ACOUPLE OF SMART a** ANSWERS TO COPS

[Guest the_muddy_man]

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead."

Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,

"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No Sir, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

[Root beer]

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

LMAO!! If i ever get pulled over one these days and a cop say that, oh man I'm defitnley going say that.

[skillet]

  :(and after he gets finished getting some "stick time" on my head, I'll still have to pay the fine ...

                                           As Ever,

                                            skillet

[SPEEDBEAD.]

Police officer: Son, your eyes look glassy. Have you been drinking?

Driver: No. Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?

[Siebert Outdoors]

Police officer: Son, your eyes look glassy. Have you been drinking?

Driver: No. Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?

LOL, you beat me to that one.

[SPEEDBEAD.]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your *** kicked on COPS?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around -

that's how far ahead of me they are.

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and

got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

[Zel]

A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed, except now he's driving at 65 mph, the maximum limit. Several miles further along, the Trooper's right on his bumper and the man increases his speed to 75 mph. The Trooper activates his lights and siren and the man reluctantly pulls onto the shoulder. After the Trooper demands the man's driver's license and registration, he sez, "Mr. {Smith}, I cannot for the life of me figure out why, when you knew I was behind you for quite some time, you sped up knowing that you could be cited for speeding. What in the world caused you to do that ? The man looked relieved, stared the Trooper directly in the eye and softly spoke, "Trooper, three months ago, my wife ran off with a Maryland State Trooper. I thought you were him, bringing her back."

[llPa1nll]

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead."

Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,

"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No Sir, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Giving due credit where credit is due. "Here's Your Sign Reloaded - Bill Engvall" From the popular BLue Collar Comedy Tour...

[bassnleo]

EEEEEAZY on the cop jokes guys, there's a few of use around here

Just kidding, I get a laugh out of them too, even heard a few of them

My 2 favorite bumper stickers are "Bad cop..no doughnut" and "Support the Police..Beat yourself up"

[fishing=life]

A guy gets pulled over for speeding 88 MPH in a 45

zone. The cop asks for his drivers license and the guy

says, "I'm sorry officer, but my license was suspended

after my 5th DUI."

The cop asks for his registration and the guy says,

"It's in the glove compartment, but it's not in my name

because I stole this car in a car jacking and I killed

the woman that owns the car and stuffed her in the

trunk and the gun I used is in the glove compartment.

At this point the cop tells the guy to keep his hands

in sight and he radios for back-up.

When a supervisor shows up, the cop tells him the story

and he walks up to the guy in the car. The supervisor

asks to see the guy's drivers license and the guy hands

it over and it is valid with the guys real name and

information.

The supervisor asks for the registration and the guy

says, "It's in the Glove compartment." The supervisor

tells the guy to keep his hands in sight and walks

around to the passenger side and opens the glove

compartment. There is the registration in the guys

name and everything seems in order.

Next the supervisor asks the guy to get out and open

the trunk. The guy opens the trunk and the only thing

there is a spare tire.

At this point the supervisor tells the guy what the

other cop had told him. The guy says "I'll bet that

lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding too!"

[SPEEDBEAD.]

haha, I love that joke.

Hadnt heard it in a while.  LOL

[Root beer]

A guy gets pulled over for speeding 88 MPH in a 45

zone. The cop asks for his drivers license and the guy

says, "I'm sorry officer, but my license was suspended

after my 5th DUI."

The cop asks for his registration and the guy says,

"It's in the glove compartment, but it's not in my name

because I stole this car in a car jacking and I killed

the woman that owns the car and stuffed her in the

trunk and the gun I used is in the glove compartment.

At this point the cop tells the guy to keep his hands

in sight and he radios for back-up.

When a supervisor shows up, the cop tells him the story

and he walks up to the guy in the car. The supervisor

asks to see the guy's drivers license and the guy hands

it over and it is valid with the guys real name and

information.

The supervisor asks for the registration and the guy

says, "It's in the Glove compartment." The supervisor

tells the guy to keep his hands in sight and walks

around to the passenger side and opens the glove

compartment. There is the registration in the guys

name and everything seems in order.

Next the supervisor asks the guy to get out and open

the trunk. The guy opens the trunk and the only thing

there is a spare tire.

At this point the supervisor tells the guy what the

other cop had told him. The guy says "I'll bet that

lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding too!"

The verison I heard it was an old lady rather then a guy.