Living with regret......

[DitchPanda]

 So I know everybody always says don't live with regrets...but that's much easier to say than do. I'd wager that every person on this site has done and said things they wish they hadn't...and maybe those feelings have lingered for years. There are those choices you make or maybe the chances you didn't take that make you wonder if your life would be different or perhaps even better if you had.

 Personally I think regret is a way to hold yourself accountable for your poor choices and hopefully use that to become a better person. I'm not suggesting holding onto it forever and beating yourself to death over it, but rather using it as a tool to set a standard for yourself of what you think is acceptable behavior. What's your take?

 

[Jar11591]

I pretty much agree with all of this. Well said. 

[A-Jay]

I certainly have regret.

Wished I had a re-do on most every decision I've ever made when I was angry.

At this point, it's about respect & perspective for me.

 I always want and truly need more of both.

Life is fragile & short.

A-Jay

 

 

[Mike L]

I think we all do at some point in our lives if we want to admit or not. 
But it’s also a matter of degree. 
 

If everyone’s decisions are right all the time in every aspect of our lives, the word wouldn’t exist. 
 

 

 

 

 

Mike

[gim]

I'll openly admit my regret.  Having kids.

 

Lost sleep, less money, less free time, less energy.  What's not to like about it?  I personally think a lot of people feel the same way that I do, they just aren't openly willing to admit it.

 

However, I am also willing to admit that I must and will live with my decision too.  Having kids requires my time, money, and responsibility so that's what I have to do for a long time now.  As Kramer said in Seinfeld: "Man-made prisons.  You're doing time!"

 

[BrianMDTX]

I have a rule. I regret nothing in my past, with the exception of anything I’ve ever said or done with the intent to be hurtful (which is not something I normally do lol). 
 

I say that as many people will say things such as “I really regret leaving Job A for Job B” or “I regret selling our old home and moving here”, etc. That’s a waste of time and energy. The vast majority of times those decisions were made with the best intentions. Things may have  not worked out according to plan, but as no one knows the future, it’s foolish to constantly berate one’s self over decisions like these. Regret the times you have hurt someone for no good reason. Let the other stuff go. Life is short. 

[Skunkmaster-k]

I try to use my past mistakes to guide me through my future mistakes. 

[DitchPanda]

1 hour ago, gimruis said:

I'll openly admit my regret.  Having kids.

 

Lost sleep, less money, less free time, less energy.  What's not to like about it?  I personally think a lot of people feel the same way that I do, they just aren't openly willing to admit it.

 

However, I am also willing to admit that I must and will live with my decision too.  Having kids requires my time, money, and responsibility so that's what I have to do for a long time now.  As Kramer said in Seinfeld: "Man-made prisons.  You're doing time!"

 

39 and I have no kids. Not saying they are a waste of time just was never a priority for me. All my closest friends have kids and they all say its the best thing they ever did...I have met their children and there's no way that's true!

 

1 hour ago, BrianMDTX said:

I have a rule. I regret nothing in my past, with the exception of anything I’ve ever said or done with the intent to be hurtful (which is not something I normally do lol). 
 

I say that as many people will say things such as “I really regret leaving Job A for Job B” or “I regret selling our old home and moving here”, etc. That’s a waste of time and energy. The vast majority of times those decisions were made with the best intentions. Things may have  not worked out according to plan, but as no one knows the future, it’s foolish to constantly berate one’s self over decisions like these. Regret the times you have hurt someone for no good reason. Let the other stuff go. Life is short. 

This is a good way to live...and what I strive for. As it pertains to jobs and purchases buyers remorse is foolish because you thought it was what you wanted/needed at the time. When you look back on the times you've hurt loved ones there's no way you can think that's what you really wanted because I can almost guarantee you weren't thinking when you did it. Reflecting on these events has not made me perfect by any means, but I am a better man today than I was yesterday.

[gim]

5 minutes ago, DitchPanda said:

they all say its the best thing they ever did...I have met their children and there's no way that's true!

LOL that's because they're lying to you

[DitchPanda]

9 minutes ago, gimruis said:

LOL that's because they're lying to you

Yeah..I gathered that after about 47 seconds with their children

[roadwarrior]

Hmm...

 

My children are my greatest joy or maybe their children, my grandkids.

 

[DitchPanda]

15 minutes ago, roadwarrior said:

Hmm...

 

My children are my greatest joy or maybe their children, my grandkids.

 

That's cool. I'm sure if I had kids I may feel that way as well. But I don't so I don't understand.

[Deleted account]

4 hours ago, DitchPanda said:

What's your take?

 

My take is that regret and "what if?" are two different things. Regret is a strong feeling that you should have done something, or conversely hadn't done it based on an objective introspect. "What if" is a nostalgic retrospective fueled by curiosity, and an almost obligatory thing based on the nature of our makeup and existence. We have a tendency to be harsh critics of what is, and romanticize ideal scenarios of what might have been. 

[T-Billy]

Everyone has regrets, but you can't dwell on them. Learn from them and move on.

 My friend from Nazereth sets the standard for me for what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. He never fails me, even though I fail him daily. Great guy.

 My wife and kids are the greatest joy in my life, and have given my life meaning. If you want to be truly happy, you have to live your life for something greater than yourself. That's my 2c.

[Bird]

Yes, we all have regrets but the way we deal with them is what matters most.

 

Dwelling in past regret is a whole different ball game and may be considered depression which is a serious condition, effects health and manufacturers stress.

 

Having a positive mindset is Paramount in having a great day and welcoming tomorrow.

Life is to short to worry about yesterday, smile and move on......oh and make someone else smile ?.

[Mobasser]

My biggest regret is that I wish I would have gone to college and earned a degree. Instead I became a carpenter. I made good money, but beat myself up working so hard. I love my kids, grandkids and family. No other regrets.

[TnRiver46]

15 minutes ago, Mobasser said:

My biggest regret is that I wish I would have gone to college and earned a degree. Instead I became a carpenter. I made good money, but beat myself up working so hard. I love my kids, grandkids and family. No other regrets.

I wish I would have skipped college and the degree and became a carpenter hahaha

[gim]

My Grandfather who died of cancer in 2012 told me before he died “Life is measured by the amount of time you have to do what you enjoy doing.”

[Captain Phil]

I have a few regrets.  Most of the mistakes I made were because I was selfish and ignored the hurt my actions might cause to others.  In time, I learned from my mistakes and am a better person today despite them.  Fortunately, the person who I harmed forgave me and stuck with me.  It could have turned out badly and I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.  For that I am grateful.

 

Having kids is a crap shoot.  We have one son.  He was never a problem and turned out to be a great person.  Unfortunately, many of my friends can't say the same thing.   I hear some truly heartbreaking stories.  I have friends who are dead broke in retirement from paying lawyers to keep their kids out of jail.  Kids who dumped their children on their grandparents.  Thirty and forty something kids who are still living with their parents. They have no skills and no prospects for employment.  The world today seems full of losers.   If I was a young person today, I would think twice about having children.  If your kids are responsible, consider yourself lucky.

 

I would rather be the best carpenter in the world than the person with the most most college degrees.  When you get to be an old man like me, being happy with your life and the choices you made is a great feeling.

[Jar11591]

1 hour ago, Mobasser said:

My biggest regret is that I wish I would have gone to college and earned a degree. Instead I became a carpenter. I made good money, but beat myself up working so hard. I love my kids, grandkids and family. No other regrets.

I feel the same way. I’ve been a laborer since I started working. I started a landscape business a few years ago and it’s taken a toll on me physically. So I’m looking to go back to school in an electrical program. Hopefully get into something less physically demanding. I’m only 31 so I still have years of labor left in me, but what I’m doing now isn’t sustainable for the rest of my life. 

[TnRiver46]

9 minutes ago, Jar11591 said:

I feel the same way. I’ve been a laborer since I started working. I started a landscape business a few years ago and it’s taken a toll on me physically. So I’m looking to go back to school in an electrical program. Hopefully get into something less physically demanding. I’m only 31 so I still have years of labor left in me, but what I’m doing now isn’t sustainable for the rest of my life. 

I worked on a lawn crew during college, that work will cure insomnia instantly. I loved it but I was sure tired and wore thru a lot of shoes 

[AlabamaSpothunter]

3 minutes ago, Jar11591 said:

I feel the same way. I’ve been a laborer since I started working. I started a landscape business a few years ago and it’s taken a toll on me physically. So I’m looking to go back to school in an electrical program. Hopefully get into something less physically demanding. I’m only 31 so I still have years of labor left in me, but what I’m doing now isn’t sustainable for the rest of my life. 

HVAC, and welding are another couple of very profitable trades.   

 

I went to college, had a BF that went straight into the family business of building high end staircases, he was making 80k by the time I was a sophomore eating Ramin Noodles lol.   

 

Something very noble and honest about making your living in the trades if you are good at what you do.   In a world where so many people get rubber stamp jobs and receive excellent salaries for doing so with their bachelors in English Lit, it's a shame we as a society pay and view trades people less than many white collar jobs that provide far less value for our society.   

[newriverfisherman1953]

5 hours ago, roadwarrior said:

Hmm...

 

My children are my greatest joy or maybe their children, my grandkids.

 

?Yes! A big amen to that. My kids and grandkids are a joy!  They make me happy. 

[VolFan]

You can wish in one hand and s#!t in the other and see which one fills up faster.

 

nobody is perfect every time. Learn. Move forward.

[ScottW]

Spent over 40 years in the printing industry and worked more crazy hours and weekends than I thought possible. If I had to go with just one regret it would be not being able to spend more time with my family. I did this so my wife could be a stay-at-home mom so in the long run it was worth it.

 

It beat my mind and body to a pulp. I often thought that if I had gone to college and got a degree I might have gotten to spend more time with my family but it was a trade job that paid well. Hindsight is always 20/20 but foresight is still dim.

 

I stopped the ‘what ifs’ and just look at the past as hard lessons learned.