How To Motivate A Young Man

[Mobasser]

Four months ago, my nephew came to stay with us. He was sent here by his mother( my wife's sister) to see if we, or mainly I, could help him. Kyle is 20 hrs old, has graduated high school with decent B average grades. His problem is he will not keep a job.                                          In the last year he's had seven jobs. Two of these jobs paid pretty good, and had benefits. He was hired at a Fed Ex warehouse at 21.00 per hr when he first came to our house. He worked two weeks and quit. He was hired shortly after on the county road crew, and worked one week. This job paid good also.                                       He has no problems with any substance abuse, and when he works, he's a hard worker. Everyone likes him. But, he won't stick with it.                                            I know many guys would say kick him out, but, I don't think this is the answer. He'll go back home and do this again.                I look back to when I was 20 hrs old.  I liked working, because I liked making money. 

 My dad would have never accepted this. And, I would have never expected him to.                            Now, I'm worried about this kid. If he keeps this up, nobody will hire him. Im sure I could get him a job on a framing crew that I know. But, I'm afraid to stick my neck out for him.               I'm looking for some answers here. What can I do to get this kid motivated? I'm at the end of my rope with him now.

[roadwarrior]

Would he consider military service?

[TOXIC]

Tough call.  Especially with a child that is not your own.  Giving him the benefit of the doubt, sounds like he hasn’t had a job that he enjoys well enough to stick with it.  First question is what does he want to do for a career?  Not giving him the benefit of the doubt I would say his mother has enabled him to quit for whatever reason he has.  You have to remember, the younger generation has had it drilled into their heads that you have to do what makes you happy.  Money is not at the top of the list anymore.  I don’t agree with it but it is what it is. I have a 24 year old daughter that has found her passion but the pay stinks and my only advice to her has been that she should “back” into her situation.  Questions she needs to answer are things like, Where do you want to live, what do you want to drive, what kind of lifestyle do you want?  There’s all sorts of different answers and they all have different price tags.  This I will say, when she came home after college we told her 6 months free rent then she had to pull her own weight.  And we stuck to it.  

[A-Jay]

13 minutes ago, roadwarrior said:

Would he consider military service?

^^^^ Yes.

Always looking for a few good men.

Vastly different culture in the service.

Often does a body good.

 

Best kept secret in this great country.

https://www.gocoastguard.com/about-the-coast-guard/discover-our-roles-missions

 

BTW-  Children need motivation.

Men motivate themselves.

Stop letting him 'come home'.

Cut him loose.

#stopenabling

A-Jay

[Tennessee Boy]

I know it's a growing problem.  I saw something on the news a while back about how in the last 20 years the number of young men in their 20s that were not in school and not working had grown significantly. 

 

I knew of a similar situation and it turned out the kid was having anxiety issue.  He was having panic attacks at work and wasn't telling anyone in the family.  Anti anxiety drugs were the answer.

[Mobasser]

8 minutes ago, A-Jay said:

^^^^ Yes.

Always looking for a few good men.

Vastly different culture in the service.

Often does a body good.

 

Best kept secret in this great country.

https://www.gocoastguard.com/about-the-coast-guard/discover-our-roles-missions

 

BTW-  Children need motivation.

Men motivate themselves.

A-Jay

A- Jay,  I'm going to tell his mother that the military is what  he needs.Ive thought about this myself. He needs something that he can't back out of do easily.

[A-Jay]

2 minutes ago, Mobasser said:

A- Jay,  I'm going to tell his mother that the military is what  he needs.Ive thought about this myself. He needs something that he can't back out of do easily.

I added it above but just cut him loose.

Fending for oneself is a great motivator.

So is living under a bridge.

A-Jay

[gim]

I agree with @A-Jay, its time to cut him loose.  It may sound a bit harsh given that he is a relative but apparently you have done what you can do without success.  After all, he's not your kid anyways.  He's your in-laws child and its their responsibility until he's 18.  Beyond that, he's his own responsibility.

 

A lot of in-laws wouldn't have even tried so I give you some credit for that.

[Deleted account]

37 minutes ago, roadwarrior said:

Would he consider military service?

I get (got) basic pay, BAH, BAS, and sometimes FSA, HDP, and a few other assorted tid bits, I see nothing covering baby sitting...

27 minutes ago, A-Jay said:

I added it above but just cut him loose.

Fending for oneself is a great motivator.

So is living under a bridge.

A-Jay

Or just wait until the entitled slug snaps and cuts you up and sticks you in the fireplace...

[TnRiver46]

Starting at $21/hour? Can I have his warehouse job? 

[Mobasser]

2 minutes ago, TnRiver46 said:

Starting at $21/hour? Can I have his warehouse job? 

Agree. I was so mad when he quit this job, I could feel the hair on the back of my neck start to stick out

[Deleted account]

13 minutes ago, Mobasser said:

Agree. I was so mad when he quit this job, I could feel the hair on the back of my neck start to stick out

All kidding aside, if he decides on the Navy, give me a shout. I did Pers and Admin for 25 years. Straightened out my share of Sailors too.

[Jigfishn10]

59 minutes ago, Tennessee Boy said:

I knew of a similar situation and it turned out the kid was having anxiety issue.  He was having panic attacks at work and wasn't telling anyone in the family.  Anti anxiety drugs were the answer.

I did as well. Someone very near and dear to me. No anti anxiety drugs, but weekly therapist meetings. Unbelievable turnaround!

[Mobasser]

1 minute ago, Deleted account said:

All kidding aside, if he decides on the Navy, give me a shout. I did Pers and Admin for 25 years. Straightened out my share of Sailors too.

It might be the best thing for him.

Just now, Mobasser said:

It might be the best thing for him.

It seems like there's a lot of young guys that do this anymore. I don't know why?

[DitchPanda]

30 minutes ago, Mobasser said:

It might be the best thing for him.

It seems like there's a lot of young guys that do this anymore. I don't know why?

Coddling from a young age has helped make this new generation weak. I'm not saying I haven't had my issues in my life and I'm by no means an old man far removed from him...ill be 39 in  May...but I've never borrowed Money from my parents, always paid my share and I've worked full time all but about 6-8 months total since I was 17.

I have a buddy who had a hard time sticking with a job. Great guy..he's my best friend..but just couldn't seem to stick with it. I had a heart to heart with him one day and said hey its a job you can always find a bulls%&$ reason to hate it but they are paying you to be there for a reason so get your head put of your a%& stick it out and support your family. He's been doing the same job for a few years now..he's making good money and hes past the whole jump ship part.

[TnRiver46]

Reckon what in the world you do all day if you don’t go to work? Heck I get bored even when I’m at work haha

[GreenPig]

How is he making car/insurance payments, gas, helping with groceries, and rent in your house? Sounds to me like he's being supported by others. Years ago when I made the move from mechanic to crew chief with 75+ men under my supervision, I learned the hard lesson that folks will get away with what you'll allow. I'd put his rump to work every day he's not working until he figures it out.

[LrgmouthShad]

Ya'll have some interesting thoughts here. I think times when I've had to figure stuff out for myself have benefitted me a lot. Particularly over the last few years. Heck, I was probably still a little entitled when i left high school. 

 

Hard to put myself i the frame of mind as this fellow young man though.

 

Military's good. I don't have real life experience yet though seeing how it affects someone who is unmotivated and needs direction. But I've seen it benefit people who are just fiery and restless and troublemakers. In that sense the military keeps you in line but the energy is put to good use.

[Skunkmaster-k]

Sounds like he needs a woman to ride his butt all day when he’s home. Then he will look forward to going to work. 

[cyclops2]

2 years of Covid have helped a lot of people get better at handling stress.  Some fail but most have improved with doing more with less. Most of the retirees.

[Happybeerbuzz]

Get him into bass fishing.  He will want more money than he can earn before long.  

 

There is a characteristic about many of today's young people.  They value experiences more than materials belongings and financial security.  It is not a particular wise path from my perspective, but I would be lying if I said I did not see the appeal.  

[PhishLI]

Hopefully this isn't ultimately the truth about your nephew, but some people are just bums. I have a bum or two in my extended family.

 

Personally I have little patience for it. I walked out the door at 15 with $150 in my pocket. It never once entered my mind to leave school or to not continue my education. I did that, worked my arse off every which way imaginable, and even drove a new car off the showroom floor when I was 18 1/2. I don't expect anyone else to have that sort of drive, but...

 

I moved mountains once to get a close childhood friend an extremely good job at a company I worked at. Great pay, benefits, working conditions...it was a hotel. Did everything I could to train him, but he was just somewhere else. Made a fool of me really, and I endorsed his firing before his probation period was up. Thankfully it didn't harm their perception of me. They understood where it came from.

 

Several years later I started my own business. Once again I gave him a shot. Maybe I couldn't accept my failure at getting him over the hump previously. I really tried, but forget it. He's just a bum. I haven't spoken to him in years, but know people who have. 30 years later he's still a bum. I often thought the only thing that would've saved him was being drafted in wartime, but even then, who knows?

 

Yours isn't the first thread to broach this subject. I've read on these pages before that there are plenty of very motivated young people. I don't doubt anyone who has given examples of exceptional young people in their workplaces, but that has not been my experience for quite some time. I've tried, but haven't had the pleasure of encountering a 20 year old worth a dime in a very long time.

 

Honestly, I'm not really interested in hiring anyone under 45. It's just a different mindset. Not sure if it's all the videogames, Low-T, or estrogen washed into the aquifers, and I really don't care. Their general state of being, especially contrasted against my own personal experience at a similar age, is just generally foreign to me. I have friends with businesses, and this is a widespread issue here. Perhaps it's a regional thing? Who knows?

 

Good luck. Not sure how many chances you should give him, or slaps to the face you should endure. It's unpleasant to have your heart hardened by people you care about.

[TnRiver46]

When Covid first hit, I didn’t know if I would be considered essential. So I quickly nabbed an extra job delivering food. You pretty much set your own hours and work whenever you want to, all you need is a car and insurance. I never thought I would but I kind of like it. I delivered  2 1/2 hours after work today and made $43. Not great money but ive made worse for many years. 
 

it’s certainly different than a traditional job, maybe something he could try. It’s a perfect side gig 

[HaydenS]

10 hours ago, roadwarrior said:

Would he consider military service?

X2

This is what I’ve decided I want to do if I, by some crazy circumstances, become a bum.  Heck I might even go this route if I don’t become a bum.  Thank you all who’ve served our country!  

 

I dislike people who're habitually lazy, I just can’t understand it.  If I was a grow man living in my parents basement choosing not to make money, when I could have a job paying $21+ an hour, I don’t see how I could have any pride.  I’m a sophomore high school, but I work whenever I’ve got breaks or extra days off.  My boss and neighbor pays me $8 an hour to learn and help in his HVAC business.  I made almost $1000 over the 19 days of Christmas break.  I’m saving up for a truck(and fishing stuff), so I work as often as I can.  I’ve got my parents and other people to thank for my work ethic!  

 

Is there something he is really into?  I want to make money for a truck and fishing stuff, so maybe if you find him something he wants, and only make him pay for it he might want to work for?  The satisfaction and pride in know you payed for something is pretty great, if he learned this it might motive him to work a lot harder?

 

 

[TnRiver46]

6 hours ago, HaydenS said:

X2

This is what I’ve decided I want to do if I, by some crazy circumstances, become a bum.  Heck I might even go this route if I don’t become a bum.  Thank you all who’ve served our country!  

 

I dislike people who're habitually lazy, I just can’t understand it.  If I was a grow man living in my parents basement choosing not to make money, when I could have a job paying $21+ an hour, I don’t see how I could have any pride.  I’m a sophomore high school, but I work whenever I’ve got breaks or extra days off.  My boss and neighbor pays me $8 an hour to learn and help in his HVAC business.  I made almost $1000 over the 19 days of Christmas break.  I’m saving up for a truck(and fishing stuff), so I work as often as I can.  I’ve got my parents and other people to thank for my work ethic!  

 

Is there something he is really into?  I want to make money for a truck and fishing stuff, so maybe if you find him something he wants, and only make him pay for it he might want to work for?  The satisfaction and pride in know you payed for something is pretty great, if he learned this it might motive him to work a lot harder?

 

 

The great thing about HVAC? Every house has it. Well 99% anyway