Best Answers Ever - Smile

[Sam]

BEST SMART ___ ANSWERS

 

SMART ___ ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?' , the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied .

SMART ___ ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ___ ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'

SMART ___ ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ___ ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ___ ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,  or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, sure you can still breathe, you fool.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it. You are an idiot!
6) You are laughing at yourself,
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."

 

[Shane Y]

Good stuff 

[jbsoonerfan]

3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.

 

I immediately took that as a challenge before reading any further lol

[Jrob78]

This reminded me of the goofy emails my grandpa used to forward me back 10 or so years ago before he passed away. Thanks for the memory and the smile.

[Sam]

10 hours ago, Jrob78 said:

This reminded me of the goofy emails my grandpa used to forward me back 10 or so years ago before he passed away. Thanks for the memory and the smile.

Your grandpa must have been a special guy. Cherish those great memories of him and your interactions.

[Oregon Native]

Thanks

[scaleface]

I fell for them .  So gullible .