Low_Budget_Hooker Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to The metal even more! Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and "I can get away from him. No problem!" thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up. Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never he ard before, I'll let you go." The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back. " "Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper. Quote
Tim1980 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Nice one. A man and another man was fishing on a lake, they saw a hearse and the precession go by he stood up in the boat and took off his hat. His buddy looked at him shockingly and said "wow, that was mighty sensitive of you". The first guy put his hat back on, sat down and said "well, I was married to her for the last 25 years". Quote
Captain Obvious Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 These jokes are great LOL Here is mine. There was a 4th grade class that was celebrating there teaches birthday by giving her presents before class . The bakers daughter brought her a loaf of bread. The fisherman boy brought her a fish. And so it went on till one little boy was left who happen to be the son of the bar tender. Well his present came in a box and when he put it on the table a yellow liquid was leaking out of it. The teacher stuck her finger in the liquid and tasted it and said " Mmm what is it whisky?" the boy said no The teacher said " Is it wine ?" The Boy said " No its a puppy" !!!!!! Quote
Koop Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 These jokes are great LOL Here is mine. There was a 4th grade class that was celebrating there teaches birthday by giving her presents before class . The bakers daughter brought her a loaf of bread. The fisherman boy brought her a fish. And so it went on till one little boy was left who happen to be the son of the bar tender. Well his present came in a box and when he put it on the table a yellow liquid was leaking out of it. The teacher stuck her finger in the liquid and tasted it and said " Mmm what is it whisky?" the boy said no The teacher said " Is it wine ?" The Boy said " No its a puppy" !!!!!! ... i just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Quote
moby bass Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Heard this one the other day. Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck! Quote
mattm Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Heard them all before except for Moby's and that was very funny. Quote
Super User Lund Explorer Posted August 8, 2009 Super User Posted August 8, 2009 Good Story! Now for a true story on how to get away with speeding. Back many years ago, 1974 to be exact, we had a new 55mph speed limit that the then President Nixon had signed into law. Needless to say, there wasn't a whole lot of happy people with that speed law, and many people, including my father broke that law every day they hit the expressway. Anyhow, shortly after President Nixon had resigned my dad and I were headed to Lansing from Grand Rapids down I-96. Pops as usual was cruising along at around 70mph when the state trooper pulled him over. "Excuse me sir" the cop said "Do you know how fast you were going?" "70mph officer" my dad replied. So the cop says "Don't you know that the speed limit is only 55mph?" And without missing a beat, dad said "Didn't that go out with the president?" The cop got this little smirk on his face, chuckled a little bit, and then started into a full and complete belly laugh. He walked back to his patrol car, got in, and drove away. He was still laughing as he went by us, and just waved. True Story! Quote
Captain Rhino Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to The metal even more! Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and "I can get away from him. No problem!" thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up. Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never he ard before, I'll let you go." The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back. " "Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper. Quote
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