nfl help wanted ads

[paul.]

well, it's almost official.  test results are back on alex smith's shoulder and he's probably done for the year and done with the 49ers.  i hate to see him injured again, but honestly this may be a blessing in disguise.  i think we can safely use the b-word for smith now - "bust" that is.  so my team is going to be looking for a qb.  i thought i could hopefully help with the process by placing a wanted ad here.

wanted:  

back up qb.  san francisco 49ers. opportunity for rapid advancement due to pathetic starter.

qualifications:

must be able to perform houdini-like magical escapes as the o-line will collapse with startling speed and regularity.  although not mandatory, eyes in the back of your head would be a plus.

must have been well-coached elsewhere because you will not be here.

must be able to throw with pinpoint accuracy as receivers will achieve zero separation.

must not panic in lopsided games.

must be at least good enough to make sure defense gets equal blame for upcoming losses.

must weigh less than 200 lbs. as frank gore will have to carry you on his back along with the other 9 offensive (pun intended) personnel.

must be in great shape, requiring very little or no time to recover from a 3 and out series as the defense will quickly give up scores requiring you to report back for duty with the offense immediately.

salary:

you will no doubt be grossly overpaid in proportion to your ability as this has been our policy with quarterbacks since jeff garcia.  

everyone please feel free to post your own team's help wanted ads here now or as the season progresses.  maybe it will help. :

[FD.]

you can have Jeff back....

[Eddie Munster]

Good one paul; I'm guessing all the eligible 2nd stringers out there are calling the Pats for an interview. I doubt Cassel will continue starting the entire year and the Pats ARE shopping. Dante Culpepper might get to throw to Moss again.

[TheBeast]

Wanted:    New owner for Washington Redskins.

[fishbear]

Seattle Seahawks - Wanted, any healthy body that can regularly catch a football.  Due to ummmm circumstances, the Seahawks are in need of anyone capable of learning the West Coast Offense in less than a week and run very precise timing routes for games for the next 15 weeks.  

You will need to be quick, arrogant, and already have titanium screws and or plates in your knees and shoulders.  Anyone with more than 10 NFL catches are welcome to apply (you would become our most experienced receiver on the team with that qualification alone). :'( :'(

[fishfordollars]

Houston needs:

Defensive secondary

Defensive line(Mario Williams/Demeco Ryans being the exception)

Quarterback(Actually we have a good one they just will not let him start)

Running back(Anyone that can average 3.0+ will do)

General Manager(Smith on the hot seat)

Head coach(He will be gone if the season ends up like last Sunday)

Center

Offensive line(They were pretty offensive Sunday)

[jax]

Go Philly!!!

Long time Philly fan here. Been one since we sucked. It nice that we have been competitive for the last few years. Word of comfort for everyone.

At least your team isn't the Raiders!!!