STUN GUN ( Only a guy would do this )

[frogtog]

 

STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this :

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came

across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of

the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I

loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself

that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,

right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently

(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions

and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &

blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of

a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself

against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as

advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading

glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control;

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"

long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my

best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I

touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,

picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be

sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits

(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward

for their safe return.

[Maxximus Redneckus]

Im gonna try that one day

[lunchbox508]

Dont try it red neck i have done it and he is right there is no such thing as a 1 second burst! My mom has one of these that i ordered of the internet simply for protection i have shocked friends with it too and its hillarious until it rolls around to your turn. ;D

[Triton21]

ROFLMAO. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[MALTESE FALCON]

Thanks, that's the best laugh I've had in a long time. My dog is looking at me like I'm crazy.

Falcon

[Guest avid]

I'm having a birthday party for my granddaughter next week.

Would you mind coming over and zapping yourself?

C'mon,  It's for the kids!!!!!!! ;D

[frogtog]

It won't never happen again! I runaway every time I see one of those things.

[Bass Smacker]

     BBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OMG thats is so funny.

 Thank you for sharing

JACK

   

[BOOYAH]

ROFLMAO

I think you should do it again and record it this time, I would probably pay to see that lol.

[BASS fisherman]

I avoid anything that has the chance of shocking me.  Electricity is one of the most mysterious forces on earth IMO.  I have been shocked more times than I can remember, and it is NOT fun.  Ok maybe a little, at first, but when you can see your body from what seems like a seat in the clouds, it isn't fun anymore.   When I lived in the first apartment I ever had, my buddy used to carry a stun gun around with him and he always had it with him.  One night during a party we all decide to shock the first person to pass out.  It ended up being one of our good friends and I have never seen someone move so quick after a quick burst of electricity.  He was in on it, so he wasn't too mad, just more shocked.

[lunchbox508]

The worst shock i have ever gotten was from the battery to the trolling motor. I was touching one side of it and was reaching for a pair of pliers and my forearm touched the other post. My cousin thaught it was the funniest thing he had ever seen and i could hardly breathe and i almost fell in the water.

[mjhutch1116]

I am an electrician, so I get shocked on a regular basis. (you never know when someone turns on a breaker when they are not supposed to) so I am very familar with what 120 volts feels like, and it does hurt!!  With that said I think I would still allow myself to be shocked one time just for the experience and to be able to say that I did it.  

[John J.]

Only a guy would do this or the Jack@$$ guys would! Have you guys seen this movie and seen the special features? They actually took a stun gun and turned it on and basically played "Stun Gun Potato" with it. It was funny!

I've read this before. I've never been stunned by a stun gun, and I pray to god I never will.  ;D

[lunchbox508]

I thaugh that was hillarious john I have watched it several times.

[skillet]

 I knew it had to be great when I read the part in the title "only a guy would do this". I just don't know if God gave women some kind of safety switch in their brain or what. They have no sense of adventure or couriosity and are no fun when it comes to this kind of thing. I can just see my wife sitting on the sofa, in the den, with just her under clothes on, taser in hand wondering something like that (get the picture). Ain't gonna happen never will!!!

 I had tears in my eyes   by the time I got thru reading that. It was great!!!

                                                                As Ever,

                                                                 Skillet

[timmyswetarded]

i tried this with a dog collar, i wasnt about to put my dog through something if i didnt know what it felt like...turned it all the way up, put it on my thigh...ouch but i'd really hate to have one of those things shock me....oh by the way i have nevered turned it up full blast on my dog, a little too inhumane

[BOOYAH]

Hey frog i found em for ya... sumone stole em lol.

http://affiliates.allposters.com/link/redirect.asp?item=417074&AID=821065366&PSTID=1&LTID=2

[Munkin]

Frog I know what you were thinking I kind of had the same idea?

A couple years ago when I was at Ft. Leonard Wood Missouri for Military Police school they had a weapons fair that they had all the lieutenants attend. Taser had a booth set up and upon speaking with the rep I said that I wonder what it would feel like to be tased? He said that he would give me some shirts and some Taser stuff if he could tase me in a demonstration? At the time this did not seem like a bad idea I mean it is only 5 seconds and I am tough  :-? The last thing the Taser guy said to me was try to resist? Now can anyone guess what the longest and worst 5 seconds of my life were :'(  Now I have worked with electricity for years and have been shocked so many times I can guess the voltage but man did that suck! You smile while it is shocking you because it makes all your muscles tense. Now every time I hear something that sounds like that spark I flinch a little. :-/

http://www.taserx26.com/

Allen

[Rose_Jackets67]

I have a buddy who is a Sheriff's Deputy, and he said that they do a special little exercise when they issue stun guns to the new guys. Apparently, all the new deputys sit in a row indian-style and lock arms. One of the older deputys then shoots the young deputy in the middle, and the shock is transferred to the rest of them.

Recently I saw a video posted of something similar (I think it was a group of young Army inlistees), and it was definately as hillarious/awesome as it sounds.

adam

[Bassn Blvd]

Man I swear I am peeing my pants laughing so hard.  I am a police officer and had to get certified with those about 15 yrs ago. We first had to shock ourself on the thigh while sitting and then stand up and have our partner shock us on the collar bone area. Yes it hurt like hell.  Now with advancement in technology they have developed the taser which is common amongst law enforcement except these shoot out two 21' wires with harpoon type needles with barbs that stick in ya.  Yep, we had to get shot with those also.  3 second burst will drop you through the floor and your balls WILL runaway......So I feel for ya bro...  

[John J.]

i tried this with a dog collar, i wasnt about to put my dog through something if i didnt know what it felt like...turned it all the way up, put it on my thigh...ouch but i'd really hate to have one of those things shock me....oh by the way i have nevered turned it up full blast on my dog, a little too inhumane

Same story here...my sister bough a shock collar for her dog and she put it on the dog and shocked her when she got by the trash can (trying to eat trash) and it didn't work! So my sister took it off and gave it to her husband and tried to shock him, didn't work. So then the husband come out with the brilliant idea; "Maybe the voltage isn't set high enough" my sister turned it up three cranks and shocked him. A little zip but really not much to hurt, and my sis's husband said "Turn it up all the way and lets see if that will work, as far as I know this shock collar is weak". You should have seen the look of my brother in laws face when she cranked it up to max and hit the button! LOL!  ;D ;D ;D

He yelped like a dog himself, threw it on the ground screaming "That's cruel! That's cruel!"  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :P :P

[frogtog]

When I was growing up I know my Mom and Dad could have used one of those shock collars. ;D