Ever Tried To Lasso A Deere ?

[frogtog]

For all of you that hunt deer.................

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it

up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since

they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of  me

when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at  the

bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it

should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its

head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The

cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not

having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I

picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and

threw my  rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a

good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you  could tell

it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.  I took a step

towards it...it took a step away. I put a little

tension on  the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there

looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when You  start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT

stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could

fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance. That thing

ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no  controlling it and

certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off

my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had  originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me

off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes

to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the

big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed

venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of

that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it

would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and

I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had

cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various

large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly

enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny

amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the

deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to  get it lined back up

in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before

hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope

back. Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would

have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I

reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they

just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its  head--almost

like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a

deer bites you is probably to freeze and  draw back slowly. I tried

screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the

deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only

several seconds.  I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be

questioning that claim by  now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the

bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that

rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on  their

back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse--strikes  at

you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is

try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal.

This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would

not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse

that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit  you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice  as

strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit  me

right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not  immediately

leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has  passed. What

they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are

laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a

scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.

[FD.]

Jimmy, tell me that YOU did not do this........If you did you are as dumb as a box of those rocks that left those marks on your head....

[Mobydick]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D that is by far the funniest thing i've seen on here

[Long Mike]

Gawd, that was funny!  

[burleytog]

This is why you always carry a gun.

[Hookemdown.]

I lik to clime up some trees and then jumps on they're back and wrastle with em. ;D

[burleytog]

I lik to clime up some trees and then jumps on they're back and wrastle with em. ;D

I like to shoot them from hundreds of yards away, then grill their flesh with a little salt and olive oil.

[GitRDoneIke23]

better luck next time!

-Ike

[Hookemdown.]

I lik to clime up some trees and then jumps on they're back and wrastle with em. ;D

I like to shoot them from hundreds of yards away, then grill their flesh with a little salt and olive oil.

Are you shooting a .308 or a 7mm Mag?

[farmpond1]

This needs to be submitted to Outdoor Life, Field & Stream and even Ladies Home Journal! It's that funny!!!!

[Sam]

I just shoot them with my BB guy in my yard.

That's enough excitement for me.  ;D

[Hooked_On_Bass]

That was HILARIOUS! ;D

[fishfordollars]

I was told years ago you could drown one by roping his horns and grabing his tail if you can catch one in the water.

Same story second verse. We tried on Toledo Bend one day. Looped the bow rope over his horns and I was sure he was going to kick a hole in the boat. Last time I saw him he was running up the bank with a portion of my white bow rope still hanging from his rack.  I cut him loose to lessen the damage to the boat.

[quant PT]

Get some more stories like this one and you could be the next Jerry Clower!