Lost my dad..advice?

[JMac603]

I'm struggling here, folks. I lost my dad a year and a half ago. We were partners in business (a very small business of 3 employees and him and I) so I can't stop to catch my breath given work volume. I grew up in this so it's also comforting in its own way, but d**n it I'm hurting. Could use his sage business advice and to just talk to my best friend again. 

 

I'm here for the mild anonymity and hopefully for some advice on how to not hurt so much. Everyone tells me it hurts less with time...how much because it hasn't yet. 

[Mike L]

You and your family have my condolences. 
 

I know what you’re asking and how it feels but there are no answers to your question and no timetable for you to receive one. 
I wish there was. 

 

All you can do is run your business the best you can using everything he taught you. 

Some may shake thier heads or roll their eyes but..Talk to him, and listen. 

The hurt never leaves, it just gets somewhat more manageable. 
 

 

 

 

Mike
 

 

[J._Bricker]

Sorry for your loss @JMac603 and your family’s. I wish there were some words of wisdom that could provide some comfort we all search for in these times. I know I did. All one can do is move forward to honor the memories and lessons learned while sharing them with those willing to listen.

[Capt Steve]

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. Sooner or later we all go through this. But hearing this doesn't make it any easier now. I lost my dad about 15 years ago and I still miss him. But as Mike mentioned, the pain never goes away but it does get easier and more manageable. My dad was my buddy and taught me to hunt and fish. I think about him often while I'm on the water or in the woods.  
I know I will see him again. 
make sure to keep the good memories of your dad and they will continue to come back to you at times. Those times bring a tear to my eyes. But I think that kind of grief is a good 

Take care and I wish you well

[Mobasser]

My dad's been gone since 1982. I think about him all the time. My go to man. I'll always miss him. Time does help heal this. I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences.

[GRiver]

My condolences, lost mine too. He was a diehard fisherman too. When we bought lures, soft plastics or what ever, we bought two. We buy some for the other one as well.
I couldn’t go fishing for awhile, I still think about him often and every time I go fishing now. It does get easier, it’s because I think of the happy fun times and not sad times because he’s gone. I still think about the fish we caught, to falling in and getting soaked. 
Good times

[Kirtley Howe]

I can offer no advice. The loss, and how you deal with it varies with each person. In my case the hurt never went away, I just got better at dealing with it. I wish you well.

[VolFan]

I lost my dad about 8 years ago. It is what I would imagine losing a leg is like. You are off balance for a long time, and it’s not a matter of getting back to normal; it’s a matter of re-establishing what normal is. What you are going through is terribly hard, but it is normal. Emotional healing is very hard, and it’s not always apparent when it’s good or when it’s still raw. Talking about it is good, so you’re on the right track. Sometimes it’s one day at a time, sometimes it’s one hour or minute at a time. It doesn’t matter as long as you keep moving it forward.

[Columbia Craw]

I am so very sorry about your loss. As you can see, you’re not alone. I lost my Dad to cancer 21 years ago.  It’s very very hard. I made promise to my Dad I couldn’t keep and it haunted me for years. I had to know he would have understood and it wasn’t my fault.

 

I tell people who never met my father that they actually had by knowing me. Know me was akin to knowing him.  My Dad is still present in me. I respect that and do the best I can to reflect the very best of his essence in me. 
 

I have most of my Dad’s tools so I try to recall him using them and teaching me how to use them.  I at times talk to him when I’m alone. Being older, I have few pictures to his hard hat and tools are my memory triggers. 
 

Finally, I talk about my Dad to my grand children often so he is alive in their memories.  I even wrote my Dad a letter telling him how loosing him impacted me.  In all these actions, I allow myself to grieve and sometimes weep.  It’s healthy.  Most of all I count the blessing of having a father, however imperfect who really loved me in his own special way.

[JMac603]

Thank you all for the condolences and shared stories. It just doesn't feel like it's gotten any easier. Man...I'd kill to talk to him. 

[Captain Phil]

Words can not express the feeling of losing someone you love.  When I was a young man I never thought about death, it was something that happened to other people.  Now that I am old, it happens all around me.  I lost my parents many years ago. One day they were here and then they were gone.  When you lose a parent, you lose part of yourself.  Your parents were the foundation of your life.  They were "home" and now you can't go back there.  In time, your heart will heal.  You won't forget. You will think about them often. There are things you would like to say to them, but you can't.  It's up to you to carry on.  It's what they would want.

[Dwight Hottle]

My condolences. The above advice is all good & spoken from the heart. My only advice is you continue to speak with others about him and how you feel. Talking about your loss is cathartic. You need to grieve his loss in order to get better. 

[TnRiver46]

I’d like to think the old man would want me to keep on with my life and be strong , maybe even learn from the whole experience and become somehow better from it. 

[JMac603]

5 hours ago, TnRiver46 said:

I’d like to think the old man would want me to keep on with my life and be strong , maybe even learn from the whole experience and become somehow better from it. 

Oh he'd be kicking my butt knowing I'm losing time with this. Work/business was everything to him..it's what he did when he lost his dad. Part of me just feels like "moving on" isn't doing him enough justice - if that makes any sense. 

[TnRiver46]

8 minutes ago, JMac603 said:

Oh he'd be kicking my butt knowing I'm losing time with this. Work/business was everything to him..it's what he did when he lost his dad. Part of me just feels like "moving on" isn't doing him enough justice - if that makes any sense. 

That definitely makes sense! We used to always go play putt putt with my mom on Father’s Day because that’s what we used to do with my dad before he passed. That was 30 years ago and like others said time does heal wounds. Maybe some kind of family tradition to honor your dad every so often could help? 

[Fishlegs]

Sorry about your dad. I lost mine to lung cancer several years ago. All I can say is it takes time.

 

You never stop missing someone who meant so much, but the feelings change over time. I used to get upset every time I thought about my dad after he passed, but at some point the sadness that overwhelmed me changed to happiness when I thought of him. It took several years for that process to happen, but now I cherish the thoughts that pop up rather than dread them.

 

Many people have similar experiences, but your journey will be different. Be patient, and give yourself some grace during the process. Hang in there.

[LonnieP]

Sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, I lost my dad to brain cancer January of last year. It’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. 

[Darth-Baiter]

i lost two dads, so yea.  i get it.

 

you dad would want you to live life.  this i know is fact.  as a matter of fact, i bet he found peace knowing you were going to do exactly that.  we move on out of respect.