Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Posted

>>  HOW TO

>> CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

>>     George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when

>> his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which

>> she could see from the bedroom window.

>>   George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there

>> were people in the shed stealing things.

>>   He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said

>> "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should

>> simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

>>   George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police

>> again "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were

>> people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about

>> them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.

>>   Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an

>> ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars

>> red-handed.

>>   One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd

>> shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

>>   I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people!!

>>   Don't stop now.

>>

>>

>>   AND

>>

>>   Time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."

>>

>>   The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who

>> spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM).

>> That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous,

>> successful lawsuits in the United States.

>>

>>Here are this year's winners:

>>

>>7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a

>>jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was

>>running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were

>>understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving

>>little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

>>

>>**************************

>>

>>6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical

>>expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.

>>Mr.Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the

>>car when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps.

>>

>>**************************

>>

>>5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house

>>he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get

>>the garage door to go up since the automatic door was malfunctioning. He

>>couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and

>>garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.

>>Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on

>>a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the

>>homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental

>>anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000. In my opinion this is so

>>outrageous that it should have been 2nd Place!  You'll see why it doesn't

>>remotely come close to First Place as you read on!

>>

>>   **************************

>>

>>4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500

>>and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door

>>neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.

>>The award was less than originally sought, because the jury felt the dog

>>might have been just a little provoked at the time, by Mr. Williams who

>>had climbed over the fence in to the yard and was shooting it repeatedly

>>with a pellet gun.

>>

>>**************************

>>

>>3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of

>>Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and

>>broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.

>>Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an

>>argument.

>>

>>**************************

>>

>>2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner

>>of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom

>>window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred

>>while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room

>>to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental

>>expenses.

>>**************************

>>

>>1st Place: This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma

>>City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago

>>motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having

>>driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly

>>left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich.  Not

>>surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.

>>Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual

>>that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a

>>new

>>motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of

>>this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.


  • Outboard Engine

    Fishing lures

    fishing forum

    fishing forum

    fishing tackle

    fishing

    fishing

    fishing

    bass fish

    fish for bass





×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.