Funny Life Lessons!

[.dsaavedra.]

these are great!

these ones are my favorites, but you can see them all here: www.carlpei.com/funny-life-lessons/

Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,

Who was that? It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies. Great! the husband says, Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 3

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,Father, remember Psalm 129? The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129? The priest apologized Sorry sister but the flesh is weak. Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: Sure, why not. So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

[b.Lee]

Classic

[Long Mike]

Speaking of the wisdom in Psalms, here's an email I received.

We were in slow-moving traffic the other day and the car in front of us had an Obama bumper sticker on it.  It read:  "Pray for Obama.  Psalm 109:8."

My husband's Bible was lying on the dash board.  He got it and opened it up to the scripture and read it.  He started laughing and laughing.  Then he read it to me.  I couldn't believe what it said.  I had a good laugh, too.

Psalm 109:8  "Let his days be few; and let another take his office. "

[Rebel Angler]

Haha those were funny. My favorite was the one about the wife.

Speaking of the wisdom in Psalms, here's an email I received.

We were in slow-moving traffic the other day and the car in front of us had an Obama bumper sticker on it.  It read:  "Pray for Obama.  Psalm 109:8."

My husband's Bible was lying on the dash board.  He got it and opened it up to the scripture and read it.  He started laughing and laughing.  Then he read it to me.  I couldn't believe what it said.  I had a good laugh, too.

Psalm 109:8  "Let his days be few; and let another take his office. "

Great bumper sticker! Two thumps up for that one. 

I'd love to have it on my truck.

[firefightn15]

Confucious:

1. Man who stand on toilet get high on pot.

2. Man who keeps nose to grindstone has sharp boogers.

3. Man who sneezes without tissue takes matter into own hands.

4. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

5. Woman who put dish soap on upper shelf jump for Joy.

6. Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

7. Man with one chopstick goes hungry.

8. Man who scratch *** should not chew fingernail.

9. Woman who put man in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

10. Man who farts in church, sits in own pew.

[Lund Explorer]

My favorite was told to me years ago by a friend, who told me that when he first heard the story, he thought of me.  Yeah, I couldn't figure it out either.

It was a December day when a small sparrow found himself sitting high atop a tree just as a huge snow storm started to blow in.  As the tree was completely devoid of any leaves, the sparrow had no protection from the ice cold wind or the heavy wet snow.

Finally after two days, the storm passed, the clouds began to clear out, and the sun shone.  While feeling what little heat the sun gave off, the sparrow knew that he was in trouble.  Nearly frozen solid and starving, he had pretty much given up all hope.

At about this time, a horse wandered under the tree.  As he moved under the sparrow, he let loose of a fairly good sized "road apple" and continued to move away.

The sparrow, sitting high on his perch spied this latest development, and was know faced with a possibly life changing (perhaps life saving) decision.  Finally he swallowed his pride and flew, though it was more like fell, from his perch and landed squarely in the pile.

Still nice and warm, the sparrow enjoy the first sensation of heat he had felt days.  He decided to take a little taste, and finding that it warmed him even more, ate his fill.  Soon he flew back to his perch.  Knowing that he was finally warm and that he wouldn't be passing away after all, he sang a little song.

Feeling a little chill starting to return, the sparrow flew back to from the tree.  Once there, he gorged himself.  He was so stuffed, that he could barely lift off the ground when he flew back into the tree.

It was amazing, the sparrow was so overjoyed with the knowledge that he would live to see another day, he broke into song once again.

About this time, a hawk circling high above was in trouble.  Two days of being grounded by the storm had him searching for a meal.  All of a sudden, he heard a little song.  Well, it didn't take long before he spied the sparrow sitting in the tree.  He locked onto the hapless little bird, and on the first high speed dive, snatched the sparrow by the neck, killing him instantly.

The moral of the story:  If you are full of crap, keep your mouth shut!

[Fishbone]

An old Nun and a young Num rode their bicyles into town one morning. After a few stops they headed back. The old Nun took a different route home. The following young Nun said, "I never came this way before".

The old Nun said, "it's the cobble stones".

[moby bass]

More Confucious

Man who fly airplane upside down, have crack up.

Man who marry woman with nothing on top, have right to feel lowdown