Critique a resume?

[BasserJim]

If I were to either post my resume here or link to it online would you guys be able to look it over and critique it?

EDIT: Please don't hold your opinions back. I am not expecting anyone to say its perfect I am here because I think it needs some work and want some suggestions.

James Marshall

Phone:

E-mail:

210 Julius Dr

PA

Objective

To form a long term partnership with a reputable company in order to increase their sales and product exposure.

Summary of Qualifications

Professional appearance

Good communication and public speaking skills

Knowledge of fishing techniques and equipment

Education

Aug. 07-Present, Clarion University of PA

Pursuing a B.S. of Business Administration, Concentration in Management

Aug. 06-May 07, Gannon University

Majoring in Biology/Pre-Medical

Aug. 02-May 06, Venango Catholic High School

Academic Program with Advanced Placement Classes, Diploma in May 06

Promotional Experience

July 29-31, 2005 Bassmaster Classic Outdoors Expo

Working as a Field Staff Member for Keelshield, Inc.

Employment History

2004-Present, Laborer/Driver and Operator

Kings Landscaping

Involved in Landscape design and installation, driving both CDL and non CDL vechicles, and operation of various machinery and outdoor power equipment.

Volunteer Work

I have been serving my community as a firefighter, EMS worker, and fire policeman with the President Township Volunteer Fire Department for the last 3 years.

Tournament Experience

2003-2005, PA BASS Federation

Fished 3-5 tournaments a year on a Jr. Circuit affiliated with the PA BASS Federation District 6.

Total of 6 Top 5 Finishes, and 2 Big Bass Awards

2004, PA BASS Federation

District 6 Champion and Qualifier for the PA Jr. State Championship

2005-2006 PA Bass Federation

Fished 8-10 money tournaments a year with a local club

One second place finish

2008- I am Currently fishing 10-15 money tournaments a year both as a member of a PA BASS affiliated club, as well as fishing open tournaments in western Pennsylvania

Presently 2 top 5 finishes

Future Tournament Plans Continue to fish locally as much as possible while still broadening my horizons to include tournaments such as the FLW Stren Series and BFL and the BASS Weekend Series.

[BasserJim]

I am sure you are all just looking it over in order to give the best possible response right?

Seriously could use help from anyone that can give it to me

[preach4bass]

I am sure you are all just looking it over in order to give the best possible response right?

Seriously could use help from anyone that can give it to me

Hey, you should take this as a huge compliment.  90+ views and no criticism.  It must be perfect.

[BasserJim]

I am sure you are all just looking it over in order to give the best possible response right?

Seriously could use help from anyone that can give it to me

Hey, you should take this as a huge compliment. 90+ views and no criticism. It must be perfect.

Nothing is ever perfect like I said I am hoping someone will notice something I havent

[The_Natural]

Well...I think it could be better written. I realize that is blunt, but you need to flex your education. At the risk of sounding pompous; I want to relay in my resume that I have a degree, and show some college level writing.

Your objective

Instead of....

'To form a long term partnership with a reputable company in order to increase their sales and product exposure.'

Go with...

'To obtain a position with a results-oriented company as a pro-staffer, forming a mutually beneficial relationship in product promotion.'

Instead of...

Summary of Qualifications

Professional appearance

Good communication and public speaking skills

Knowledge of fishing techniques and equipment

Go with...

Profile:

-Advanced knowledge of fishing disciplines highlighted by a successful tournament angling career.

-Innate ability to capitalize on client needs through product knowledge and demonstration.

-Extensive relationship marketing experience with exemplary client retention values.

-Sound judgement...Resourceful...Effective Communicator.

[J Francho]

I think you meant innate, not inane, LOL.  Gotta be careful with the BS resume verbiage.

[The_Natural]

I think you meant innate, not inane, LOL. Gotta be careful with the BS resume verbiage.

You are correct...inane could actually be considered the antonym of innate. BS Verbiage? So you would make it sound more simple/elementary? The fact is, this resume is the only thing a potential sponsor has to go by, and a less educated person simply couldn't have composed that. I could rewrite it and show you BS verbiage if you like . Let's face it...a resume is simply bragging about yourself illustrated on paper.

[deadeye32.]

Dont get me wrong here, I think proper grammar and using college level writing is great, but some of these sponsors are looking for personality traits to promote thier products.  For example, If I heard somebody like Ike, or Swindle using big "scientific" or "literary" terms about a new jig, that would throw off my perception of their true personality.  If I were to sponsor a person, I would look for somebody who talks to people in a comfortable and friendly mannor rather than somebody talking above or beyond the client level.  JMO.

[J Francho]

I think you meant innate, not inane, LOL.  Gotta be careful with the BS resume verbiage.

You are correct...inane could actually be considered the antonym of innate.   BS Verbiage?   So you would make it sound more simple/elementary?  The fact is, this resume is the only thing a potential sponsor has to go by, and a less educated person simply couldn't have composed that.  I could rewrite it and show you BS verbiage if you like  .  Let's face it...a resume is simply bragging about yourself illustrated on paper.  

I agree. BS verbiage wasn't meant as an insult to you, just a common euphemism I use.  Working as an IT consultant gives me ample opportunity to exercise my own creative writing, LOL. Personally, I take the professionally written resume with a grain of salt.  Its too hard to judge a person by words on a sheet of paper.  Put the whole package together with a little fact checking and an in person interview, and you may come close to scratching the surface of that person's character.

[The_Natural]

I think you meant innate, not inane, LOL. Gotta be careful with the BS resume verbiage.

You are correct...inane could actually be considered the antonym of innate. BS Verbiage? So you would make it sound more simple/elementary? The fact is, this resume is the only thing a potential sponsor has to go by, and a less educated person simply couldn't have composed that. I could rewrite it and show you BS verbiage if you like . Let's face it...a resume is simply bragging about yourself illustrated on paper.

I agree. BS verbiage wasn't meant as an insult to you, just a common euphemism I use. Working as an IT consultant gives me ample opportunity to exercise my own creative writing, LOL. Personally, I take the professionally written resume with a grain of salt. Its too hard to judge a person by words on a sheet of paper. Put the whole package together with a little fact checking and an in person interview, and you may come close to scratching the surface of that person's character.

I agree.  I guess no one actually speaks like a resume reads...it's just a front.  

[txbass1]

just funny how a thread gets derailed by the "gifted english" police and someone throws out "If I were to sponsor a person, I would look for somebody who talks to people in a comfortable and friendly mannor rather than somebody talking above or beyond the client level.  JMO.

[fishfordollars]

Go win a few tournaments, present yourself well(Apperance, tactful, nonpromoting, work every time), let your stick do the talking. The word will get around. It's been proven time and again. Do well and the offers will come calling.

Try keeping a nice, clean, pressed shirt to change in to before walking up on the stage. It does not need patches or sponser logos to impress. Time spent at signin and weighin are the most important. This is the time to shine, the only time you will have a chance to impress most companies(Unless you happen to draw a business owner for the days fishing).