Tell Your Fishing Jokes

[Koz]

A woman is walking her dog out on a fishing pier when her little yappy dog spots something in the water and starts barking away and pulling on the leash. As the dog is leaning over the edge of the pier she loses grip of the leash and the dog unexpectedly tumbles into the water and as soon as it hits the surface a big muskie grabs the dog.

 

"Help! Help!" she starts yelling. "My dog just fell into the water and was grabbed by a big fish!"

 

Just as she's yelling a fisherman comes trolling by on his jon boat. "What color was it?" he yells back.

 

"He was brown. Oh, thank you! Thank you SO much for helping," she replied.

 

"Helping? Oh no, I just wanted to know what color they were biting on."

[Deleted account]

Alarm clock rings in the early pre dawn, and the guy snaps out of bed waking his wife in the process, she half asleep asks angrily "Are you really going fishing in this weather, just listen to that downpour!". Undeterred he hitches up the trailer and gets about a mile down the road, when the worsening weather and guilt gets the better of him, and he decides to turn around and go back to bed. He crawls back into the bed and exclaims "It's really bad out there"

without missing a beat the woman replies, "Yeah, can you believe my dumba$$ husband is out there fishing in this weather?"

[jimmyjoe]

   

A man was stopped by a game-warden with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

The man replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.

“Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.”

“That’s a bunch of crap! Fish can’t do that!” replied the warden in disbelief.

The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “Here, I’ll show you. It really works.”

“O.K. I’ve GOT to see this!” The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited…

After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” the man responded.

“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden prompted.

“Call who back?” the man asked.

“The FISH,” the warden said sternly.

“What fish?” the man asked.

[BIGfryFish]

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.

I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

Kid says, "$101,237.64."

Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, "Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

_______________________________________________________

 

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

 

Second guy: "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

 

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

 

They continue to fish when realized that fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him: "What you had to do to be able to come fishing? What's the deal?"

 

Fourth guy: "Nothing. I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Don't forget to wear a sweater".

____________________________________________________________

 

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterwards, while they're just laying there, her phone rings.

The woman answers and has a short conversation.  When she hangs up her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

______________________________________________________________

 

Lure A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track.

All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell.

The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks!

You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

_______________________________________________________________

 

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice from above said, “There are no fish down there.”

He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said,

“There’s no fish down there.”

He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said,

“There’s no fish down there.”

He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?” 

“No, you idiot,” the voice said, “it’s the rink manager.”

_________________________________________________________________

 

New Priest One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, odd looking fish.

A man was walking by and said, "Wow! What a nice Gauddam Fish!"

The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use lords name in vain."

The man said, "But that's the species of the fish a "Gauddam" Fish."

The sister said, "Oh, in that case, it's okay."

The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught."

Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that."

The nun said, "That's the name of it's species - a Gauddam Fish."

So, the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me that Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."

While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister caught."

Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn't talk like that!"

Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish."

Monsignor said, "Well give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll cook it."

That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish."

In reply, the sister said, "Thank you, I caught the Gauddam Fish."

And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the Gauddam Fish." And Monsignor said, "I cooked the Gauddam Fish."

The priest looked around in disbelief, quite shocked, and said, "I'm starting to like this f**king place!"

 

 

[NHBull]

[papajoe222]

A priest, a minister and a rabbi were out in a boat, fishing. when they were about 30yrds from shore the rabbi said: "I can't see to tie this knot without my glasses." He got up, stepped out of the boat and walked across the water to shore and his parked car.  He returned a few minutes later in the same fashion, sat down and tied on this hook without saying a word.

The minister then piped up saying: "I left my lunch in the car." He stood up and did just as the rabbi had done, returning with his lunch and not saying a word.

The priest thought to himself; 'I am also a man of God, I'll do as they did and walk on water, too.'  He made up an excuse to retrieve something from his car, got up, stepped out of the boat and quickly sank into the water.

The minister looked at the rabbi and with a sheepish grin said: "You think we should tell him where the rocks are?"