Handymans tool list

[slonezp]

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat

metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and

Flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted

project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to

it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under

the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and

hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you

to say, 'Oh sh -- '

ELECTRIC or PNEUMATIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in

their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short..

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of

blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor

touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board

principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,

and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more

dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.

If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer

Intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable

objects in your shop on fire.

Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you

want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood

projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after

you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly

under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut

good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash

can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the

Outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of

everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or

for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your

shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out

Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to

convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your

palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket

you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used

as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the

object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard

cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents

such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,

collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.

Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while

yelling 'DAMM-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most

often, the next tool that you will need

[moby bass]

Yep, and I've got every one of those tools, too.  They all work exactly as reviewed.

[firefightn15]

Don't forget the BFH for the incidental work that may be needed.  Gotta have one of those! 8-)

[Stasher1]

Don't forget the BFH for the incidental work that may be needed. Gotta have one of those! 8-)

There are very few problems in life that can't be solved with proper application of the BFH and/or the blue wrench.

[Long Mike]

I assume that a BFH is a large hammer with sexual desires, but I have never heard of a blue wrench.  Someone please clue me in.

[OIFBasser]

I assume that a BFH is a large hammer with sexual desires, but I have never heard of a blue wrench. Someone please clue me in.

I think he's talking about ChannelLocks wrenches

[.ghoti.]

Nice.  ;D ;D ;D

I'm semi-skilled at all of the tools on the list.

But, a real handy man knows you only need four tools.

Duct tape: if it moves, and it's not supposed to; use duct tape.

WD40: if it's supposed to move and doesn't; used WD40.

Channellocks: Twist it until it either stops or comes loose. Then use either duct tape or WD40.

BFH: for when channellocks just aren't enough tool for the job.

Sometimes though, it's hard to beat a fire wrench.

[RoLo]

Though it's usually taken for granted,

my workshop revolves around the 'table vise'.

Hand-drilling, prying, bending and sawing are real tough without it

Roger

[Tin]

One thing I would add to it is wrenches with a ratcheting end. They save knuckles, minimize the amount of the stress and objects thrown out of anger. One of my better investments.

[bilgerat]

Can't forget the Jesus clip. They come in an infinite array of styles and sizes and are characterized for their ability to launch out of whatever device you are working on, rendering it useless until a replacement can be found.

They are named for the first word that comes out of your mouth after clip takeoff. :-X

[firefightn15]

Can't forget the Jesus clip. They come in an infinite array of styles and sizes and are characterized for their ability to launch out of whatever device you are working on, rendering it useless until a replacement can be found.

They are named for the first word that comes out of your mouth after clip takeoff. :-X

;D ;D

[jamarkwe]

CNC Machine: A rather large device used to smash a 2" rougher into a 4" thick piece of 7075 alum plate.

[bassmaster85]

duct tape- the handyman's secret weapon 8-)