Deer roping

[basser89]

This is too funny not to share! This was an email I received.......

"Roping A Deer------- (Names have been removed to protect the Stupid!)

Actual letter from someone who farms and writes well!

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed

it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that,

since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The

cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out.. ...a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw.. my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand

there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action

when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT

stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I

could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no

controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off

my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me

that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had

originally imagined.

The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk

me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had

cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various

large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think

clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would

have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where

they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and

draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached

up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on

their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal --like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away

easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an

aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery

would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different

strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a

horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not

immediately run away. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds."

[MALTESE FALCON]

That was hilarious!! Lots of good information there. Too bad he learned the hard way.

Falcon

[farmpond1]

This is a replay from some time before (someone beat you to it).  Perhaps it's why there haven't been many responses.  But it's still hilarious!

[slomoe]

That was great  ;D

[Tin]

One of the funniest stories I have heard in a while.

[roadwarrior]

 Excellent!

[firefightn15]

My brother sent me this a few months ago.  Worthy of a reprint!  This one had me just about on the floor. ;D

[Fisher of Men]

Actual letter from someone who farms and writes well!

What's that supposed to mean?  I know lots of very intelligent and literate farmers.  

Very funny story!  ;D Back in the day when I taught vo-ag, our FFA chapter was in charge of a petting zoo (that included a borrowed fallow deer, not for petting, just looking at).  The fallow deer escaped as we were unloading it and some of the boys decided that they would rope it.  After about 30 minutes of chasing, someone finally managed to get the rope around its neck with much of the same result.  The only way we could get the thing to calm down was by putting a sack over its head.  I can imagine what a wild whitetail would do!

[basser89]

Actual letter from someone who farms and writes well!

What's that supposed to mean? I know lots of very intelligent and literate farmers.

Hey, don't shoot the messenger! I just posted it! I didn't write it!  

[burleytog]

I prefer to shoot the deer, then put the rope around it's neck.

[clipper]

A guy in our hunting club when I was a teenager had a pet 8 point buck in a pen (against the law now and maybe then).  He went in to feed it during the rut one day and it put him in the hospital.  It came close to killing him.  He finally got away from it by grabbing its tongue and pulling and twisting it so he could control it enough to slide under the fence.  He said his clothes were torn into strips by its hooves.

[Maxximus Redneckus]

this guys says he put the rope around his waist .I been around horses cattle goats and such there is a rule to ropes never ever loop/tie/twist it around anything on your body mainly your wrist it was my first lesson when i was about 8 yrs old and too this day no matter what i never ever do this with anything be it rope, chain ,twine connected to animal or machinery its a rule

[Bassn Blvd]

That was great.  It's sounds like something right out of a Jerry Clower tape.

[simplejoe]

That's a funny story I don't know anybody dumb enough to even try it

[Daniel A.]

Absolutely hilarious. I laughed until I cried.