Marital problems...

[DitchPanda]

 So Ive always heard that the divorce rate in the US is around 50%..I recently read its actually between 32-41% but that is still a significant number. So as I sit here typing this I have 2 close friends that are working thru some serious stuff as we speak...well actually 1 is starting the divorce process and the other text me Friday night and said I need help I've d**n near lost my wife.

 The situations while different are eerily similar in so many ways. Matt and his wife have struggled for years,she jumps jobs and spends his money on drugs and alcohol. Brian sits in his basement with his buddies and drinks beer, while his wife goes to bed at 7pm , I suspect mostly because of depression. They only talk thru text and when there's an issue she runs to her mommy like a child instead of confronting him.

 While all 4 people are at fault in some way the common thread is substance abuse and lack of communication. What ever happened to people talking to their significant other , having the tough conversation and working things out? Thought part of being an adult was wanting to work on issues to become a better person?

 Anyway, Matt put up with her crap way to long and it was up to her to fix and but she didnt. Brian and his wife have struggled for several years and I suspect this will end the way his first marriage did. Guess what I dont get in all of this is why make a promise to yourself and the other person only to just quit when it gets hard? I'm not saying there isn't ever a case for divorce, but in this circumstance it feels like Matt is the only one that tried, all other people just seemingly gave up when it got tough. Is that a way to live life?

[padlin]

Booze tried to do my marriage in, got pretty close to succeeding. It was a lot of hard work to stay together, living paycheck to paycheck helped as we couldn’t afford the house and an apartment, as did having kids. Takes a lot to try and forget the hurt done to each other, certainly would have been easier to split up.

 

It’s been almost 30 years, still have to work at it occasionally, forgetting is hard to do.

 

[GreenPig]

No sir, that's no way to live life. I've been with my wife for 31 years married 21 and I'd walk through fire for her. Communication and putting each other 1st has worked beautifully for us.  

 

[Dwight Hottle]

Marriage is only as good as two peoples abilities to work through the pains of life. It requires honesty with each other & ones self, good communication skills & respecting each others point of view. It also helps when the wife admits to herself that her husband can do no wrong.? A sense of humor also helps. Disclosure; married 52 years to the same woman.   

[N Florida Mike]

3 hours ago, DitchPanda said:

why make a promise to yourself and the other person only to just quit when it gets hard?

Exactly! 
 

We’ve been married 31 years now. 

I nearly lost her several times because I was more into my pursuits than her.

By the grace of God , I began to change for the better, and noticed she was happier , and stopped nagging as much to get her way.

Now , we almost never argue, and appreciate and respect each other more than ever. I can fish without it upsetting her because Ive made her a priority.

I think many people lose the “feeling “ of love , and think that they aren’t in love anymore. If you want to get the feeling back, do something for your spouse. Do it even though you don’t feel like it at the time…

People say “ I want my ____ to do this , or be that, and they wont.

My advice is be the person you want your spouse to be…

[MN Fisher]

5 minutes ago, N Florida Mike said:

Exactly! 
 

We’ve been married 31 years now. 

I nearly lost her several times because I was more into my pursuits than her.

32&1/2 years here....we've had our stumbling blocks, but in the end talking things out has always helped.

 

We still occasionally get someone we've recently met asking us 'So, when's the honeymoon over?"

[DitchPanda]

Don't get me wrong im no way saying that people who get divorced are always in the wrong or somehow bad people...sometimes things just don't work out. I've been with my girl for 11.5 years and god knows I've done everything possible to screw it up. But we've been honest with eachother, and always communicate and it's been work but its also been very good.

[Deleted account]

Married 26 years in April, together for 10 years before that. Every so often the Admiral will say "If you are not happy you should marry someone else" To which I reply "why would I do that again?!"...

You know, keeps the marriage fresh...

[Woody B]

There's a reason divorces cost so much.

 

 

They're worth it.   

 

Married to my 2nd wife for 22 years. 

 

Marrying my first wife was the biggest mistake I've ever made.   

 

No one should live is misery.  If a marriage is over, walk away.   

[GaryH]

 Married to my best friend for 47 years. When we tell people 47 years they usually say Wow. I reply “Yea I know I could have killed her and be out already” ?

 

 

 

 

[NavyToad]

31 years and I don’t know squat about relationships. Do unto others…..works for me.

[Woody B]

The biggest mistake I hear people saying about marriages is a marriage is 50/50.   50/50 doesn't work.   A good marriage is 100/100.   

 

On a different note.  My wife was fussing saying that I don't tell her I love her enough.  I reminded her than I told her I loved her on our wedding day.  If anything changes I'll let her know.  

 

I said earlier that marrying my first wife was the worst decision I've ever made.  Marrying the current Mrs B is the best thing that's ever happened to me.  

[Bankbeater]

We just had our 34th anniversary on Saturday.  It has not always been a bed of roses, but mutual respect, communication, and putting the other person first is what has kept us together.

[Deleted account]

2 hours ago, Woody B said:

On a different note.  My wife was fussing saying that I don't tell her I love her enough.  I reminded her than I told her I loved her on our wedding day.  If anything changes I'll let her know.  

Wife: "You never say soft and warm things to me anymore"

Husband: "Bull ****!"

[TnRiver46]

I’m just 1 year in, will report back in 3 decades 

[GaryH]

29 minutes ago, TnRiver46 said:

I’m just 1 year in, will report back in 3 decades 

That’s the attitude to have.?

 

[gim]

I've been married since 2015.  So my sample size isn't very big yet.  But I'm still here and so is my wife.  I'd do just about anything for her and I think (and hope) she feels the same way.

 

I can honestly say that things really changed when we had a child.  And not for the better either.  I just do the best I can every day but my marriage was definitely a lot stronger without children in the picture.  For those of you out there that are married and do not have children, I would highly advise you to keep it that way.  @TnRiver46 take note.  Stick with the dogs.  They're a lot cheaper and they listen better anyways.

[TnRiver46]

6 minutes ago, gimruis said:

I've been married since 2015.  So my sample size isn't very big yet.  But I'm still here and so is my wife.  I'd do just about anything for her and I think (and hope) she feels the same way.

 

I can honestly say that things really changed when we had a child.  And not for the better either.  I just do the best I can every day but my marriage was definitely a lot stronger without children in the picture.  For those of you out there that are married and do not have children, I would highly advise you to keep it that way.  @TnRiver46 take note.  Stick with the dogs.  They're a lot cheaper and they listen better anyways.

My silly dogs all started fighting the other day and weren’t listening to the “stop” command hhaha

[TOXIC]

If drugs and alcohol are involved, you’re not talking to a rational person in either case.  Get clean and then see if you have a basis for staying together.  I had a practice marriage that lasted 5 years when I was very young.  I learned a lot that has helped me in my current 35 year partnership/marriage. 

[Woody B]

48 minutes ago, TnRiver46 said:

My silly dogs all started fighting the other day and weren’t listening to the “stop” command hhaha

 

I'm scared of my dog.   

[TnRiver46]

Just now, Woody B said:

 

I'm scared of my dog.   

I did learn from last time, don’t break up a dog fight with your hands . All that did was tag me into the Royal rumble 

[roadwarrior]

On 11/20/2022 at 9:53 AM, Dwight Hottle said:

 It also helps when the wife admits to herself that her husband can do no wrong.? 

45 years for me as of last month. 

 

                                                            

[Captain Phil]

We just celebrated our 57th wedding anniversary. We were high school sweethearts that married right out of school.  We have similar family backgrounds and interests.  If you want to fish for the rest of your life, marry a girl who likes fishing!

 

My wife is the most intelligent person I have ever met.  She worked for me in my business at one time.  I worked for her in business later in life.  In a business, someone has to be the boss.  A good marriage is based on mutual respect, it's not a business. 

 

So you know, our sex life is still great.  That's important.  I don't think of my wife as "my old lady".  My wife is my best friend.  Everything we do, we do together.  She is my greatest cheerleader and I am her biggest fan.  It's been wonderful....   

[VolFan]

I have the opposite experience as someone above as far as bringing a kid into the marriage. Not that we weren’t happy before but children are a different game, different level.  You just survive infancy the first few years and then it’s like watching yourself learn things for the first time.  I’ve been married almost 15 years to my best friend. We don’t always agree, but we have learned when to talk and when not to. There’s no perfect formula for everyone, but communication is the constant.

[cheezyridr]

as for marriage stats, it depends how you compile them, what answer you get.  i can tell you that if you look at marriages that fail by the time they reach 10 yrs, the rate is far higher than 50%. 

 

i have seen threads like this one on many forums.  you always get a few people who say things like oh, things are not so bad, i have been married 35 years to my best friend. 

well, what most people fail to realize is,  in these times, you have a better chance of seeing bigfoot or win the lottery. one of the biggest drivers for marriage failure is the court system. statistically, women cheat more than men do.  however, pay attention to what happens in either case, in the courts, and among those peoples friends.  when a man cheats, he is a monster. when a woman cheats, the man is at fault for working too much or not putting the toilet seat down. women have no accountability. this is especially true in family court.  women get custody of the kids, regardless of circumstances, most of the time. men are driven into poverty over child support, and if they fail on payments, they lose their license, and can end up in jail.  the courts do not care why you fell behind.  job lay offs, illness & injury, does not matter. however, if a woman falls behind, crickets.  too bad, so sad, sorry about your luck. if a man is abusive, the woman has many places to turn for support.  if a woman is abusive, men have nothing.  if they speak up, it is considered unmanly. far more men commit suicide over divorce than women. the entire thing is so lopsided, marriage these days is a fools errand. marriage is a contract that you don;t get to know the terms of, until it is dissolved. 

 

if any of you think i am wrong about this, i encourage you to look up the early works of jordan peterson karen straughn, and paul elam on the subject of mens rights and red pilling. what you learn from them will be an eye opener to say the least.