Something my grandfather told me...

[=Matt 5.0=]

It has always stuck in my head.

"If two people are in an elevator, and somebody farts..... everyone knows who did it."

[Long Mike]

Something my grandfather told me.  "If a tree farts in the woods, and no one hears it, does it make a sound?"  My grandfather was really weird.  ;D ;D

[=Matt 5.0=]

;D

[roadwarrior]

My grandfather lived to be 78. He told me the secrets to longevity were these:

#1  Pick the right parents

#2  Smoke whenever you are upright or sitting down

#3  Drink at least one bottle of wine per day, more if you can get it

#4   ** MOST IMPORTANT **  Avoid exercise at all cost!

[Cigarlover 1]

RW I like you grandfathers style.  

[Jimzee]

My grandfather always told me I could tear up an anvil with a rubber hammer.

[fishbear]

My grandads favorite saying was "It is only illegal if you get caught".  Which he lived.. feeding 16 kids thru the depression with poached venison and salmon.... :-/

[skillet]

 Both my grandfathers passed before my time. I did have a favorite uncle that one of the most important things he could ever teach me:

                              Beer before liquor never sicker,

                               Liquor before beer never fear!

                                             As Ever,

                                              skillet

[Sam]

My wife's father told our son to look at his girlfriends' mothers as that is how she will look when she gets older.

To say the least, he met, dated and then dropped more nice girls than you can shake a stick at.

His grandfather always looked at me and laughed after he told that to Scott.

Todayl, Scott is married to a beautiful young lady (she could be a fashion model) and her mother is not that attractive.

I bet his wife had other "attributes" and "could so some things special" that what his grandfather told him did not matter with this girl.

[Redlinerobert]

My grandparents and great uncle whom I respected very much all lived well into their 90's and over 100 for my grandmother.

Best advise?  Don't marry a woman you can live with.  Marry one you can't live without.

[tipptruck1]

My grandpas never give me advice. But my gradmas do. They both tell me never to get married. MY dad gave me good avdvice a few times. One that has stuck with me to this day. Take pride in your work, and make sure you do it right the first time.

[Guest muddy]

I guess the most important thing I  remeber my grandfather saying was:  HE GRABBED HIS CHEST AND SAID MY HEART, MY HEART!!!!

next day I attended my first funeral

[burleytog]

My grandfather always told me I could tear up an anvil with a rubber hammer.

I believe that about you.

[The Unabasser]

My Dad had a bit of a funny...

"If things don't change they're gonna stay the way they are"  :-? lol

I also once asked him when I was very young who invented the axe

He said "I don't know but he must have been a wild man"  

[rondef]

My grandfather taught me to be patient when I fish and to enjoy my time on the water regardless of catching fish or not.

[Popeye]

My PaPaw (Grandfather who actually raised me until I was 13) told me that "work hard in anything you do and it will pay off for you in the end!" Well, since I am rapidly approaching retirement after having worked for 45+ years, I look back on all that and can honestly say "PaPaw you were RIGHT and THANKS for the advice!!!"