How to give a cat a pill

[jdw174]

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little wretched's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

To Give a Pill To a Dog:

1. Wrap in bacon.

2. Toss in the air towards the dog.

[Jimzee]

That's awesome!! ;D ;D

[BUCKEYEone]

I know this is supposed to be a joke, but I think I have tried most of those tricks to no avail!  I would happily trade my wife's cats for a termite infestation.  Good one!

[Popeye]

My daughter who lives at home has 4 cats, one of which is a monster sized male Siamese and they are ALL like that when it comes to taking pills. She normally crushes them up and hides the powder in a spoon of soft food that she tries to get them to eat (usually works OK). That is a funny story though. My two St. Bernards will eat ANYTHING I place in their mouth, no problem at all. In fact, they'd eat the pill BOTTLE or foil if I let them:o)

[Tin]

My face and stomach hurt from laughing. ;D

[llPa1nll]

Oh man by far the funniest thing I have read in months. I was crying so hard with laughter. I cant tell you how many of those I have tried on a cat. Too funnny

[grimlin]

[GitRDoneIke23]

LOL!!! That's just one more reason why I have a dog!! I CAN'T STAND CATS!!!

[grimlin]

LOL!!! That's just one more reason why I have a dog!! I CAN'T STAND CATS!!!

[GitRDoneIke23]

LOL!!! That's just one more reason why I have a dog!! I CAN'T STAND CATS!!!

LOL!!!! ;D ;D ;D

[bassdocktor]

That was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

[skillet]

 If it wasn't true it wouldn't be near as funny. Have had at least one of the infernal beasts around most of my life (have 2 now) and still think they're great. I know, I know ... I have issues ...

                                           As Ever,

                                            skillet

[Fatman1267MM]

If you think a pill is bad, try taking something away from the other end.  All I can say is it involves a gunny sack and a very sharp knife.

[moby bass]

Sadly, most of that is true until you get the hang of it, then it's easy.

Voice of experience here.

Cutting claws isn't a whole lot better.  I got so I'm real fast, kinda like a

civil war surgeon that did amputations with no anesthetic. ;D