Living with regret......

[GreenPig]

My biggest regret is thinking my body could pick up Atlas Stones up to 425 lbs, lift cars, run around with 1300 lbs on my back, deadlift/squat stupid amounts of weight with no repercussions. Did all that and more while working 14 - 18 hours days on concrete. My back reminds me every time I move.

[DanielG]

9 hours ago, gimruis said:

I'll openly admit my regret.  Having kids.

 

Lost sleep, less money, less free time, less energy.  What's not to like about it?  I personally think a lot of people feel the same way that I do, they just aren't openly willing to admit it.

 

However, I am also willing to admit that I must and will live with my decision too.  Having kids requires my time, money, and responsibility so that's what I have to do for a long time now.  As Kramer said in Seinfeld: "Man-made prisons.  You're doing time!"

 

2 kids in their 30's now. Best thing I ever did. After having them you realize that it's what humans are here for. We're part of the animal world and it's what we do and we come to reaiize it over time.

 

[slonezp]

[Woody B]

I don't "do" regrets.  I've done things I'm not proud of but I've made peace with myself over any and all bad decisions I've ever made.   I'm happy with the person I am.  The combination of good and bad decisions I've made are what's made me the person I am.  

 

I've made bad investments, but I've made good investments too.  That's only money.  I've never truly been hungry so I guess I've done OK with that.   

 

 

You can't change the past.  Don't let it reliving, or regretting the past ruin your future.   

[slonezp]

3 hours ago, Mobasser said:

My biggest regret is that I wish I would have gone to college and earned a degree. Instead I became a carpenter. I made good money, but beat myself up working so hard. I love my kids, grandkids and family. No other regrets.

High school drop out and I literally crippled myself in the trades. Don't regret any of it. I'm happier now than I ever have been. My son is more successful than I will ever be. I have a beautiful grandson. While life isn't always gumdrops and lollipops, it's better than the alternative. Were it not for the results of the 3rd surgery on my shoulder in 2014, I'd a put a bullet in my head. While the results are nowhere near what I had expected, the 24/7 pain subsided. Me, not putting a bullet in my head, allowed me to see my son succeed, beyond my wildest dreams, and allowed me to experience the gift of my grandson.

 

Off topic but on topic, I hadn't heard from a customer of mine in over a year. Last time I saw him, he invited me walleye fishing on the lake he lives on. Fast forward to about 3 months ago. Guy calls and I recognize the voice although his speech is all f'd up. Guy is 46 years old and had 2 strokes 2 months apart. I'm a crippled pipefitter and I currently manage a commercial and industrial supply house. I've been communicating with him mostly via text and emails. I've been shipping parts to him. He comes into the store this week and tells me the entire story as best he could. First stroke was mild and the second one got him. 75% of the left brain is completely dead. His right arm is weak and his right leg is crooked. Had to re learn how to talk. The shop he worked at never got rid of him, and they certainly could have. A week after I was deemed legally disabled, I got shitcanned. He can't drive because of seizures. His dad who is retired, drives him in the service van to the calls. He can't listen to music or the radio anymore because it's all "noise" to him. He's relearning the trade. Guy told me he was ready to put a bullet in his head at one point in time when he couldn't get his right arm to do what he wanted it to do. I still can't get my left arm to do what I want it to do but I'm 1000x in better shape than he is. Guy can't even fish anymore. I can, although not at the capacity as I could prior to me getting injured. 

 

While this story has nothing to do about, it has everything to do with gratitude. 

[BrianMDTX]

4 hours ago, Mobasser said:

My biggest regret is that I wish I would have gone to college and earned a degree. Instead I became a carpenter. I made good money, but beat myself up working so hard. I love my kids, grandkids and family. No other regrets.

This is a perfect example of what I mean. You say you regret not going to college. Yet had you, your life may have turned out very different. Those kids and grandkids you love so much may have not existed had you went to college. No one knows the future when they make decisions like that. The only question is, are you happy with your life now? That’s all that counts. 

[Glenn]

Regrets?  Everyone has them. Yup, I have them too.  But that's part of being human, and a sign of growth.  It's learning from past mistakes.  That's a good thing.

 

I think making a conscious decision to hang out with retired people while I was in my 20s was the smartest thing I could've done.  I learned a tremendous amount from their successes and regrets.  They taught me the things no college could ever teach.  Read the book "Tuesdays With Morrie", and you'll know what I mean.  I think because of them, I have less regrets than I would've had.

 

I don't have kids, and DON'T regret it.  Not that I hate children or anything like that. I've just never felt the need to have kids, nor have the desire to be a parent.  I've always felt the best parents are those that truly want to be parents.  I'm not that guy.  But I tip my hat to those great parents.  Their kids are fortunate to have them.

[Captain Phil]

When I graduated from high school, my parents wanted me to go to college.   All my friends were in construction and making great money.  In the 60s, construction jobs were paying very well. I told my father I wanted to drop out of college and work in construction.  Wise man that he was, he got me a job working with a road crew installing cable across highways.  I forget what they paid me, but it was much more than any other job at the time. 

 

The first day, I didn't do much but stand around. The second day, the ditch digger broke down cutting through a coral rock in downtown Miami.  The foreman gave two of us a pick and shovel and told us to cut the rock out by hand.    We worked all afternoon and cut the ditch.  The guy who was working with me was probably about 30.  He looked like 50.  When I got home that night my hands were a bloody mess.  I quit that job and went to work repairing office equipment.  That job turned into owning my own company which lead me into the computer business where I retired at 50.  The lesson I learned was don't choose a career what depends on your body.  Choose one that depends on your brain.

[N Florida Mike]

19 hours ago, T-Billy said:

Everyone has regrets, but you can't dwell on them. Learn from them and move on.

 My friend from Nazereth sets the standard for me for what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. He never fails me, even though I fail him daily. Great guy.

 My wife and kids are the greatest joy in my life, and have given my life meaning. If you want to be truly happy, you have to live your life for something greater than yourself. That's my 2c.

This^^^^ .  

I would add that lately Past regrets have been on my mind more than usual. I won’t get too into specifics but many involve former girlfriends. Also had a rift  with an uncle , that I regret, along with several other things.

My take is that life is too short to live condemning yourself for your past failures and sins so I fight against it and try to just let it go. I have an enemy that continually brings up my past so I remind him of his future!

[throttleplate]

When sleeping i dream alot about my past childhood and military years including the good times and the bad.

Its so real that when i wake up i feel like i was just hanging out with my buddies.

Many times i have woken up and thank god that it was just a dream as some memories are pretty messed up.

[TOXIC]

The problem with using past decisions as a guide is that you will never know how things would have turned out if you did it differently.  So what you think may have been a bad decision may in fact have been the best decision.  I don’t burden myself with the past and my decisions, I remember the past for what it is, some good, some bad.  

[Captain Phil]

6 hours ago, throttleplate said:

When sleeping i dream alot about my past childhood and military years including the good times and the bad.

 

As someone who did not serve in the military, I often wonder what my life would have been like if I did?  After I graduated from high school in 1965 I went to college for a time.  I enrolled in ROTC.  The first class I took was "The Theory of War".  I thought I was on another planet.  I wasn't against defending my country, but it didn't make sense to give up my life for a piece of rice patty 9,600 miles from my home. The Vietnam war was heating up and many of my friends were shipping off to war.  I had registered for the draft and was waiting to be called. As it turned out, the draft lottery was implemented and I drew a high number.

 

What if I was drafted and saw my buddies blown up and killed?  What if I killed someone?  What if I killed a bunch of people who's kids are now our friends?   I am thankful that those thoughts don't haunt me in my dreams.   We will never know the sacrifice those young men and women made.

[Mike L]

@Captain Phil made me think about something that I try to forget but someone would say something, I’d see something on tv etc. and it would all come back. 
 

When I graduated from HS in ‘68 the Viet Nam war was at its height. You couldn’t turn on the tv without seeing it played out every day. 
They would broadcast a scorecard of how many men were killed and wounded every night, local newspapers would list the names of those killed every day!

They had reporters in with our troops broadcasting from the front lines. 
They would interview these kids from a fox hole, a doctor inside an aid station or  with them walking through the jungle on a “seek and destroy” patrol. 
 

I was classified 4F which meant I wasn’t able to be drafted as I broke a vertebra in my neck in ‘67 and the surgeon wouldn’t clear me. 
When I was cleared the draft lottery was instituted and my number was never called either so I couldn’t go. 
4 childhood friends of mine were killed.
3 in ‘68, 1 in ‘69 and 1 is still listed as MIA. 
 

Anyway, all that to say this..

Every Memorial Day I go to a local Viet Nam Memorial Wall replica and find each one, say a prayer and remember. 
 

But I could never shake that feeling of deep regret that they went and I couldn’t. 
I lived a full life that they couldn’t. 
Now They’re just a name on black granite. 
 

Yes, as crazy as it sounds it is a regret 

 

 

 

 

Mike
 

 

 

 

 

[whitwolf]

Regret: more than I care to admit. After carrying that thousand pound weight around for a few years I decided to look forward and not back. That's not to say they went away it simply means at that point I chose to net let them define me. 

 

I all but gave up drinking, gave my energy to my kiddos,  work, and making better choices; in word and deed.

 

I had a stroke in September 2022. That certainly put things in perspective. I am very fortunate in that I never lost speech, I have regained use of my left arm and while it's not what it was, it works. My left leg is almost useless but leaps and bounds better than on September 5th. 

 

I posted in the fishing reports a while back about my last trip. I worded it poorly and some thought it I was back fishing. I wish. 

 

I said the above about my stroke for only one reason. I could have gone down a path about regretting my pore choice in diet, letting stress undo me, or generally not taking care of myself. NOPE! I refuse to let this define me therefore I don't allow regret to creep in. It's counterproductive.  

 

DO NOT let regret define you!

[AlabamaSpothunter]

1 hour ago, Mike L said:

@Captain Phil made me think about something that I try to forget but someone would say something, I’d see something on tv etc. and it would all come back. 
 

When I graduated from HS in ‘68 the Viet Nam war was at its height. You couldn’t turn on the tv without seeing it played out every day. 
They would broadcast a scorecard of how many men were killed and wounded every night, local newspapers would list the names of those killed every day!

They had reporters in with our troops broadcasting from the front lines. 
They would interview these kids from a fox hole, a doctor inside an aid station or  with them walking through the jungle on a “seek and destroy” patrol. 
 

I was classified 4F which meant I wasn’t able to be drafted as I broke a vertebra in my neck in ‘67 and the surgeon wouldn’t clear me. 
When I was cleared the draft lottery was instituted and my number was never called either so I couldn’t go. 
4 childhood friends of mine were killed.
3 in ‘68, 1 in ‘69 and 1 is still listed as MIA. 
 

Anyway, all that to say this..

Every Memorial Day I go to a local Viet Nam Memorial Wall replica and find each one, say a prayer and remember. 
 

But I could never shake that feeling of deep regret that they went and I couldn’t. 
I lived a full life that they couldn’t. 
Now They’re just a name on black granite. 
 

Yes, as crazy as it sounds it is a regret 

 

 

 

 

Mike
 

 

 

 

 

Wow, you certainly aren't alone because that's my dad's exact same regret that he's told me ever since I was a little boy, and still holds to it to this day.

 

He graduated in 68 IIrc., and during his physical he failed it for asthma which down the line might have still got him drafted.    

 

He came from a wealthier family, and he always has believed his mother might have played a role in it.    Not sure if that was even possible or not, but he thinks it was.   

 

Vietnam vets, and those lost fighting over there are truly heroes.    

[AlabamaSpothunter]

3 hours ago, Captain Phil said:

 

As someone who did not serve in the military, I often wonder what my life would have been like if I did?  After I graduated from high school in 1965 I went to college for a time.  I enrolled in ROTC.  The first class I took was "The Theory of War".  I thought I was on another planet.  I wasn't against defending my country, but it didn't make sense to give up my life for a piece of rice patty 9,600 miles from my home. The Vietnam war was heating up and many of my friends were shipping off to war.  I had registered for the draft and was waiting to be called. As it turned out, the draft lottery was implemented and I drew a high number.

 

What if I was drafted and saw my buddies blown up and killed?  What if I killed someone?  What if I killed a bunch of people who's kids are now our friends?   I am thankful that those thoughts don't haunt me in my dreams.   We will never know the sacrifice those young men and women made.

Until this thread I had no idea this was seemingly a relatively common regret among men of your generation.    That's three men all around the same age that have the same regret.

 

You guys are patriots, that's why you feel that way.  

[Darth-Baiter]

I have regrets.  I used to let them bother me.  Now, not so much.  They are more “life lessons”.  
 

My regrets now?  More financial.  Like why did I not buy Apple Stock instead of the vintage FJ40.  Or why didn’t I start saving for retirement earlier.  Stuff I still “feel” on a day to day basis.  Stuff I can’t say “I’m playing the hand I was dealt”.  Haha.  I hit on 17 way too many times.  And I’m paying to catch up.  But. Whatever.  I’ll retire at 63 instead of 55.  Wah. 

[volzfan59]

Regret, I don't live in that world. I've done things that I won't do again. I've done things that had to be done, but I'm not really proud of them. Like @whitwolf, I choose to look forward, not behind.

Things that happened, happened for a reason.

[Mike L]

56 minutes ago, AlabamaSpothunter said:

 

He came from a wealthier family, and he always has believed his mother might have played a role in it.    Not sure if that was even possible or not, but he thinks it was.   

 

Vietnam vets, and those lost fighting over there are truly heroes.    

Yes, it certainly was

 

 

Yes, they certainly were

 

 

 

 

Mike

[Deleted account]

4 hours ago, TOXIC said:

The problem with using past decisions as a guide is that you will never know how things would have turned out if you did it differently.  So what you think may have been a bad decision may in fact have been the best decision.  I don’t burden myself with the past and my decisions, I remember the past for what it is, some good, some bad.  

This ^. It's not Darn it, I got hit by a bus on the way to buying the winning lottery ticket, It may very well be I got hit by a bus, wasn't killed, and met the love of my life at the hospital, we will never know.

[cheezyridr]

On 1/13/2023 at 11:36 AM, DitchPanda said:

 they all say its the best thing they ever did...I have met their children and there's no way that's true!

 

 

 

sometimes i think my son is the only good thing i gave this world.  he's got his flaws for sure, but he's better than me, so i call it an over all success. that said, my biggest regret is not being a better dad than i was. considering what i had to work with, i did better than some might have expected, but i give the credit for that to Jesus, cause anything i did right was by accident. 

 

On 1/13/2023 at 3:53 PM, Mobasser said:

My biggest regret is that I wish I would have gone to college and earned a degree. Instead I became a carpenter. I made good money, but beat myself up working so hard. I love my kids, grandkids and family. No other regrets.

 

my folks wanted me to go to college and get a "respectable" job.  i saw how things turned out for my dad, and there was no way i was going that route. i got into the trades instead.  in my 30's i had the opportunity to get out, and work in the drafting dept.  i tried it for a year.  it drove me up the wall, so i went back to bangin tin. if i stayed with drafting, i'd be better off financially,  but i would have been miserable. there are days when i'm on site and it's freezing cold, or some other crappy condition, and i play "what if" for a few minutes, but i know the truth.  had i stayed, i would have gone insane from working in a cube farm.

[ScottW]

My absolute best friend had three tours in Viet Nam, two as a sniper. He loved everything Army and took any class/courses he could. While we often disagreed about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane (he would and I wouldn’t) he could tell me stories about his time in ‘nam that would make me feel as if I were there right beside him. We would often cry during the telling of these stories.

 

Sadly, he passed away years ago in a car accident. One of my regrets is that I couldn’t help him tame his nightmares of the war. PTSD is a soul crushing thing.

[slonezp]

11 minutes ago, ScottW said:

My absolute best friend had three tours in Viet Nam, two as a sniper. He loved everything Army and took any class/courses he could. While we often disagreed about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane (he would and I wouldn’t) he could tell me stories about his time in ‘nam that would make me feel as if I were there right beside him. We would often cry during the telling of these stories.

 

Sadly, he passed away years ago in a car accident. One of my regrets is that I couldn’t help him tame his nightmares of the war. PTSD is a soul crushing thing.

I have a Marine buddy who won't talk about his 3 tours in Iraq. He was an apprentice of mine in 2008, he returned from his last deployment on 2006. I'm very well aware of how PTSD affects folks. He spoke more of of his tours back then and says nothing about them now. Told me about the nightmares he had. Almost killed his wife in the middle of the night a few times. We were doing some work on rooftops and he had a serious "episode" on the practice day for the Chicago Air Show. I had him go sit in his service van for the remainder of the day. 

 

Have a family friend who was a Ranger in the Battle of Mogadishu. Doesn't speak a word of it but, to this day he is full of anger towards certain folks.

[Captain Phil]

17 hours ago, ScottW said:

My absolute best friend had three tours in Viet Nam, two as a sniper. He loved everything Army and took any class/courses he could. While we often disagreed about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane (he would and I wouldn’t) he could tell me stories about his time in ‘nam that would make me feel as if I were there right beside him. We would often cry during the telling of these stories.

 

Sadly, he passed away years ago in a car accident. One of my regrets is that I couldn’t help him tame his nightmares of the war. PTSD is a soul crushing thing.

 

I once had a friend who had a lot of personal issues.  He seemed like a quiet person until he was ready to talk.    When he did, I would listen to him for hours while he told me stories of Vietnam. He was an army surgeon and he cried when he told me stories of the boys he had patched up.  Many of them were practically dead when they brought them in.  War is a horrible thing with pain lasting long after the fighting is over.  Defending your country is a lot different than fighting someone else's war.  That was the lesson of Vietnam.  My fear is we didn't learn that lesson.

[AlabamaSpothunter]

3 hours ago, ScottW said:

My absolute best friend had three tours in Viet Nam, two as a sniper. He loved everything Army and took any class/courses he could. While we often disagreed about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane (he would and I wouldn’t) he could tell me stories about his time in ‘nam that would make me feel as if I were there right beside him. We would often cry during the telling of these stories.

 

Sadly, he passed away years ago in a car accident. One of my regrets is that I couldn’t help him tame his nightmares of the war. PTSD is a soul crushing thing.

Really sorry to hear about your BF Scott, a whole generation of warfighters that suffered in silence. 

 

The good thing is that they are finally addressing this massive issue, along with Veteran suicides with the most recent generation of American warfighters.  The current ones have seen sustained combat for over two decades.