You Know You're Old When...

[Jigfishn10]

You start shaving hair...from your ear lobe.

[Skunkmaster-k]

You grunt every time you stand up 

[Jig Man]

When you hurt so bad you can’t fish 2 days in a row. (True)

[12poundbass]

Yup, plenty of hair growing out of the ears, nose, and eyebrows. All of them are grey or white. I’ve noticed that the grey or white hairs on my eyebrows seem to grow about an inch overnight too! I’ve been dealing with the nose hairs on the inside for a while now, but my new nemesis is the hairs on the tip of my nose! You take tweezers to those bad boys and your eyes instantly water! 
 

Getting old sucks! 

[Fishingmickey]

2 hours ago, Jigfishn10 said:

You start shaving hair...from your ear lobe.

Those are my wind direction indicators. My sweetheart calls them wings and like to nuzzle them. Probably more so due to my consternation when she does it.

FM

[J Francho]

....you can't trust a fart

[A-Jay]

This should cover it ~

(underlined a few of my favorites)

 

Won't belong before every birthday card you get will have at least one of these on it somewhere 

 

You Know You're Getting Old When...

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your back goes out more than you do.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.

You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

You start video taping daytime game shows.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.

You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

Happy hour is a nap.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.

Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

You don't remember being absentminded.

You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.

You tip more and carry less.

You read more and remember less.

You get propositioned by AARP.

Younger women start opening doors for you.

You begin to become invisible in the dating and mating game.

The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.

You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.

You are no longer 'promising'.

Younger men ask you for advice.

You work on your short game.

Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.

Youthful indiscretions harden into bad habits.

You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.

Your medical expenses go up 50%.

A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.

You learn where your prostrate is.

You develop a knack for wearing hats.

and finally, 

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake.

It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

A-Jay

[BrianMDTX]

3 hours ago, Jigfishn10 said:

You start shaving hair...from your ear lobe.

Lobe, inside the ear…everywhere. 
 

Yet…your mustache starts getting thin in spots. Gah-h-h!!!

[Catt]

1 hour ago, J Francho said:

....you can't trust a fart

 

My oldest brother would ask if farts are runny!

[DitchPanda]

1 hour ago, J Francho said:

....you can't trust a fart

I had one of those untrustworthy ones a few days ago. Old lady looks at me with a look of concern..all I could say was that's gonna itch when it dries.

[Jigfishn10]

...When you sit in your kitchen alone, you're laughing out loud reading this thread and now your dog is concerned. 

 

Thankfully (I know, it's a Thanksgiving thing) Abby isn't on our cell phone plan. She'd be dialing 119 real quick. Sorry, she's a little backwards, but we love her.

 

EDIT: BTW, @A-Jay, I'd suspend for the weekend if I had to moderate that long post. ?

 

EDIT + EDIT: @Jig Man, I'm sorry, man. I see my father the same way these days and it just breaks my heart. Have a great Thanksgiving my friend. I always enjoy reading your content.

[Columbia Craw]

You know you’re old when:

 

All your shoes secure with Velcro.

You see the urologist more often than your barber.

When you wore a mock coon skin hat as a kid.

when your toe nails look like corn flakes.

when your belt has four distinctive wear lines.

when you listen to the Stones in your 66 Ford truck on an 8 track player.

when the new employee picture board at your old employer looks like a high school year book page.

You remember sitting at the Woolworths lunch counter drinking a fountain Coke.

You shopped at the Army Navy surplus store.

You went to the county fair parade and the Sheriffs Deputies rode horses and the master of ceremonies was Chuck Conners.

You wore your Cub Scout uniform to school an den meeting days.

Rat Fink was popular.

The movie The Day The Earth Stood Still gave you night mares.

[Hammer 4]

While all the above is true. Got a be tough when you get old, nothing easy about it.

[roadwarrior]

The worst part of getting old is missing so many fishing buddies.

 

 

                                           

 

 

[Bird]

When you're wife has to clip your toenails. 

When you snore through your Cpap. 

When you no longer have birthday parties. 

When morning wood is a trip to the woodstove. 

When you buy buy reader glasses by the bushel. 

When you skip the names of personal friends and say " hey buddy " because you forgot their name. 

The list goes on.

[jimmyjoe]

   I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love this place 'cause I fit right in!  ?     jj

[Bankbeater]

When you go on a road trip and know the location of each rest stop along the way.

[Chris Catignani]

Your mad because you lost your favorite coach dog pattern "Humpy" (Rebel Humpback).

 

[Mike L]

When your granddaughter asks if she can “pluck the grey ones from your eyebrows”

 

 

 

 

Mike

[MN Fisher]

1 hour ago, Mike L said:

When your granddaughter asks if she can “pluck the grey ones from your eyebrows”

 

Mike

...and you end up with no eyebrows...

[Columbia Craw]

You know your old if your dentures have cavities.

Your college computer class used punch cards.

You listen to Tennessee Ernie Ford albums.

Your socks reach your knees.

You wore an “I like Ike” pin.

[roadwarrior]

I resemble that remark!

 

[MN Fisher]

13 minutes ago, Columbia Craw said:

Your college computer class used punch cards.

Gods, I remember those when I took Fortran back in college...'floor sorts' were never fun.

[TnRiver46]

1 hour ago, Columbia Craw said:

You know your old if your dentures have cavities.

Your college computer class used punch cards.

You listen to Tennessee Ernie Ford albums.

Your socks reach your knees.

You wore an “I like Ike” pin.

I did a report on Ike in elementary school, I’ve still got some pins hahaha

[volzfan59]

If I ever wake up and nothing hurts, I immediately check my just to make sure I'm not dead!