2007 Darwin Awards

[Sam]

The Darwin Awards have been made for 2006.

In case you don't know it's an annual honor given to the person who did

the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most

extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was

killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was

attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees this year, in reverse order, are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply

because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with

milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited

into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned

his house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died

of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and

weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and

white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to

create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas

mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in

its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a

hollow tube approximately 30" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other

end was, for reasons unknown, inserted into his rectum and was the cause

of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the

circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude

when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the

occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and

crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants

around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus

straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County

police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these

straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end

to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.

Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia

was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that

he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the

ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was

"Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a

friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.

The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was

hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the

smell of a gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,

extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.

After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas

company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had

difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the

lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the

technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that

resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like

object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to

three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter

was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of

causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt

Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf

course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix,

Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the

machine.Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by

spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's balls in place, thus

wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed

his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.

Unfortunately for him, the height of the ball washer was more than a

foot higher off the ground than his are in a normal stance,

and his balls were the weakest link. Sanchez's balls ripped open during

the fall, and one was plucked from him forever and remained in

the ball washer, while the other was compressed and flattened

as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating

machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00

driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to

balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the

remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't

die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act

of stupidity, we have allowed it.

[KU_Bassmaster.]

;D ;D

Are these for real???

[Sam]

Unlike the KC Chiefs, they are supposed to be for real.

Sorry about the Chief's comment but I remember you going wild when I told you before football season that the Chiefs were not going to be good this year. Of course, I was wrong because the Chiefs did very well.

Maybe next year!

[KU_Bassmaster.]

Maybe next year!

Boy am I sick of hearing that. ;D ;D ;D  What a DISGUSTING performance on Saturday.

[bassmasta7]

That last one makes me cringe.

[Guest the_muddy_man]

I guess he is lucky he didn't try to wash his putter too

[bassmasta7]

Nice muddy!  ;D

[RiskKid.]

I love the Darwin Awards.........makes me realize I'm not so dumb after all!