Is this change of life or what?

[Lady Bass]

                 This is crazy..he's 46 and every girl he see's he stares like there's no tomorrow and then laugh's. He did that open house last night at the highschool.. and I told him to behave and stop it. I have over looked it for some time but now it's getting way to much. I'm not jealous or a fat hog either..but if the shoe was on the other foot he would have a fit. He's jealous but won't show it in front of me. It's just so hard to deal with. So is this just a phase at his age or what?? I know this board is 90% guys but is there anyone of you who is a counsellor in in this field beside's fishing and can help me before I lose my mind.

[Grey Wolf]

He's doing what most men do at any age. If it is bothering you that much , you should have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him that you respect him too much to ogle every young man that walks by and he should respect you as much and not flip out every time he sees a woman.

[Tom Bass]

You could carry a squirt gun and everytime he stares at another woman you could just blast him to cool his jets and get his attention. ;D

I have to admit, I am a girl watcher and my wife knows it but I am not impolite about it and I think I know my bounds in regards to respect for my wife and looking at other Ladies. All guys do it in one fashion or another, some just don't know when enough is enough. Sometimes those fellas need to be told about it.

I would have a sit down with him and just tell him how you feel....and keep the squirt gun standing by.

[edbassmaster]

Honestly all guys look at girls...but to do it in front of their wives in my opinion is disrespectful. I've only been married for six years so I'm no expert, but I wouldnt insult my wife like that. When I'm out with her, we are together...now wit the fella's...thats another story, lookie no touchie!!

[paparock]

Not all guys are girl watchers just like not guys drink or cheat on thier wives. Some of us males are known among our friends for not being that way. It does sound like some counseling is needed in appropriate behavior especially in public. The situation is not going to get better over night or with one counseling session. If you belong to a church pastoral counseling is free and some pastors are quite good. I understand how embarrassing such behavior must be and I wish you the best at finding the right help.

[BassChaser57]

Hi Lady Bass,

   If nothing else is going on, he is at least guilty of not taking your needs of security, importance, and needing to feel appreciated into account. It is a sad but true fact in America that after the I-Dos are said people let themselves go both physically and emotionally. Why is it that in the USA dating stops after the wedding? It is my belief that you have a commitment to each other to be the first to laugh with, cry with, tell your secrets to, and to be best friends.

I do not do depreciate my wife by that sort of behavior, and in my opinion it is not an acceptable behavior for any husband--but sadly a popular one. It seems as if many husbands are like fishermen--they complain about the one they caught and brag about the one that got away.

I have learned that we all walk in the direction we look, hopefully he will look back your direction.

Many wives attempt to get their husbands to "straighten up" through nagging and complaining--that will not work--ever! It just drives a bigger wedge.

Be the person he married, do the right thing, be fun to be around, and then the ball will be in his court.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[K_Mac]

Hi Lady Bass,

If nothing else is going on, he is at least guilty of not taking your needs of security, importance, and needing to feel appreciated into account. It is a sad but true fact in America that after the I-Dos are said people let themselves go both physically and emotionally. Why is it that in the USA dating stops after the wedding? It is my belief that you have a commitment to each other to be the first to laugh with, cry with, tell your secrets to, and to be best friends.

I do not do depreciate my wife by that sort of behavior, and in my opinion it is not an acceptable behavior for any husband--but sadly a popular one. It seems as if many husbands are like fishermen--they complain about the one they caught and brag about the one that got away.

I have learned that we all walk in the direction we look, hopefully he will look back your direction.

Many wives attempt to get their husbands to "straighten up" through nagging and complaining--that will not work--ever! It just drives a bigger wedge.

Be the person he married, do the right thing, be fun to be around, and then the ball will be in his court.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I completely agree with the above. I have to admit that I am sometimes guilty of looking. We men are visual creatures, and our attraction to the oppposite sex is a powerful force, but we do have the ability to behave in a way that honors our commitment to our wives. As BassChaser mentions, it is a two way commitment, and a big part of that is open, honest communication. If counseling is needed, get it. That is not easy or comfortable, but is worth the effort. Advice is often worth what you pay for it, and my only credentials are my wife and I, by the grace of God, have managed to stay together for over thirty years. We have made plenty of mistakes (most of them mine) and will no doubt continue to make them, but our love and respect for each other is greater than ever. As the others have said, I wish you the best.

[Low_Budget_Hooker]

I'm not married and most likely never will be but when you meet a couple like Kevin and Tera (basschaser57), where you can see without looking, that they are best friends, it still gives me hope.

Best friends first and the rest would fall into place I should think. Again, I have zero experience with marriage but that's only because I wouldn't settle for someone that wasn't my very bestest friend.

Perhaps having your hubby read this thread can help? If he's defensive, well,.....you've found a place to start.

Good luck.

[Replica.]

                 This is crazy..he's 46 and every girl he see's he stares like there's no tomorrow and then laugh's. He did that open house last night at the highschool.. and I told him to behave and stop it.

It sounds like your husband is insecure and this behavior is a way of masking his insecurity. If he was just taking a quick look you could say it was human nature, but being obvious and arrogant about it points to a bigger problem. It sounds like he is trying to make you feel insecure so he can feel better about himself.

[Guest avid]

Has it escaped notice that this 46 year old man was blatantly ogling high school girls at a school event?

It is my firm belief that his marital status is not the real issue here.

[K_Mac]

Has it escaped notice that this 46 year old man was blatantly ogoling high school girls at a school event?

It is my firm belief that his marital status is not the real issue here.

My wife read this thread a little while ago so I could get her point of view. She immediately said much the same as avid. I just took for granted the women at this event were teachers, and other parents. If avid and my wife are correct...well that is another story.

[Guest the_muddy_man]

Heres my.02 I am 55 and truthfully I see gorgeous WOMEN all the time. WOMEN for me means over 35 , come on man little girls are CHILDREN. Im not with any steady one person, and I have messed up one marrige already SO I AINT EXACTLY DR.PHIL but I think its the hight of disrespect to look at one woman while in the company of another And if Im by myself I try and sneak a peek, I dont have the right to make anyone else uncomfortable MY .02

[cart7t]

I learned a long time ago to not ogle at the gals when I'm out with her.  Obviously a complete lack of respect.  Do I sneak a peak if it's a really nice knockout?  You bet and she expects it but I don't sit n stare.

Now, as far as high school girls.  I've got a 24 year old and a 17 1/2 year old.  About 10 years ago I started looking at gals under 24-25 years of age as kids, haven't really been interested since.  Now, a nice 35-45 year old that's held up well will certainly catch my eye any day.

[Gatorbassman]

Those of you that say that all men look are WRONG!!!!!

Paparock is right. Not all men look. Those of us that don't look have the respect of our friends and the love of our spouse. My parents have been married for almost 50 years and my father gave me my pholosiphy when it comes to staying faithful in both mind and body. He told me that, "You can't find what you aren't looking for." So I don't look for it. We have date night every other week and family night every week. I support my wife and we work togeather to raise our children. Do we argue? You bet we do. But we don't let it go long before we make up.

Lady Bass,

 You need to sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel and don't let it slide the next time you see him do it.

[Tom Bass]

Yeah, Right!

[Guest the_muddy_man]

Hey Fluke YEA U RIGHT One of my closest friends just celebrated 19 years of marrige. We have been best of friends for 9 years NEVER ONCE I MEAN NEVER Has he ever said to me (im Single) hey check that out, even when its just the fellas. So I know this type of fatiffulness is possible I see it on a daily basis.

[BucketmouthAngler13]

I'm not married and most likely never will be but when you meet a couple like Kevin and Tera (basschaser57), where you can see without looking, that they are best friends, it still gives me hope.

Best friends first and the rest would fall into place I should think.  Again, I have zero experience with marriage but that's only because I wouldn't settle for someone that wasn't my very bestest friend.

Perhaps having your hubby read this thread can help?  If he's defensive, well,.....you've found a place to start.

Good luck.  

I agree 100% with LBH.

I'm not married (lol) and when i am i wont settle for someone that wasn't my very bestest friend.

Just MHO

[cart7t]

Just because I bought a new car that I really love doesn't mean I can't or don't look in the showroom windows from time to time and admire the new models....

I just don't take them for test drives anymore.  

[Gatorbassman]

It's easy to carry yourself as a married man to the point that everyone knows it.

I work at a large hospital. I don't wear my wedding ring due to the hazards of loosing the skin off of my finger while doing my job. But despite not wearing a ring most of my co-workers know that I am married. I do not flirt or act like I am looking and I don't let other women flirt or hit on me. I don't put myself in a situation where my values could be compromised. I take my marriage very seriously. I may sound impossible to some of you but I know it is possible for a man to cleave unto his wife and no other. I do it every day and I am a happier man because of it. For those of you who think that it is impossible, I am sorry you feel that way.

[Low_Budget_Hooker]

Oh,..they're out there, some of us have had better examples than others when we were growing up.  Not putting anyones parents down, not at all, but my parents have been best friends now for 58 yrs.  Married for 39 of them.  When you grow up around that kind of relationship, you can recognize it better when you see it.

I just never found anyone who made me feel about them, the way I can SEE how my mom feels about my dad, or how Fluke feels about his wife, or how Kevin feels about Tera.

They ARE out there, and frankly, I'm a bit jealous of them, but knowing , for sure, what it SHOULD be, I could never settle for less.  I wouldn't do that to myself and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else.

[paparock]

"They ARE out there, and frankly, I'm a bit jealous of them, but knowing , for sure, what it SHOULD be, I could never settle for less. I wouldn't do that to myself and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else. "

That LBH, is an extremely moral stand that will pay you untold dividends in joy while saving you a ton of pain more so because you can look beyond self and see the same benefit to another. That is great insight that many never achieve. My hat is off to you sir.

Unbelievably I spent some years studying theology and the professor that I loved most dearly had a saying that stuck with me thru all these years. It deals with this subject as well as any that involves temptation. You can not stop birds from flying over your head but you can stop them from making nests in your hair. Think on that.  

[Lady Bass]

         wow..thank-you guys for all the responses and advise in this thread. it's much appreciated more the you know. and like my dear father alway's told me..''take one day at a time'' and that's what I will do and I know god is with me at all times no matter what happens.

[senile1]

Quote

Those of you that say that all men look are WRONG!!!!!

Paparock is right. Not all men look. Those of us that don't look have the respect of our friends and the love of our spouse. My parents have been married for almost 50 years and my father gave me my pholosiphy when it comes to staying faithful in both mind and body. He told me that, "You can't find what you aren't looking for." So I don't look for it. We have date night every other week and family night every week. I support my wife and we work togeather to raise our children. Do we argue? You bet we do. But we don't let it go long before we make up.

Lady Bass,

 You need to sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel and don't let it slide the next time you see him do it.

It looks like I'm late on this thread.  I was out of town for the weekend.  Are you telling me that when a beautiful woman walks into your field of vision, unexpectedly, that you close your eyes or turn your head?  If you or your wife have women friends that are attractive, do you speak to them with your eyes closed?  If an attractive woman waits on you at a place of business, again, are you closing your eyes?  Of course not.  That would be ridiculous.  So, by the actual definition of the word, look, you do look.  I think what you mean is you don't make a show of drooling and looking at a woman up and down.  You look when it is necessary to look just as you would look at a man if he was talking to you, waiting on you, etc.  So we all look.  I think what you mean is, you don't ogle women.  And I agree with your point, and others, that it is disrespectful to one's mate to ogle women.  

[senile1]

I knew what you meant but I just had to make the point to the guys that say we all look.  There is a difference between looking at someone as a human being worthy of respect, and looking at someone as a piece of meat.  

The point would have been made better if I had chosen someone's quote who stated that we all look.  

[Tom Bass]

Just for the record: I have been married 26 years to most wonderful woman on the planet Earth...and I still look.

It's like my wife says. "You can read the menu, you just can't order"

I look, I don't ogle and stare. There is a difference.