Finding Balance

[mllrtm79]

For the attention deficit I will ask the question first, then get into the situation: 

How do you balance out time with family, partner, hobbies, work, and fishing? 

 

I have recently gotten back into fishing, and become more serious with it then ever before.

I have been in bowling leagues since 1999, some years as many as 6 nights per week, now I am on one winter league (33 weeks) from late August to mid April. I have been on at least one APA pool team year round since 2005, as many as 3 nights a week in one session several times. I shot many tournaments with both sports, including regional singles several times, as well as multiple state championships over the years (I won the state 9ball title in 2013). 

In January 2016 (at pool league) I met the woman who has changed my life for the better in so many ways, and in a way is responsible for my getting back into fishing... This summer I have dropped all of my pool leagues and am spending more and more time with her. She has started to get very jealous of the time I spend on the water, almost every Sunday from now until mid August with a club and a buddy tournament series. I have offered to take her fishing with me, but without a boat of our/my own it is difficult to get the same experience (or pre-fish with her along). How do you guys do it? I love her dearly, but like the song says I love to fish.

I'm 38 years old, my only child is 18, and have not had to answer to another human being about my hobbies (or anything else really) since I moved out of my folks house at 19. We can afford to do things, we just don't seem to have the time anymore. I suddenly have all of my weeknights free, and now it's Sunday mornings that she wants. 

She was married to a man who really was not a partner to her other than sharing the house, she seems scared that I will become the same way. I am at a loss as to how to find a compromise between spending time with the woman I am planning to spend the rest of my life with, and spending time with a line in the water. You guys (I'm sure) have all kinds of experiences with this... Bestow your wisdom upon me 

I know, I try to keep things light and fun, but it's been bugging me lately

[BrianinMD]

What is her hobby, time to be herself?

 

Key is to have together time mixed in, cannot be all one way. I have fishing, wife has horses. We go weeks sometimes hardly seeing each other but make time when we can together. Although married we understand we are still individuals who need to be ourselves. Do not get selfish about it though.

[riverbasser]

Indeed she needs a hobby of her own. My wife used to go with me every weekend but got burnout and now is painting. She still comes sometimes but we don't have any issues since we both have our own hobbies. Just make the time off the water count and every now and then take a weekend when the fishing's tough and do something she likes.

[K_Mac]

Your question is about balance. For quite a few years you've done what you want.  It is clear that competing is important to you. My question is this: Is it the fishing or the competition that you need? Fishing is far easier to find time to enjoy when not committed to a rigid tournament and club schedule. 

 

You've entered a relationship with a woman who has some baggage from her last relationship. You undoubtedly have some of your own. Working through all that is more important than competitive fishing right now in my opinion. Once she knows that she is your first priority, you'll have plenty of time to fish. Good luck.

[RoLo]

Take your wife fishing with you, but not to catch fish but to expose her to the grandeur of nature.

Always tote a camera, teach her how to identify species of trees and flowers, how to identify birds

from their song or call. When I fish with my wife (my #1 fishing partner), there is zero competition.

Although I enjoy cranking fish to the boat, it gives me greater joy when she boats a fish.

 

Roger

[A-Jay]

Internet ‘advice’ is always entertaining – so here’s some that’s probably worth a little less than what you paid for it.

There is a lot said & written about ‘balance’.

Life has a way of always balancing itself out one way or another.

 I believe in this case it may be more about honesty and living in the present.   

 Where is it that you can find peace & happiness?   Is it being with or doing for your partner or doing for yourself ?   In reality, that’s a rhetorical question because you already know what makes you happiest.

We all do.   Next comes the part where two adults are honest about their priorities with each other.

When you’re with the right one, they know what makes you tick and will support you (and vice versa).

Not because anyone needs to, but because they want to – and when that’s actually the real deal – no one is asking anyone about ‘balance’.  

A-Jay

[slonezp]

 

[N Florida Mike]

My wife used to complain about my fishing and other activities. It used to drive me crazy.More than once I said in anger ( to myself of course ) " I'll never fish again " That lasted maybe 2 days and I would get the itch.

The issue wasnt what I was doing,it was what I wasnt doing ( for her). After a lot of soul searching and prayer,I realized I needed to change from just telling her I love her to SHOWING it. I try to put her ahead of myself, and now I fish twice as much and she rarely complains.But it has to be genuine,not just so you can get your way. Best years of our marriage since I finally realized this.

[lo n slo]

my 2 cents

 

if this is a problem now, it ain't gonna get any better. think about it.

 

good luck brother

[RoLo]

52 minutes ago, lo n slo said:

my 2 cents

 

if this is a problem now, it ain't gonna get any better. think about it.

 

good luck brother

 

 

A tad fatalistic wouldn't ya say?

It takes two to Tango.

 

 

 

[flechero]

Just being home 5 days a week doesn't mean that you are really 'present' 5 days a week... 

 

You dropped everything to spend time with her initially and now you are back into a passionate hobby and it's eating quality weekend time.  It's REALLY HARD to make up weekends with weeknights!!  (trust me!)

 

You said she wasn't around when you were competing in pool/bowling all the time previously, so this new fishing kick probably feels like she's taking the backseat to fishing.

[Angry John]

Or you could do something completely off the wall and crazy and have a conversation make plans and work threw things together.  Now i want my hundred bucks for your first three marriage counseling sessions.   

[Oregon Native]

As the saying goes "your not marrying someone to change them to your way's"  Wife and I have over 40 years....this year will be 44 and I'm still no expert.  But I do know giving 100% to the one I love makes life good.  She has maybe fished a half a dozen times with me over the years.  Her passion is golf and now that life has changed a bit we try and golf at least one day a week with each other.  Some times more.  And I fish quite a bit too...

Listening and sharing is caring.

Everyone is different...good luck.

[mllrtm79]

9 hours ago, Angry John said:

have a conversation

It turns out, this is all that was needed (for now). She felt left out of the decision to fish, not the actual fishing. But we did decide that she will go along to a couple of the club tournaments, since my boater has a big G3, and she can lay out and read or whatever while we fish. My boater and her have known each other for years, so it will be a fun time. 

Thanks for the (varied) input, I just needed a sounding board I reckon. 

All this is new to me, but she did put a boat on the short list of things to buy once we get settled into the house... Amazing what a earnest conversation and a bit of compromise will do. I mean, this is the woman who brought me home a soft side camo RTIC 30 a couple of weeks ago, she is an amazing person, I just need some coaching lol 

[mllrtm79]

On a even better note, she just called me. The mortgage modification that she's been waiting on since September got approved yesterday, so we'll be able to keep the house! 

Now it's on to find the next stress lol 

[Columbia Craw]

You answered your own question. Ernest conversation.  It's not about the "fishing" , it's about the time.  My wife and I grocery shop together. That's commitment.

[lonnie g]

communication with each other is the key. and honestly listen. my dad once told me that is why we have 2 ears and one mouth , we are supposed to listen twice as much. do you really understand her ?  does she really understand you? me and my wife have totally different passions, but yet find time for each other and care about each others passion. put her first and if she truly cares about you in the same way she will also put you first. be excited about each other. and a little help from above never hurts. quit worrying I'm sure you will find plenty of time to fish . long story short ,sit down and prioritize things . what truly is most important to you?  best of luck to you and her.

[ww2farmer]

It's pretty simple around my house. 

 

My wife says: "Don't fish when you are supposed to be at work, don't fish when your supposed to be spending time with your kids,  don't fish in the winter since you do it ALL THE TIME in the spring/summer/fall or I will kill you!!"

 

I say: "Yes ma'am"

 

And we live happily ever after.

[XpressJeff]

As stated TALK to one another!

 

I am not sure of your upbringing but there is a great big book that helped me pull my life back together when going through some rough patches  It should be easy to find since it's the most printed book in history.

 

You'll know what to do!