How To Motivate A Young Man

[Jigfishn10]

50 minutes ago, TnRiver46 said:

The great thing about HVAC? Every house has it. Well 99% anyway 

I'm the 1%. My house in Maine has no AC, just heat. It gets hot in the house for about 2-3 weeks in the year. I'll bring a window unit with me for those 2 weeks.

[TnRiver46]

1 minute ago, Jigfishn10 said:

I'm the 1%. My house in Maine has no AC, just heat. It gets hot in the house for about 2-3 weeks in the year. I'll bring a window unit with me for those 2 weeks.

I like it! I probably should have said 80+ percent…..

[fishwizzard]

On 1/25/2022 at 1:38 PM, Tennessee Boy said:

 

I knew of a similar situation and it turned out the kid was having anxiety issue.  He was having panic attacks at work and wasn't telling anyone in the family.  Anti anxiety drugs were the answer.

 In the absence of other behavioral or disciplinary/legal issues, I would lean strongly towards something like this.   Getting jobs and then actually quitting vs just being such a pos that you get fired are different symptoms.  

[Bankbeater]

Whatever the reason for him not keeping a job, you want to end it before he starts to think he can quit just whenever he feels like it. From experience I can tell you that he needs to understand now that a job is not a want, it's a need. 

[txchaser]

Two things - one, the military knocked the nonsense right out of me. But it certainly isnt for everyone, just turned out it was exactly what I needed- more challenge and intensity not less.  Two, and this almost seems silly to bring up, but I'm curious what he said when you asked him the same thing you asked us?

[Columbia Craw]

No one can motivate him. Motivation comes from within.  One can only attempted to inspire him.  Finding young people who have a sense of direction and a passion is becoming more difficult by the day.  Finding what he wants his future to look like will be the starting point to find ways to inspire him to see himself in that light.  Don’t under write his financial needs but hold him accountable just as we all were held accountable to pay our own way. That is the first stepping stone to being a real adult. Best of luck.

[N Florida Mike]

I’d have a talk with him. And be nice, but give him a month to start working and keep the job. If he doesn’t, he has to leave.

[jbsoonerfan]

When my son turned 16 I told him he needed to find a job. He is driving a hand me down Tahoe that was my wife's old vehicle. I told him as long as he was working, I would buy him one tank of gas a month. He drives to school and work and that is it. He only works part time, just 3 days a week, but he has been at it for 3 months now. He has saved up over $1,500 so far. We were talking about it last night and my 10 year old daughter said, "Now that you have a job, I think it's time you get your own house so I can have your room".

 

Would you like me to have her talk the guy for you?????

[T-Billy]

On 1/25/2022 at 1:47 PM, A-Jay said:

I added it above but just cut him loose.

Fending for oneself is a great motivator.

So is living under a bridge.

A-Jay

Nailed it. Enabling isn't helping.

[flyfisher]

Study after study has been done to show that any type of work other than mindless type jobs that money is not a motivator in the long term.  People need to find value in their work and pay the bills.  I know many won't agree with my stance on here and that is fine but the proof is out there.  He is young and doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up, it happens.  If he wants to keep switching jobs, let him do it.  He may find the one that sticks and he wants to go to every day.  

 

He obviously has something people are able to see since he is getting jobs.  Let him figure it out but that doesn't mean allow him to be a bum.  Some people just need to figure things out on their own in their own way.  I was never one to switch a lot of jobs but it took me 16 years to finish my undergrad and 18 months my masters....people change and the people calling the kid a bum at 20 makes me scratch my head....

[slonezp]

A kick in the rear.

 

 

[jbsoonerfan]

Ummmm, bills are indeed a motivating factor when it comes to having a job. I agree though, when you are a mooch there is no reason to work. When you will be without a place to live, a vehicle, water, food, electricity, etc. You will have to keep a job or be on the streets. Twenty years old is plenty old enough to be out on one's own whether he finds value in his work or not. This guy is what I would call a bum, not sure there is another term aside from mooch. He bums and mooches off other people to survive.

[Mobasser]

As a follow up to all this. My wife, along with Kyles mother arranged for  a counseling session, along with a visit to a specialist. Kyle has been diagnosed with a sever anxiety problem. Basically what the specialist told them  is that things that many of us think are easy, such as keeping a job, create a huge amount of stress for him, and are  very hard for him to maintain.                                      He's been subscribed anti anxiety medicine. He's starting back on his job with the county road crew next Monday.                           This says something good about him. Had he not done a good job there, they would not have considered hiring him back. I hope this medication will help him, and get him straightened out.                     I feel somewhat bad for jumping on him like I did. I'm relieved now. He's not a lazy bum after all. Just a young man who needed some help.                          The doctor told my wife that this is a common problem with younger guys these days. We'll never know why these things happen, but now I'm thankful and pulling for him 100 percent.

 

[jbsoonerfan]

Just make sure he is taking them as prescribed and stick to it. My wife works for a psychotherapist and meds will definitely help, but you all will really need to watch his behavior and he will need to be able to explain how he feels in detail to make sure the dosage is correct. Once the dosage is dialed in and he is taking them accordingly, things should go a lot better.

[Boomstick]

I'm dealing with this with my oldest kid now. He basically only applies to places that would never hire him or that would never have hours for him around school.

 

I'm not sure what to do yet. Do I kick him out in a couple months when he turns 18?

 

 

[A-Jay]

26 minutes ago, Boomstick said:

I'm dealing with this with my oldest kid now. He basically only applies to places that would never hire him or that would never have hours for him around school.

 

I'm not sure what to do yet. Do I kick him out in a couple months when he turns 18?

 

 

Tough Call.

Good Luck

A-Jay

 

 

[TnRiver46]

15 minutes ago, Boomstick said:

I'm dealing with this with my oldest kid now. He basically only applies to places that would never hire him or that would never have hours for him around school.

 

I'm not sure what to do yet. Do I kick him out in a couple months when he turns 18?

 

 

That’s up to you as a parent!  We had a mutual agreement at my house. Mom said now you’re 18, time to be an adult. But I was like “hooray I’m 18, I can do whatever I want!!!”

 

she would help if I asked, but I haven’t had to move back in yet haha. She does still cook me dinner once a week and send me home with copious leftovers provided I change some light bulbs, fix a few shingles, and kill mice 

[cyclops2]

First you & your family need to BE HELPED.  Get yourselves trained how to handle his problem. 

Then you can have the confidence to do the right things with him. Some house insurance or employer plans will pick up the costs.  The Web Counselors are not what you need now.

[A-Jay]

4 minutes ago, cyclops2 said:

First you & your family need to BE HELPED.  Get yourselves trained how to handle his problem. 

Then you can have the confidence to do the right things with him. Some house insurance or employer plans will pick up the costs.  The Web Counselors are not what you need now.

Good Call.

A-Jay

[Jigfishn10]

On 1/31/2022 at 8:43 PM, flyfisher said:

Study after study has been done to show that any type of work other than mindless type jobs that money is not a motivator in the long term.  People need to find value in their work and pay the bills.  I know many won't agree with my stance on here and that is fine but the proof is out there.  He is young and doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up, it happens.  If he wants to keep switching jobs, let him do it.  He may find the one that sticks and he wants to go to every day.  

 

He obviously has something people are able to see since he is getting jobs.  Let him figure it out but that doesn't mean allow him to be a bum.  Some people just need to figure things out on their own in their own way.  I was never one to switch a lot of jobs but it took me 16 years to finish my undergrad and 18 months my masters....people change and the people calling the kid a bum at 20 makes me scratch my head....

So much truth to this post. 

 

On 1/25/2022 at 2:40 PM, Jigfishn10 said:

I did as well. Someone very near and dear to me. No anti anxiety drugs, but weekly therapist meetings. Unbelievable turnaround!

This person near and dear to me put so much pressure on herself to succeed right out of high school and really didn't know which career path to go in. She was a wreck. All she needed was for someone to tell her that it was okay to take time and try different things until she figured it out. In the mean time, she took college courses online, got a degree and set out to do a career she wants to do. No drugs, no kick in the @$$ and no one dragging her to sign up for military service.

 

Please do not be offended by that last statement. I'm only posting a real life experience.

[slonezp]

20 hours ago, Boomstick said:

I'm dealing with this with my oldest kid now. He basically only applies to places that would never hire him or that would never have hours for him around school.

 

I'm not sure what to do yet. Do I kick him out in a couple months when he turns 18?

 

 

I dropped out of school at 16, left on my own at 17, and the school of hard knocks offers a great education.

I'd at least give him the option of job, military, or school and part time job if he wants to continue having a roof over his head. 

With a job, he pays you rent and pays his own way for everything else. School and a job, you cover his room and board and he pays his own way for everything else. And Uncle Sam will take care of his necessities in the military. 

[Boomstick]

5 hours ago, slonezp said:

I dropped out of school at 16, left on my own at 17, and the school of hard knocks offers a great education.

I'd at least give him the option of job, military, or school and part time job if he wants to continue having a roof over his head. 

With a job, he pays you rent and pays his own way for everything else. School and a job, you cover his room and board and he pays his own way for everything else. And Uncle Sam will take care of his necessities in the military. 

I sat him down and talked to him. He seems to get it, at least for now. Today was progress, applied to another job and followed up with another one.

[slonezp]

19 minutes ago, Boomstick said:

I sat him down and talked to him. He seems to get it, at least for now. Today was progress, applied to another job and followed up with another one.

Keep on him.

I'm dealing with both sides of the coin. I have a son who is successful and makes more money than I do and a step daughter with a grandson that can't rub two nickels together to make a dime.

 

The difference between the 2 of them is my son takes responsibility for his shortcomings and learns from them. My step daughter blames others for her shortcomings and hasn't learned a thing.

[Chris Catignani]

Maybe just ask him what he wants to do?

 

Then explain to him that the free ride is over.

No phone, no clothes, no more.

I know it sounds harsh...but the worst thing you can do is keep enabling him.

 

Good luck with all this...I have been through it and would not wish this on my worst enemy.

 

[A-Jay]

On 2/1/2022 at 3:28 PM, Mobasser said:

As a follow up to all this. My wife, along with Kyles mother arranged for  a counseling session, along with a visit to a specialist. Kyle has been diagnosed with a sever anxiety problem. Basically what the specialist told them  is that things that many of us think are easy, such as keeping a job, create a huge amount of stress for him, and are  very hard for him to maintain.                                      He's been subscribed anti anxiety medicine. He's starting back on his job with the county road crew next Monday.                           This says something good about him. Had he not done a good job there, they would not have considered hiring him back. I hope this medication will help him, and get him straightened out.                     I feel somewhat bad for jumping on him like I did. I'm relieved now. He's not a lazy bum after all. Just a young man who needed some help.                          The doctor told my wife that this is a common problem with younger guys these days. We'll never know why these things happen, but now I'm thankful and pulling for him 100 percent.

 

Been a while but I hope Kyle is doing well.

A-Jay