Marital problems...

[DitchPanda]

50 minutes ago, slonezp said:

My response is based on the title of the thread and nothing else. I did not read the thread nor do I feel the need to.

 

It's the woman's fault...

 

Seriously though. I think it's a rarity nowadays for people to be married until death do them part. I've been with my "ol' lady" for 25 years. I met her the day I got divorced at my "divorce party" at the neighborhood bar. Set a goal to get 10 phone numbers at the bar. I got 6. Hers was the only one that panned out. 

Is that true? If so then you sir are both a legend and a glutton for punishment

[slonezp]

2 minutes ago, DitchPanda said:

Is that true? If so then you sir are both a legend and a glutton for punishment

All true

Ex wife fell into a post partum depression that she never got out of.

Ol'lady is... I'll leave it at that. I am a glutton for punishment.  

[Catt]

Can't expect to fix your marriage until you fix yourself!

[JustBassinThru]

Wow, this one hits home. This is exactly where I was at 3 years ago. Due to a back injury I developed a very bad addiction to pain meds. I can't even begin to admit how it changed my life negatively. At the time after 20+ years married my wife had had enough and rightfully kicked me out. Darkest days of my life...by far. I'll tell u what it took though. It took extreme dedication by me to learn everything about this disease and everything in my power to overcome it in hopes of a sliver of a chance things could be salvaged... which at the time didn't look good. After about a year of proving myself, it took HER willingness to see if she even wanted to try. Alot of counseling together was only a small piece of the puzzle. I can wholeheartedly say my marriage is at the best it ever has been and we LEARNED HOW TO COMMUNICATE with each other.   But to your original thoughts, things probably can't be fixed while one or both are on any kind of substance. It is going to take BOTH spouses to fully commit and be willing to change for the better for one another. Then, maybe just maybe there will be a chance. Both are going to have to be unbelievably mature and willing to forgive...truly forgive. Best Wishes.

[Susky River Rat]

I dated my wife for ten years and almost threw it away. It was my fault she didn’t have to keep me around. I had my reasons of why I did certain things I did. That still didn’t make it right. It was after that I realized I could never be without her. After some planning and money saving we got married.  Sometimes you need that wake up call to see what you want and what really matters.  

[Kirtley Howe]

My first wife....We dated for 2 years, lived together for 1 1/2 years of that. We talked about everything. She had been married before and had a daughter. They divorced after 6 years.  She said he was abusive and a cheat. 

We discussed having children together, and she said she really wanted to have children with me. She said she was proud of me and what I had accomplished in life. I was very much in love with her, and adored her daughter and wanted to adopt her. We got engaged and I bought her a flawless 1/2 carat engagement ring. A week later she took it back to the jewelry store and swapped it for a very gaudy, and very flawed 1 carat diamond ring. That should have been my first clue about her character....We go married, and she shortly informed me she was going to have her tubes tied so she could not have any more children. This was NOT a medical necessity...she just decided she didn't want more kids. This should have been my second clue, but I was in love with her or so I thought. She then said I didn't make enough money and I needed to get a second job to provide for our family. OK...second job it is. Then that was not enough, so I got a third job. Still not enough money. (This took place over a period of several years...it did not happen all at once.) STILL not enough money. So I changed careers and took a job that paid about 35% more than I could make with the 3 jobs I had been working...but I had to travel a lot for work and was often gone from Monday to Friday. I started to not know who I was, and I was not happy. She thought that was great.....Then I found out that 1) Since she had power of attorney for me so she could handle the bills while I was on the road, she had opened up 6 credit cards in my name (I had a 795 credit rating at that time) and had maxed them all out. I didn't know for a long time, as she got and "handled" all the bills. I found out when our landlady asked when I was going to catch up on the rent that was 3 months behind, and I started checking into things. I found out I was $60,000 in debt. 2) I also found out she had been a serial cheater with at least 3 men if not more. I told her she could be someone else's mistress or my wife, but not both. I also said she would have to get a job to help pay off the debt she had created. She refused. I told her she had the next week to move out and when I got home the next Saturday she had indeed moved out...and taken everything...including the curtains, light bulbs, towels....I had a bed, a kitchen table and chair (singular...she took 3 of them). She took all the dishes, pots and pans and silverware. And the car. The divorce was NOT amicable, cost me a lot, and she got off owing nothing and I was stuck with every bill. It took me 4 years of working 80-100 hour weeks to get out of debt. Still very glad that is over. Current wife is a lady I dated when she was 18 and I was 24. I thought she was fantastic then, but felt the age difference was too great (at that time), and I broke up with her. 5 years after my divorce we got back together. 7 months later we were married. Best thing that ever happened to me. 11 years now and still going strong. She respects and loves and supports me, and I love, respect and support her. Do we sometimes have problems? Sure. But we are honest with each other and that makes all the difference in the world.

[TnRiver46]

7 hours ago, Kirt Howe said:

My first wife....We dated for 2 years, lived together for 1 1/2 years of that. We talked about everything. She had been married before and had a daughter. They divorced after 6 years.  She said he was abusive and a cheat. 

We discussed having children together, and she said she really wanted to have children with me. She said she was proud of me and what I had accomplished in life. I was very much in love with her, and adored her daughter and wanted to adopt her. We got engaged and I bought her a flawless 1/2 carat engagement ring. A week later she took it back to the jewelry store and swapped it for a very gaudy, and very flawed 1 carat diamond ring. That should have been my first clue about her character....We go married, and she shortly informed me she was going to have her tubes tied so she could not have any more children. This was NOT a medical necessity...she just decided she didn't want more kids. This should have been my second clue, but I was in love with her or so I thought. She then said I didn't make enough money and I needed to get a second job to provide for our family. OK...second job it is. Then that was not enough, so I got a third job. Still not enough money. (This took place over a period of several years...it did not happen all at once.) STILL not enough money. So I changed careers and took a job that paid about 35% more than I could make with the 3 jobs I had been working...but I had to travel a lot for work and was often gone from Monday to Friday. I started to not know who I was, and I was not happy. She thought that was great.....Then I found out that 1) Since she had power of attorney for me so she could handle the bills while I was on the road, she had opened up 6 credit cards in my name (I had a 795 credit rating at that time) and had maxed them all out. I didn't know for a long time, as she got and "handled" all the bills. I found out when our landlady asked when I was going to catch up on the rent that was 3 months behind, and I started checking into things. I found out I was $60,000 in debt. 2) I also found out she had been a serial cheater with at least 3 men if not more. I told her she could be someone else's mistress or my wife, but not both. I also said she would have to get a job to help pay off the debt she had created. She refused. I told her she had the next week to move out and when I got home the next Saturday she had indeed moved out...and taken everything...including the curtains, light bulbs, towels....I had a bed, a kitchen table and chair (singular...she took 3 of them). She took all the dishes, pots and pans and silverware. And the car. The divorce was NOT amicable, cost me a lot, and she got off owing nothing and I was stuck with every bill. It took me 4 years of working 80-100 hour weeks to get out of debt. Still very glad that is over. Current wife is a lady I dated when she was 18 and I was 24. I thought she was fantastic then, but felt the age difference was too great (at that time), and I broke up with her. 5 years after my divorce we got back together. 7 months later we were married. Best thing that ever happened to me. 11 years now and still going strong. She respects and loves and supports me, and I love, respect and support her. Do we sometimes have problems? Sure. But we are honest with each other and that makes all the difference in the world.

Wow. What a ride 

[Darth-Baiter]

On 12/17/2022 at 9:52 PM, Kirt Howe said:

My first wife....We dated for 2 years, lived together for 1 1/2 years of that. We talked about everything. She had been married before and had a daughter. They divorced after 6 years.  She said he was abusive and a cheat. 

We discussed having children together, and she said she really wanted to have children with me. She said she was proud of me and what I had accomplished in life. I was very much in love with her, and adored her daughter and wanted to adopt her. We got engaged and I bought her a flawless 1/2 carat engagement ring. A week later she took it back to the jewelry store and swapped it for a very gaudy, and very flawed 1 carat diamond ring. That should have been my first clue about her character....We go married, and she shortly informed me she was going to have her tubes tied so she could not have any more children. This was NOT a medical necessity...she just decided she didn't want more kids. This should have been my second clue, but I was in love with her or so I thought. She then said I didn't make enough money and I needed to get a second job to provide for our family. OK...second job it is. Then that was not enough, so I got a third job. Still not enough money. (This took place over a period of several years...it did not happen all at once.) STILL not enough money. So I changed careers and took a job that paid about 35% more than I could make with the 3 jobs I had been working...but I had to travel a lot for work and was often gone from Monday to Friday. I started to not know who I was, and I was not happy. She thought that was great.....Then I found out that 1) Since she had power of attorney for me so she could handle the bills while I was on the road, she had opened up 6 credit cards in my name (I had a 795 credit rating at that time) and had maxed them all out. I didn't know for a long time, as she got and "handled" all the bills. I found out when our landlady asked when I was going to catch up on the rent that was 3 months behind, and I started checking into things. I found out I was $60,000 in debt. 2) I also found out she had been a serial cheater with at least 3 men if not more. I told her she could be someone else's mistress or my wife, but not both. I also said she would have to get a job to help pay off the debt she had created. She refused. I told her she had the next week to move out and when I got home the next Saturday she had indeed moved out...and taken everything...including the curtains, light bulbs, towels....I had a bed, a kitchen table and chair (singular...she took 3 of them). She took all the dishes, pots and pans and silverware. And the car. The divorce was NOT amicable, cost me a lot, and she got off owing nothing and I was stuck with every bill. It took me 4 years of working 80-100 hour weeks to get out of debt. Still very glad that is over. Current wife is a lady I dated when she was 18 and I was 24. I thought she was fantastic then, but felt the age difference was too great (at that time), and I broke up with her. 5 years after my divorce we got back together. 7 months later we were married. Best thing that ever happened to me. 11 years now and still going strong. She respects and loves and supports me, and I love, respect and support her. Do we sometimes have problems? Sure. But we are honest with each other and that makes all the difference in the world.

WOW!  i am happy it all worked out.  kudos for not being completely soured on the process.  

 

 

[KSanford33]

My wife and I have been together for 17 years. I compare most of life (which I find very confusing) to different sports (which I understand). 

 

 Marriage is like boxing. The most important thing in boxing is managing what's called the gap. The gap is the distance between you and your opponent. If you're too far away, you can't make good contact with your opponent. If you're too close, you'll smother your punches and be ineffective. Marriage is the same way. If you're too far apart from each other, both emotionally and physically, you can't make a good connection. If you're too close to each other, you'll smother each other's individuality and begin to resent each other because of it.