frogtog Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 >> HOW TO >> CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. >> George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when >> his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which >> she could see from the bedroom window. >> George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there >> were people in the shed stealing things. >> He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said >> "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should >> simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. >> George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police >> again "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were >> people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about >> them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up. >> Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an >> ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars >> red-handed. >> One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd >> shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" >> I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people!! >> Don't stop now. >> >> >> AND >> >> Time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." >> >> The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who >> spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). >> That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, >> successful lawsuits in the United States. >> >>Here are this year's winners: >> >>7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a >>jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was >>running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were >>understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving >>little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son. >> >>************************** >> >>6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical >>expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. >>Mr.Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the >>car when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps. >> >>************************** >> >>5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house >>he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get >>the garage door to go up since the automatic door was malfunctioning. He >>couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and >>garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. >>Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on >>a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the >>homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental >>anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000. In my opinion this is so >>outrageous that it should have been 2nd Place! You'll see why it doesn't >>remotely come close to First Place as you read on! >> >> ************************** >> >>4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 >>and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door >>neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. >>The award was less than originally sought, because the jury felt the dog >>might have been just a little provoked at the time, by Mr. Williams who >>had climbed over the fence in to the yard and was shooting it repeatedly >>with a pellet gun. >> >>************************** >> >>3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of >>Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and >>broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. >>Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an >>argument. >> >>************************** >> >>2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner >>of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom >>window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred >>while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room >>to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental >>expenses. >>************************** >> >>1st Place: This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma >>City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago >>motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having >>driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly >>left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not >>surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. >>Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual >>that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a >>new >>motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of >>this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around. Quote
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