I finally figured it out

[Luke Barnes]

As some may have noticed in my posts, I tend to be negative alot and my mood towards fishing changes alot. I know why and that is clinical depression and ptsd that I deal with but....!!!! I finally figured out what makes me stick with bass fishing and it's you all. 

 

I don't get out to fish very often anymore because we had our third child, new job that is 5 days a week where my last job was 4 ten hour days so I ways had Friday to fish. So the actual fishing part has really been weighing hard on me and I've been very, VERY, depressed about not being able to fish much anymore.

 

But I can't step away because I figured out I love the talk, the comradery,  the investigating lures and bodies of water. The logic that goes into which bait to use when, where, and how. I like the community and the people. 

 

So I like alot of things about bass fishing and I'm trying to focus on those things and not the fact I don't get to actually fish. Posting this stuff here is like therapy to me, voicing my thoughts and feelings.

 

So thank you to everyone who has taken the time to talk to me. 

[Smirak]

Hey Luke…I too have major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety and PTSD (thanks deployments!). Like you, I have constant mood changes as well. However, I don’t work any longer as im 100% P&T, and still have wavering thoughts.  
 

Hang in there bud and keep thinking about it!

[AlabamaSpothunter]

You're not alone Luke, lots of us battle with mental demons.   Life is tough, thank God for fishing, family/friends/pets, and this place for making it a little less tough.

 

 

[Luke Barnes]

18 minutes ago, Smirak said:

Hey Luke…I too have major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety and PTSD (thanks deployments!). Like you, I have constant mood changes as well. However, I don’t work any longer as im 100% P&T, and still have wavering thoughts.  
 

Hang in there bud and keep thinking about it!

What branch were you in? I was Army from 2003-2010 and got to visit the middle east beaches of Iraq for 27 months.  

[ScottW]

Hey Luke, congrats on the 3rd child! Children are a gift in this short crazy ride we call life. Of course fishing is too ?. I was in (Army) back in the early 80s but never saw the stuff you folks have over in the sandbox. My absolute best friend was a full timer that had 3 tours in ‘Nam, two as a sniper, took every course the Army had to offer and became a drill sergeant before leaving. Lost him to a car accident years ago now. We used to sit and talk (I listened) about his time in. What he described was in great detail and horrifying. We had more fun than any two adults should have before he passed and I miss him to this day.

 

My round about point is to keep talking, keep reaching out. We care, we’ll listen and maybe swap stories(lies). ? I live in Springville just northeast of B’ham. Watch out for @AlabamaSpothunter though as he steals fish from ponds to stock his private lake. ? ?

Edited November 19, 2022 by sdw215
Typo

[Big Hands]

Both of my 'kids' are in their mid-30's now, but they weren't always in their mid-30's, nor will they ever be again. And fishing definitely moved down a few pegs during the time they were being raised. Your kids won't always be young again either and they need you more than you can imagine, and will for the next several years. It can seem like it will never be any different, but one day they will need much less of your time and that will be as bitter as it is sweet. 

 

The best suggestion I can give to you is to live in these moments, and try to minimize things you'll regret when you get older so that when you do get to re-engage with fishing on a more regular basis (should you choose to) that you won't spend that time wishing you'd been a better father (probably the hardest job you'll ever love).

 

One of their biggest needs will be time. There simply aren't that many shortcuts available to being a good father, especially when you have very young children. If you do a good job, they'll still require a lot of your time through their teen years.

 

If you want to teach your kids to fish, and enjoy fishing, it will be hard in some ways and it will not be like fishing alone or with your friends. The first two priorities should be to be safe and have fun. Actual fishing stuff only comes after those two conditions have been met. If you do things that way, they'll probably be open to doing just about anything because they love spending time with their father. 

 

As much as I love being able to fish as much as I currently can, there's a big part of me that misses being a father to my young kids.

 

In the mean time, there will be some time for staying connected to it and hopefully that will be able to scratch that itch during this time in your life.

[Catt]

First off!

 

Thank y'all for your service ??

 

If I ain't fishing, I'm thinking about fishing, talking  about fishing, or reading about fishing. 

[MN Fisher]

1 minute ago, Catt said:

If I ain't fishing, I'm thinking about fishing, talking  about fishing, or reading about fishing. 

Obviously, Tommy suffers from sleep deprivation.

 

12 hours ago, Luke Barnes said:

What branch were you in? I was Army from 2003-2010 and got to visit the middle east beaches of Iraq for 27 months.  

Thank you for your service - myself? Air Force - Aug 1980-July 1984.

[Catt]

4 minutes ago, MN Fisher said:

Obviously, Tommy suffers from sleep deprivation

 

Dream about fishing to!

 

[Columbia Craw]

Luke, you certainly have my respect and admiration. It’s been a tough year for many of us.  Just remember the lakes, rivers, ponds will always be patiently waiting for you to drop by when the time is available.  

[Smirak]

13 hours ago, Luke Barnes said:

What branch were you in? I was Army from 2003-2010 and got to visit the middle east beaches of Iraq for 27 months.  

I was army from ‘93 (deployment to Somalia) until ‘04 (deployment to Iraq). Was Air Force from ‘05 - 14 (both Iraq and Afghanistan).

[1984isNOW]

13 hours ago, Luke Barnes said:

As some may have noticed in my posts, I tend to be negative alot and my mood towards fishing changes alot. I know why and that is clinical depression and ptsd that I deal with but....!!!! I finally figured out what makes me stick with bass fishing and it's you all. 

 

I don't get out to fish very often anymore because we had our third child, new job that is 5 days a week where my last job was 4 ten hour days so I ways had Friday to fish. So the actual fishing part has really been weighing hard on me and I've been very, VERY, depressed about not being able to fish much anymore.

 

But I can't step away because I figured out I love the talk, the comradery,  the investigating lures and bodies of water. The logic that goes into which bait to use when, where, and how. I like the community and the people. 

 

So I like alot of things about bass fishing and I'm trying to focus on those things and not the fact I don't get to actually fish. Posting this stuff here is like therapy to me, voicing my thoughts and feelings.

 

So thank you to everyone who has taken the time to talk to me. 

I'm in a very similar boat my man (and it's definitely not a bass boat haha). Mental health been a battle for a decade and a half or so, have a toddler and a 6 month old and feel like all I do is work and think of ways to make more to provide more and work less to be home more with the fam (or out fishing). Been feeling like I'm going a little bonkers in this groundhog of monotony. But it does help to be here.

 

7 hours ago, Big Hands said:

Both of my 'kids' are in their mid-30's now, but they weren't always in their mid-30's, nor will they ever be again. And fishing definitely moved down a few pegs during the time they were being raised. Your kids won't always be young again either and they need you more than you can imagine, and will for the next several years. It can seem like it will never be any different, but one day they will need much less of your time and that will be as bitter as it is sweet. 

 

The best suggestion I can give to you is to live in these moments, and try to minimize things you'll regret when you get older so that when you do get to re-engage with fishing on a more regular basis (should you choose to) that you won't spend that time wishing you'd been a better father (probably the hardest job you'll ever love).

 

One of their biggest needs will be time. There simply aren't that many shortcuts available to being a good father, especially when you have very young children. If you do a good job, they'll still require a lot of your time through their teen years.

 

If you want to teach your kids to fish, and enjoy fishing, it will be hard in some ways and it will not be like fishing alone or with your friends. The first two priorities should be to be safe and have fun. Actual fishing stuff only comes after those two conditions have been met. If you do things that way, they'll probably be open to doing just about anything because they love spending time with their father. 

 

As much as I love being able to fish as much as I currently can, there's a big part of me that misses being a father to my young kids.

 

In the mean time, there will be some time for staying connected to it and hopefully that will be able to scratch that itch during this time in your life.

 

Thanks, I think I needed that reminder. I've definitely had that "I'll never get to fish again" feeling - and sometimes it feels selfish but also I know myself and my mental health and needing that time to myself and the water. It's a hard balance being human. I feel like I put so much pressure on myself to do more and be more for my kids and be a good dad and... and ...and ...and.... that I'm stressin myself out so much that I'm "feeling like I need to fish" more and cause this feedback loop I can't escape - like I need to fish to destress but I don't get to so I stress and then I'm distracted by thinking about fishing so I get down on myself and stress and then when I get to fish I feel like I'm missing out on time with my fam so I stress.

 

I do think a big part of it is a lack of sleep too, I stay up late because it's the only time I have to watch fishing stuff or research fishing stuff or whatever I'm looking into, and then I'm woken up all through the night because of my little one. 

 

But you're right man, it's my perspective thats off. Letting the distractions take my focus. Thanks @Luke Barnes for opening up, and thanks to all of you for being a community that is willing to share and build one another up.

 

Much love yall

[A-Jay]

Some very good stuff being shared in this one.

Thank you to all that served.

My service career was quite different from much of what has been noted above

and occurred all in Conus.

There were certainly challenges but I believe I came out of it mostly OK.

I'm on the back side of life at this point and find myself challenged by a couple of different deals that weigh on my mind body & spirit 24/7/365.

Open water & hard water is an annual 50/50 deal

so being able to come here and 'escape', even for just a short bit has been very beneficial.

I read something a while back about living in the present that really hit home.

Reading about it is one thing, but when I was not doing it, it seemed like I couldn't really help me.

I was Very wrong.

It's something that I still need to remind myself of daily, but I highly recommend it.

Please take a few minutes and read this.

 

“Most people are prisoners, thinking only about the future or living in the past. They are not in the present, and the present is where everything begins.”

-Carlos Santana-

A-Jay

 

"The present makes us exist in a certain place. Although we sometimes underestimate the present, everything we do in the present moment will be our personal inheritance. Living in the present allows you to build a whole world that will then become your legacy.

Living in the present implies being aware of each situation and finding our eternity in every single moment. Naive people spend their time looking at other places while standing on an island full of life opportunities. There are no other places, though… There’s no other life but this one. 

The present is ephemeral and thinking intensely about an unknown future or our troubling past may cause it to slip out of our hands.

 

Forever is composed of “nows”

Although it may be difficult for us to understand the physical dimension of time, the truth is that life is now. There has never been a time when your life wasn’t now.

 

The present is so transient that this line you just finished reading is already part of your past. The future, on the other hand, is what you project when you think about what you’ll be doing on the weekend instead of focusing your whole being on reading what’s before you. The present moment is the only time we can modify with our actions and decisions.

 

We sometimes put so much of our energy into thinking about the past or future that we don’t realize just how quickly the present moment flies by. It’s important for us to stop for a second and think about the number of times we’ve kept ourselves from living in the present moment just out of fear of future or past memories.

 

Living in the present moment allows you to be thankful for everything

If our happiness at this time consists mainly of memories and expectations, we’ll only be vaguely aware of the present moment. If we do this a lot, we won’t be able to be fully conscious of what goes on around us. That keeps us from enjoying the little things and experiencing them fully. Breaking the habit of constantly looking back and forth will be of great help if we want to enjoy our current reality.

 

Focusing only on the future or past can jeopardize our present to the point where we start asking ourselves if we’re living in the real world or if it’s all a fantasy. The present moment doesn’t last for a lifetime. Today seems eternal, but it won’t exist tomorrow. 

Keeping ourselves present in our reality may seem like an easy thing to do, but it requires practice. The reason for this is that we’re used to giving free rein to thoughts that aren’t part of it. Living in the present gives us the chance to learn from the many events that go on in our daily lives. You may think that you do pay enough attention to your reality when, in fact, all you do is think about the consequences of your past actions or how scary the future is.

It’s okay for a past event to make you feel upset, but why remain angry due to something that no longer exists? Keep yourself present and grateful for your current reality. The secret to having a healthy mind and body is living in the present moment instead of complaining about the past or worrying about the problems the future might bring."

 

 

[AlabamaSpothunter]

The most important thing guys is reaching out if you are in a really dark place.  DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE!

 

You must always remember you're not alone, people have been where you are before, and there is a way out of that darkness with help from others.  

 

My gun tech forum has a "Feeling depressed" where members can comment and then get one on one help from members who check the thread often.   I've given my number to a number of men who were at their wicks end, they are still here today, and one has a whole new lease on life.

 

Don't ever make a temporary problem a permanent one.  Take pride in the struggle that is life, we're all in this together even though it rarely feels that way.   

 

Once again especially to our awesome vets, PLEASE REACH OUT if you are having bad thoughts, or can't snap your depression spell.   It takes courage to do what Luke the OP did in this thread, most men have trouble venting, or sharing pain and depression with others.   It's super important we do this.  

[Luke Barnes]

10 hours ago, PUTitinYOURmouthFISH said:

I'm in a very similar boat my man (and it's definitely not a bass boat haha). Mental health been a battle for a decade and a half or so, have a toddler and a 6 month old and feel like all I do is work and think of ways to make more to provide more and work less to be home more with the fam (or out fishing). Been feeling like I'm going a little bonkers in this groundhog of monotony. But it does help to be here.

 

 

Thanks, I think I needed that reminder. I've definitely had that "I'll never get to fish again" feeling - and sometimes it feels selfish but also I know myself and my mental health and needing that time to myself and the water. It's a hard balance being human. I feel like I put so much pressure on myself to do more and be more for my kids and be a good dad and... and ...and ...and.... that I'm stressin myself out so much that I'm "feeling like I need to fish" more and cause this feedback loop I can't escape - like I need to fish to destress but I don't get to so I stress and then I'm distracted by thinking about fishing so I get down on myself and stress and then when I get to fish I feel like I'm missing out on time with my fam so I stress.

 

I do think a big part of it is a lack of sleep too, I stay up late because it's the only time I have to watch fishing stuff or research fishing stuff or whatever I'm looking into, and then I'm woken up all through the night because of my little one. 

 

But you're right man, it's my perspective thats off. Letting the distractions take my focus. Thanks @Luke Barnes for opening up, and thanks to all of you for being a community that is willing to share and build one another up.

 

Much love yall

Man you just described my life and thought process to a T! It is a challenge but my family is my top priority so thank you for reminding me, the fish will be there whenever I get a chance.  My kids will grow and eventually want less and less to do with me so I will enjoy it while I can.

 

But that cycle of stress is terrible and exhausting and like you I stay up way too late doing what I had been wanting to do throughout the day. 

 

Thanks for sharing with me!