This Could Happen To YOU!

[frogtog]

           

           OLD FRIENDS:

           

           Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.

Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week

to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the

other and said , 'Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for

a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and

thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'

           

           Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she

just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need

to know?'

           _____________________________________________________

           LOST IN THE DARNEDEST PLACES

           An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to

report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she

explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo,

the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she

cried.

           

           The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the

way.'

           

           A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.'

He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

           ______________________________________________________

           FAMILY

           

           Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house

together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in

and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of

the bath?'

           The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up

and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs

or down?'

           The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having

tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure

hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll

come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

           ______________________________________________________

           'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

           

           Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing

golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'

           

           'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'

           

           And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a

beer.'

           __________________________________________ ____

           LITTLE LADY

           

           A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a

nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown

and say 'Supersex!' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.

Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex!'

           

           He sat silently for a moment or two and finally

answered, 'I'll take the soup.'

           _____________________________________________________

           SENIOR DRIVING

           

           As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his

car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning

him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the

wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'

           

           'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car! It's

hundreds of them!'

           ______________________________________________________

           DRIVING

           

           Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both

could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they

came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on

through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be

losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a

few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was

red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger

seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really

concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next

intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that

we just ran through three r ed lights in a row? You could have killed us

both!'

           Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I

driving?'

           TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

[skillet]

 Getting to that period of life way too fast ;D...

                                       As Ever,

                                        skillet

[Sam]

It will happen to everyone if we live long enough.

[Bean Counter]

It beats the alternative!

[.dsaavedra.]

hah! those are good! i dont get the one titled little old lady...

[flippincrazy]

soup or sex joke. too funny ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[.dsaavedra.]

OOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

i get it now!!!

haha thats funny!  ;D

[Tokyo Tony]

hah! those are good! i dont get the one titled little old lady...

"Supersex" = "soup or sex" as in "soup or salad" in restaurants

Those are funny  ;D

[Jake.]

Those are great.  ;D