Fractured phrases, or malapropisms

[Fishing Rhino]

Norm Crosby is famous for using the wrong word or phrase that sounds very similar to what he should have used, but has an entirely different meaning.

It's much funnier when it is done unintentionally.

I have a friend who does it all the time.  Two examples.

On time I asked him where his wife was working.  She was running the kitchen at a mental health care facility.

He could not think of the name (Corrigan) nor could he say where they help those with mental and emotional problems.

He kept saying, "You know the place."  Well I didn't because he said nothing about mental or emotional problems.

He kept saying, "You know.  You know the place.  It's where they keep the depressed mannequins."

The second, which is priceless:

He was telling me about this girl he went out with in his youth, and bragging about his conquest.

He said, referring to the girl,  "I've never seen anything like her.  She had one organism after another."

[Steven Ladner]

He said, referring to the girl, "I've never seen anything like her. She had one organism after another."

;D ;D ;D

[bigfish88]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[fourbizz]

I hate when people claim that something is a "mute" point.

[Marty]

There were lots of golfers at work, among them Mike and Bob. Mike was not noted for language excellence. One time he told us that Bob had invited him to play at his club and he thought that he should retaliate and invite Bob to his.

Mike also referred to the strip that divides a highway as the "meridian."

[CRFisher]

All I can think of is that commerical where the guy is saying "what do you mean we don't have French benefits?' That and Archie Bunker complaining about chest pain -

[Fishing Rhino]

Several years ago, a cosmetics shop had a sign out front that read, "Custom Blended Pure Fumes".

[Muddy]

My 3 favorites

Yogi Berra; When you get to the fork in the road,take it

Mr. D'Angelo Brooklyn NY. During a blistering August heat wave

You know Dominick if it's not the heat it's the HUMILITY!!!!!!!

Fella named VANOOCH in Brooklyn ; Explaining peoples stance on FAITH

Well Kid It goes like this , there are 3 types of people when it comes to believing in god

The Faithful: They Believe in God

The Atheists: They Don't believe in God

'

Then there are the people who are not sure if there is a god they are called the ANOREXISTS!!!!!!

gotta love the old fellas back in Brooklyn, they made me what I am

[Olebiker]

A friend of mine was transferred from one government agency to another.  Dreading having to learn the initials for all the new technical terms he moaned, "Man, I have to learn a whole new set of anachronisms."

BASS used to have a series of tournaments they called Mega Bucks.  My Dad never could get that straight and always called the tournaments "Mini Bucks."  He used to get the great-grandchildren riled up when he would, in all seriousness, refer to "Squarebob Spongepants."

[bass wrangler569]

My friend turned in a paper for a science class last year about the history of astronomy where he wrote "The astronomers were castrated due to the small size of their telescopes." The teacher read it aloud to the class and after everybody was done cracking up, my friend told him that he thought that "castrated" was a synonym for "constricted." Now whenever he's talking to a chick I tell her to move on to another guy because "his telescope is so small they had to castrate him"  ;D

[bass wrangler569]

I hate when people claim that something is a "mute" point.

Yeah that ticks me off too

[Eddie Munster]

I hate when people claim that something is a "mute" point.

X1,000,000  

I had a boss that would say that ALL the time. God what a moron. He

said several things that would qualify.

Once he gave me a crappy yearly review and I asked to have a meeting with the manager about it. He told me 'I didn't mean for this review to sound decrimental to you'.

Another time he said he had a question about this report I wrote concerning adjustments to a chilled water chemical system. I wrote 'course adjustments final; minute adjustments to follow.' He said 'what's with minute adjustments (60 seconds of time)' I explained it's 'minute (as in small )' but they're spelled the same. He of course had me change it to 'small incriments' instead.

[SDoolittle]

When my son was in third grade he had to write about what he had done over summer break. He wrote about our camping trip. One of his sentences was "my mom has a tent". Only he misspelled tent and instead wrote "my mom has a @$# (boob)".

[Low_Budget_Hooker]

(PMT) Specific mtn time-  Family guy is on at 7 specific mtn time, likem "It'll be on specifically at 7"

Off topic but I hate when the language gets murdered.  One I've been hearing often is "Acrosst" or "Accrossed"  

in a sentence....."He was looking acrossed the lake"

[bass wrangler569]

When my son was in third grade he had to write about what he had done over summer break. He wrote about our camping trip. One of his sentences was "my mom has a tent". Only he misspelled tent and instead wrote "my mom has a @$# (boob)".

haha that's great lol  ;D

[SDoolittle]

Simpsons character Ralph Wiggum "Hi principal Skinner. Hi supernintendo Chalmers".

[SPEEDBEAD.]

I hate when people claim that something is a "mute" point.

Equally tragic is when someone who cannot hear is described as "death".

Drives me up a friggin' wall.

And don't get me started on "axing" a question.   Murder will ensue...

[detroit1]

I know i shouldn't go to the scrip-club, i was feelin rebellion!  (pacman jones, NFL)