Am I alone?

[Randy Price]

Does anyone else have a hard time telling real friends from just work associates?  I have worked (in some cases for years) with a number of guys that enjoyed hunting and fishing as much as me.  We used to participate in tournaments and even create our own little fishing tournaments and take trips to N. WI.  But as time has passed all the guys have left the company and no longer want to do anything as a group any more.  I have tried to maintain what I thought were friendships but sadly I'm starting to accept that I thought more of them than they did me.  Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Darth-Baiter]

interesting topic.  

 

for me:  as i have gotten older, i strangly find myself having to work harder to make friends.  i stay friendly, but a deeper friendship isnt that easy.   i have some great friends, and despite long periods between interaction, we immediately pick up right where we left off.  \

 

but yea.  i have a couple of coworkers that have been elevated to friend.  at least by me.  how they feel about me is unknown.  haha..

[N Florida Mike]

I have what I consider a lot of friends. I have a few very close friends.

Ive had the same experience at different jobs. It’s almost like you cease to exist because you don’t work with them anymore…

It’s kind of mysterious to me with friends in general.I do nearly 100 %   of the initiating for activities.  I gave up trying to understand why that is. It would be so refreshing if a friend would actually reach out to me for a change.

I have a generally friendly, laid back personality so I don’t think they are mad at me. When I initiate something, they seem glad to hear from me, and then we enjoy whatever activity we end up doing.

I realize it’s not all about me, but it really is strange…?

 

[A-Jay]

Best way I've found to help determine what level a particular friendship may be at,

is to ask the person to help me move.

Somehow the thought of lifting and carrying heavy furniture

& very large appliances filters out the phony bologna (or baloney if you prefer)

Maybe it's just me. 

A-Jay

[Darth-Baiter]

or ask for a ride to the airport.

 

Randy, if i lived near you i'd join your group for sure.!

[Boomstick]

This seems to be pretty normal. I have had my friends from my prior job I knew from college and some I made afterwards. Some of them never want to do anything anyway it's just the way they are, others are just too busy but try when they can and others couldn't be bothered, I usually don't ask those people to do anything anymore.

[Randy Price]

29 minutes ago, N Florida Mike said:

I have what I consider a lot of friends. I have a few very close friends.

Ive had the same experience at different jobs. It’s almost like you cease to exist because you don’t work with them anymore…

It’s kind of mysterious to me with friends in general.I do nearly 100 %   of the initiating for activities.  I gave up trying to understand why that is. It would be so refreshing if a friend would actually reach out to me for a change.

I have a generally friendly, laid back personality so I don’t think they are mad at me. When I initiate something, they seem glad to hear from me, and then we enjoy whatever activity we end up doing.

I realize it’s not all about me, but it really is strange…?

 

@N Florida Mike, You took the words right out of my mouth!  I do 100% of the initiating and the old "friends" seem glad to hear from me but never reach out to me!!!

[N Florida Mike]

20 minutes ago, Randy Price said:

@N Florida Mike, You took the words right out of my mouth!  I do 100% of the initiating and the old "friends" seem glad to hear from me but never reach out to me!!!

I reckon they could call us “ Alpha “ friends “ 

Its nice someone else can relate. Sometimes you start wondering if you’re the only one that feels that way…

[NYWayfarer]

2 hours ago, A-Jay said:

Best way I've found to help determine what level a particular friendship may be at,

is to ask the person to help me move.

Somehow the thought of lifting and carrying heavy furniture

& very large appliances filters out the phony bologna (or baloney if you prefer)

Maybe it's just me. 

A-Jay

I find this to be very true. I helped my closest friend move more times than I can count. 
 

I have moved 4 times in my life and we were “conveniently” (for him) not on speaking terms at those times. 

[A-Jay]

4 minutes ago, NYWayfarer said:

I find this to be very true. I helped my closest friend move more times than I can count. 
 

I have moved 4 times in my life and we were “conveniently” (for him) not on speaking terms at those times. 

See, so it's not just me.

In the service during 'transfer season' (Summer basically) about 1/3 of the entire service relocates/moves.

So we found out real fast who we could count on, who we couldn't.

The best folks helped everyone they could and got all the help they needed when it was their time. 

A-Jay

[BigAngus752]

I understand exactly what you are saying.

[Woody B]

I suspect that, like myself, most of us spend a BUNCH of time at work.   It's easier to work with friends than enemies, or even strangers.   If you can't tell between a real friend, or just a colleague/work associate decide if you would ever see them again if you or them left that job.   I have several work friends, and 1 real friend at work.   We fish shoot and hunt together and would keep in touch if one of use left our job.  He lives 10 miles or so from me.   We share some mutual friends but never met until we worked together.  

 

I suspect things in small town areas like where I live are different that more urban areas.   

 

 

All of y'all are my internet friends.  If you're coming through Grover NC let me know.  We'll have lunch, or go fishing.   

[jbsoonerfan]

I have a lot of what I assume some people would call "friends". However, I have 3 guys that I would consider my best friends and one of them I would consider a brother. The first 2 guys, we may go a month or more without seeing each other or speaking, but nothing changes once we get together. The other guy, we talk at least a couple times a week and he comes over a few times a month. I've posted this before, but one of my favorite parts /quotes in a movie ever is when Doc Holiday was walking in the creek shooting at the Outlaws and he went back and hid behind the tree and Turkey Creek Johnson was there. Creek ask him, "Doc, why do you do it?'. Doc said "Wyatt Earp is my friend". Creek says "Friend? Hell, I got lot's of friends". To which Doc replies "I don't"

 

BTW, another thing that made me realize these 3 were people I could count on. All 3 were at the hospital the day my son was born. That meant a lot to me.

[gim]

I have what I would call 2 or 3 co workers who were converted into friends. My measure of a friend at work is if we hang out together outside of work, and these 3 co workers I do activities with fairly often. In other words, even if we didn’t work together, we would still know, interact, and do things together.

[throttleplate]

keep your friends close and your enemies closer. All my friends were women. I am married now so i dont have anymore friends.

[DaubsNU1]

I've got two good work friends...we have been working together for 10+ years. We go to lunch during work hours...but never hang out when after work or outside of work. Do have a group text, send funny memes at all hours of the day. They are great people. 

 

I have six buddies went to college with...one was my lottery-pick roommate. We have been close for 30 years...in each other's weddings...etc. We all still gather to hunt and fish three-four times a year. 

 

 

[Glenn]

I have my work friends and my real friends, and nary the two shall meet.  Both are great groups of people.  But work is work, and I turn it off after hours.  I don't hang out with coworkers outside of work, mainly because they know little about "the great outdoors", but also because they're on a career track and are short-term by design.  People come and go, and real friendships are fleeting.

 

My real friends enjoy fishing, camping, making fun of each other, hanging out in bars, and helping each other whenever needed.  That's real friends. That's real life.

[MN Fisher]

I've had a number of friends over the years, but life happened and because of the home situation we've drifted apart.

 

I have gone and done things with work friends, things my non-work friends weren't interested in.

 

I think my favorite work-friend outing was a concert I went to.

 

My work friend, Coffi with his sister and fiance during intermission.

Me with the girls.

[volzfan59]

I've had numerous work or church related friends and, from time to time we'd hangout. However, I never really considered any of them to be real friends. In law enforcement, we tend to hang out with each other, or like minded folks. Before retirement, I would have fought anyone or anything to protect my brothers and sisters in blue, still would.

I've had two real, best friends in my life. One has gone on, RIP Richard. The other is so close that we call each other "brother", the one I never had one. My wife still gets a kick over us telling each other "I love you" when we visit, talk on the phone, text, etc. Crazy thing is, we're polar opposites. He's agnostic, I'm a Christian. He's moderately liberal, I'm hardcore conservative. He's vegetarian, I'm most definitely not, etc, etc We're both Veterans, he was in L/E for a time, we both love bass fishing and each other.

Other than him, I'm pretty much, on purpose, a loner. After moving to South Arkansas, I've been asked several times to go out and make new friends. My reply, I'm good. I do consider y'all to be internet friends.

[TnRiver46]

I’ve got a list of best friends a mile long. If I ever need anything I can just snap my fingers and it appears, via a friend 

[TOXIC]

12 hours ago, Glenn said:

I have my work friends and my real friends, and nary the two shall meet.  Both are great groups of people.  But work is work, and I turn it off after hours.  I don't hang out with coworkers outside of work, mainly because they know little about "the great outdoors", but also because they're on a career track and are short-term by design.  People come and go, and real friendships are fleeting.

 

My real friends enjoy fishing, camping, making fun of each other, hanging out in bars, and helping each other whenever needed.  That's real friends. That's real life.

Exactly the same except I have a close circle of friends that also includes some who do not fish.  My job, when I was working, wasn’t conducive to any long term relationships.  I was a career appointed federal employee and one of a small number that managed up to 400 temporary or contract employees depending on the location and both the location and their jobs were never meant to be permanent.  It was heartbreaking when we closed those locations and the few of us that were permanent moved on and the remainder lost their jobs.  I went through it too many times.  So I made all of my close friends outside the workplace. 

[casts_by_fly]

I have very few but very close friends, so I don't have the problem of 'fake friends'.  I like it that way.  I'm friendly to most everyone.  I'll go fishing with anyone.  But to be called a 'friend' is an investment in a couple years of time for me.

 

We use the measuring stick of "who would you walk across the airport to see?".  You're in the airport and have plenty of time before you flight.  You just realized you're in the same airport as a 'friend'.  You have to walk to the other side of the airport.  Who would you walk across the airport to see?  Those people are your friends.  I have a dozen friends I'd do that for.  Maybe that many.

[PhishLI]

23 hours ago, A-Jay said:

Best way I've found to help determine what level a particular friendship may be at,

is to ask the person to help me move.

Funny you should use this as a measure. Birds of a feather on this one.

 

Back in the 90s I started hanging out again with a good party buddy that I'd known since elementary school. Did Vegas trips and had lots of good times. Out of the 8 of us who hung out on and off together as kids, he was the only one I'd never had a fist fight with. Neither of us had ever crossed that line, and it seemed like we were pretty tight.

 

In '96 I needed to move pronto. Like as fast as possible. He'd actually volunteered to help out, but never showed up on the first or second day. I called on the 1st day to make sure he wasn't dead, but no call back. Thankfully I had plenty of hands on deck, and after I moved and got a new phone # I never bothered calling again. Oh well.

[Jmilburn76]

I know a lot of people and would consider them acquaintances but I don't have friends. Me almost getting killed last May at work only solidified that as I literally only had my parents come visit me a few times when I got out of ICU and home. All in I worked there 13 1/2 yrs and the company has only been there a little over 14.

[Skunkmaster-k]

4 hours ago, Jmilburn76 said:

I know a lot of people and would consider them acquaintances but I don't have friends. Me almost getting killed last May at work only solidified that as I literally only had my parents come visit me a few times when I got out of ICU and home. All in I worked there 13 1/2 yrs and the company has only been there a little over 14.

Your coworkers sound like jerks.