The wife just left...

[The_Natural]

I've had two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20...orange.  I haven't had it since high school.  I remember why now...it gets you there....quick.

[burleytog]

I've had two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20...orange. I haven't had it since high school. I remember why now...it gets you there....quick.

Make sure you take photos of the ensuing vomit.  

[The_Natural]

I'm generally not a very sensitive guy, and in the past she has said some drastic things to get some passion out of me. However....whether it was just to get my attention or not...she works with this guy. It will always linger while she works with this dude.....and I'm generally not the jealous type. When I sober up tomorrow, I'll be embarrased I even posted this....makes me sound like an attention hore.

[Gone_Phishin]

I've had two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20...orange. I haven't had it since high school. I remember why now...it gets you there....quick.

My buddies and I pass that crap around and take mandatory cannonballs every caution during NASCAR races.  YUCK!!!

[The_Natural]

you were the best looking or funniest dude in the world.

d**n, just kick a man when he's down why don't ya!

Crap...I thought she did?!   That's all I've got!  

[burleytog]

Tell me about it brother.  If not for our looks, we'd have nothing.

[The_Natural]

Tell me about it brother. If not for our looks, we'd have nothing.

Well...there is one other thing   8-)

[cart7t]

the good news is, nothing is really irreparable for 2 people who really love each other and are truly committed to the relationship.

Bingo. I've been through this time and time again. Women seem to want that "newness" of a relationship to last a lifetime when in fact from some men's perspective, things change and people change over the course of time. Relationships evolve. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a matter of whether or not you can adapt and move on and find new ways to keep it exciting. For whatever reason some women have a hard time dealing with that. Hopefully for you two it's nothing that a serious coversation can't solve. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope it works out for the both of you.

Isn't this the truth.

My wife and I separated for a little over a year,  we just got back together last September.  We probably get along better than at anytime in our lives but she still clings to the notion that if I really loved her, I would be chasing after her like a dog in heat like I did nearly 23 years ago.

I was 23 years younger,  I was a different kind of person then.  Our relationship was different.  Apparently,  from her perspective, everything else is allowed to change and evolve except for that.  I honestly think it's more of a self esteem thing for the women rather than something being wrong with me.  

Good luck though, it can be repaired if you two want it to.  

[Low_Budget_Hooker]

Sounds like you both care enough about each other to at least TRY.

Granted, you may hate each other right now, but sure enough, something will trigger a fond memory or a GOOD quality will show itself again and remind you of all that's invested and just how much you have with each other.

Sometimes it just takes a little non partial help, have you considered an appointment with a neutral counselor?

Disclaimer-I've never been married but I DID stay in a Holiday inn last night.  (No, literally, I'm in Fla this weekend,and I'm at a Holiday Inn express,lol)

[done]

Sorry to hear about this man. I am sure it hurts a lot. I know it would me. Me and my wife started dating when she was 15 and I was 18. We are both in our 30's now.

You could say we have changed a LOT since we were dating. We have had some interesting times. I can say we have both hurt each other with poorly chosen words MANY times. Couple things that have helped us:

1. There is no "D", no way out of this. They always say you wold be amazed what you can do when you have no choice.

2. Oil changes/routing maintenance, we have regularly gone to marriage retreats and seminars. It can be fun, but at the least it is like an oil change for the truck. Without that maintenance, your truck may run pretty rough. BTW, your dates, absolutely awesome, don't give up on those.

3. Trust and forgiveness. This is by far the toughest one, at least for me. You have to trust your wife, which puts you WAY out on a limb because there is the chance your trust will be betrayed and that REALLY hurts, thats where forgiveness comes in.

4. Honesty, this is where you sit down and as calmly as possible, talk to your wife about what was said (apologize of you should), and explain how it makes you feel.  Also,  allow her to chat about her feelings.

My grandmother sat me down when I was getting married, she had told me me "Marriage is the toughest thing you will ever do, sometimes you cannot stand the person you are married to sometimes they can't stand you. But you work through it, you find a way even when there is none, and it will make you stronger." That from a woman who was married to my grandfather for 56 years even through the lost of their first and only son (they had 2 younger daughters).

Stick with it man, and good luck. Do not be afraid to bring in a marriage counselor if you both think you need it. At the least it shows both of your dedication to making it work.

[rfunfarm]

follow the fourbizz advice--After the make-up they have the fear that the sister (or best friend)  can take you away at anytime. THAT will be on HER mind forever. THEN you can progress ahead on even ground. ALSO spend a lot more time fishing, It's good to relax.

[dave]

Feelings come and go. Love is NOT a feeling. It is far deeper and it over comes all.

[Eddie Munster]

Some sound advice here to be sure but one thing I haven't heard mentioned is BOUNDARIES or the apparent lack of them.

A marriage (any relationship really) MUST have boundaries that CANNOT be crossed. NO EXCUSES. Some of the ones my wife and I have:

1. No person of the opposite sex is in your home without both spouses being there. Opposite sex inlaws included (her sister/your brother). PERIOD.

2. No friends of the opposite sex. This may sound a little extreme to some here but with friends there are feelings which may develop into intimacy. The only guys my wife talks to are at church and not for long. The only ladies I talk to are at church and not for long as well.

3. Do not discuss your marriage with a member of the opposite sex. The only person you should be talking to about your marriage outside your spouse is a marriage counselor. I'll wager if you do talk to your spouse about your marriage openly and honestly, the counselor won't be needed.

4. Some things can NEVER be taken back once spoken. This goes right to your post.

What your wife said wasn't that bad but it needs to be addressed. I would interpret that as she wants more intimacy from you (OUTSIDE the bedroom). This guy at her work is fulfilling a need that you are not. Calmly talk to her about her needs and what you can do differently. Discuss your needs as well. Also, let her know that her relationship with this guy at her work makes you uncomfortable. She may tell you that you're being ridiculous or something but reiterate to her that right or wrong, it's how that situation makes you feel. Your feelings are validated as you don't feel right about it.

For resolution of it, tell her that she needs to keep that relationship at work STICTLY professional. No joking around, social talking, and ESPECIALLY no working lunches. She may tell you that's impossible but it's not. It's necessary to preserve your marriage. PERIOD.

I also wouldn't be having him over the house EVER again because that's a form of intimacy and you need minimize the contact with him.

Someone might come by, read my post and tell me you need to trust your wife. Well, I do but only a fool would trust others enough not to have some defenses up.

Good luck and your marriage will be in my family's prayers.

[Hannons Hound]

I think when people in general says or does something that offends a person, guilt and other emotions are imminent. Afterwards they some how manage to lay blame to the person they just offended. In a relationship it's magnified 10 fold. Good luck and hopefully things work for the both you.

[BrianinMD]

Eddie Munster, one of the things that makes my current marriage so much better then my first is the trust we have. We both have friends of the opposite sex and we both have time to go out with friends. We both know the boundries which cannot be crossed, so far only one of my friends crossed it and we do not speak. As soon as the inappropriate comment was made it was done. Basically my believe is, if I can't trust her I shouldn't have married her.

The first marriage was more like yours, after a few years it started to wear on both of us. Everything that was done was done together and in the end thats what ended it.

The_natural, after reading your initial post is sounds like she left because she is upset at what she said thinking that you were mad, which yeah you do have a right to be. But in the long run of life, its not really that bad it can be talked about and overcome. Just hang it there, and don't do anything out of spite or pride to make it worse.

[cofishingrl]

I'm curious. You mentioned this earlier in your initial post...

"...her assistant at work (a young guy my age) ..."

Are you two roughly the same age or is there a significant difference? (Not that it should matter anyway).

I think the counseling idea is something to investigate. Having a neutral person who's role is to listen, moderate and offer nonjudgmental and unbiased advice might be what the two of you need right now. Many counselors will work on a sliding scale if the cost is prohibitive.

I wish you both good luck and God Bless.

[Eddie Munster]

Basically my believe is, if I can't trust her I shouldn't have married her.

The first marriage was more like yours, after a few years it started to wear on both of us. Everything that was done was done together and in the end thats what ended it.

I trust my wife completely as she does me. That being said, who could doubt that if you don't put yourself in certain situations you don't have to worry about making the right decision. Stay out of the sty and you don't have to lie with pigs, right?!  8-)

My wife and I are involved in church and that's where the majority of the people we hang out with come from. She has plenty of friends and interests outside of mine as I do from hers. I agree with you that you don't need to do EVERYTHING together.

[grimlin]

Same thing happened to my brother 7 years ago. He had two kids with her.Been divorced for 7 years now too.She pulled the same thing.She's now been married and divorced 3 times within that time span.

If you ask me,you got every right to be totally ticked off. It's just an excuse for women to use when things get old and tired.A guy shouldn't be the only one to keep thing interesting as well.

Talk to her,be gentle....YOU CAN'T MAKE HER COME AROUND.She has to come around to accept she did wrong...not you.

Funny thing is...my brother still chases her after 7 years...hoping that "spark" will come back.I feel bad for the dude.He's now in a seriously messed up life.

My point is becareful....don't let it get to you...that mad dog 20/20 can and could get worst.

Natural,you seem like a great dude,just take an easy and let her come around.If she doesn't...go from there.    

[flechero]

Natural,

My prayers for your marriage. I firmly believe that love is a choice. It's also a lot of work... If it were easy, no one would divorce.

I sincerely hope that each of you decides that it's worth it to continue to INVEST in the marriage. Sounds like there has been a lack of investment in one or more areas (emotion, time, effort, selflessness, etc.) over the last year(s).

Been there myself. A counselor can guide you two through it, fairly easily and quickly... then you just need to commit to putting in the effort to "fix" it. I have a much better marriage now, having had the trouble earlier on and addressing it.

Think back to when you dated... all the time you spent together, not just 'around' each other and compare the attention you paid to her then vs. now. When I did, it was easy to see the we had both changed our ways.

I've also learned that when I change my behavior, hers follows suit. Hard to do sometimes but making the first move usually works... even if it's not your "fault."

Best of luck to you,

Keith

[luger306]

remember she should be you friend, wife then lover in that order never go any place alone that you would not take her.some of the best dates we have had were spent at home.unplug the TV ,send the kids to a sitter(if any),turn off the phones(cells also)don't forget the computer.buy a better wine than 20/20(may be strawberry hill)while at the store buy two stakes,potatoes,onions,mushrooms cook them together.talk about where yall want to go in you marriage don't look in the pass to long(just long enuf to see your coarse)don't bring up the bad and remember the date does not stop at the end of the night treat her like you lady. good luck

[Grey Wolf]

You need to do you and your wife a favor if you really want to save your marriage. Get yourselves a good marriage counselor and quit wasting your time here talking to a bunch of fishermen about your martial problems. People will try to help you out because they do care but you need professional help to see if the marriage can be saved.

[NYfishwow]

Best of luck Natural. I always enjoy your posts, and though we've never met, you definitely seem like the kind of guy that I'd buy a brewski for. I sincerely hope it all works out.

one word, Fail

don't let dude hit on your wife, my god man!, dudes like that are just sick! knock him in nuts or something, believe it brother!

[Gone_Phishin]

Best of luck Natural. I always enjoy your posts, and though we've never met, you definitely seem like the kind of guy that I'd buy a brewski for. I sincerely hope it all works out.

one word, Fail

don't let dude hit on your wife, my god man!, dudes like that are just sick! knock him in nuts or something, believe it brother!

I'm missing the connection here.  Can you please tell me what my post has to do with this?

[=Matt 5.0=]

Sounds like she slipped the reference to the "other guy" in there on purpose?

Maybe go sniffing around one of her hot friends?

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife to death, we've been together for 13 years, but people change.

[Calcutta]

Natural, Remember when someone says something when they are mad, its usually what they are truly thinking deep inside.I second the advice on the counselor.