happen when guys get deployed. I've been at the Army Enlisted Club the weekend after the Navy sent a fleet out for six months and seen all the young girls with wedding ring tans on their left hand. It was pretty sad. But more marriages stay together than those that break up. My brother-in-law has been in two wars and deployed more times than I can remember and he's still married to my sister. I have a good friend who I've known since he was a 2nd Lieutenant and he is now a Major in the Special Forces. He was one of the ones who disappeared just minutes after the events of 9/11. He's been gone more than he's been home and he and his wife are still very much committed to each other.

Plan for the future, set goals, and be honest and committed to each other and there shouldn't be a problems during a deployment.

Get her set up with internet and Skype before you leave and you will be able to talk to here face to face all the time. Call her every day that you can and don't get mad when you can't get in touch with her for a day or two. The time difference is hard to get used to at first. Good luck and keep your eyes open and stay alert.

[clayton86]

I'm afraid this may be the best advice I've seen on here in a long time. If you two are already fighting and in counseling, and you're going to be gone for a while...well, let's just say that old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” isn't necessarily true for the wives/girlfriends of guys stationed overseas. I've seen it far too many times amongst my friends and coworkers.

That's why were getting help to try and nip it now befor it gets bad all the fights are seriously over the dumbest crap like food or who's car we take gets blown up and just leads to more sensless stuff but honestly if its gonnaa happen it will happen whether I'm home or away if its ment to be it will be if not it won't deployment won't make no diffrence she actually does "grow fonder" when I'm gone for long drills like now it will be good for a few weeks till something stupid comes up. We don't fight over cheating and crap like that but I do always say guns don't kill people husbands who come home early do. But when I say we fight its literly over the dumbest things u can possibly imagine like bk or mcdonalds taco bell or mighty. The part bout me getting the boys is all her problems she's had sense she was a teenager I fixed some of the problems the rest are on her.

[deaknh03]

I can give you my 2 cents, as someone who has been divorced, because we fought a lot, and someone who is remarried and very rarely fights now. I don't think it would be very responsible for anyone to tell you to get divorced without knowing you and your wife on a personal basis. I can also tell you that when you and your wife fight, your both fighting, not just her, so to start with maybe looking at yourself and what you can change to not be part of the problem in your marriage. This might and might not save your marriage now, but will help you to become a better person down the road. You cannot change your wife, only yourself, and perhaps she might follow your lead and change herself. It will also help to set a better example for your kids.

[clayton86]

I can give you my 2 cents, as someone who has been divorced, because we fought a lot, and someone who is remarried and very rarely fights now. I don't think it would be very responsible for anyone to tell you to get divorced without knowing you and your wife on a personal basis. I can also tell you that when you and your wife fight, your both fighting, not just her, so to start with maybe looking at yourself and what you can change to not be part of the problem in your marriage. This might and might not save your marriage now, but will help you to become a better person down the road. You cannot change your wife, only yourself, and perhaps she might follow your lead and change herself. It will also help to set a better example for your kids.

Oh I don't think I'm perfict in our relationship I am a dick some times and when we fight I usually walk away go for a drive or something so we both cool off but befor this gets into a roast clayton session like befor let's get back to my OP. I'm probably gonna go threw with it there meeting with the realitor and who ever else tonight to do what ever on a "really nice" one as she keeps telling me threw txts that she really wants and its close to her family only 20min from mine and 5min from walmart so should be nice plus they have storage for a boat I guess.

[Ratherbfishing]

I didn't read the entire thread from beginning to end but it sounds like, in essence, you'd be renting from your father-in-law. Unless there's something in the contract that says the money ultimately goes toward purchasing the home, you won't have anything to show for it in the end.

I wouldn't do business with in-laws.

[clayton86]

I didn't read the entire thread from beginning to end but it sounds like, in essence, you'd be renting from your father-in-law. Unless there's something in the contract that says the money ultimately goes toward purchasing the home, you won't have anything to show for it in the end.

I wouldn't do business with in-laws.

No its gonna be ours in the end the payments are suposed to come off how much it was that's why I'm thinking of just paying it off when I get back from deployment. The way he put it is we would pay the lot rent 200 him 200 then utilitys and what have you would be on us like anyother way. I usually don't like to do business with family I didn't even want my mom to co sign for my college loans I saved 5000 to get her name off the loan asap. Just something I don't like because say you miss a payment its on them too

[grimlin]

Only you know what you are going to do in this situation.The advice you got is pretty much spot on,both the negative advice and positive advice.It kinda sounds like you have a tough decision to make.Something nobody here is gonna really be able to make for you.

Look at every angle,situation and consequence that might come from your choice.

As far as Anger issue,read some Joel Osteen.....I've been a much,much happier person since reading his book.The man has nothing but positive advice.Yes it's a bit religious....but for me it was well worth it.Make sure your wife reads it also....arguing and fighting is not good for the relationship.seems like every time I read something from you it's all I'm reading.

[Grey Wolf]

Why in the heck do you insist on taking your personal life public ?

[GrundleLove]

Why in the heck do you insist on taking your personal life public ?

Maybe because an unbiased opinion is exactly what he needs. Talking to his friend? biased. family? biased. Internet? unbiased.

Also maybe he realizes that the people floating on this forum are pretty honest (like me) and can express their opinions to him in a way that might be just what he needs (ehh..not like me). I dont know why you say "public". The internet is public? I dont think so. ....eh maybe

But still. Hope you find the advice you are looking for.

[tomustang]

Internet is public, though not a public domain. Anyone with a net capable device and wifi can freely acess it, not to mention libraries/schools

[Bassn Blvd]

Hey Clayton, I wish the best of luck to you and hope all works out well. Just do yourself a favor and check your state laws. It doesn't matter who's name the trailer is in, property gained during marriage is equaly owned by BOTH parties, regardless of who's name it's in.

There is nothing wrong, IMO, of having her dad help yall out. Parents often help out their kids with down payments on houses/cars/school. Just make sure is in the BESt interest for BOTH you and your wife.

P.S. Always remember this, as cold as it may sound, look out for YOURSELF first.