My son is a drug addict.

[Bass Turd]

My 19-year-old son is a drug addict and I just don't understand it. He has now chosen to be homeless and high rather than safe and fed and warm. As a father I am really struggling with this. Is there another father of a drug addict (active or recovered) who can share some thoughts with me?

 

-Danny

[wdp]

This breaks my heart to hear. This has always been one of my biggest fears as a father of two. So far, I've been fortunate, although it looked "iffy" for a little while with one of my kids.

 

Sincerely, know that you and and your family are in my prayers!

[lo n slo]

hang in there brother. my heart goes out to you and your family.

[jr231]

When we say drug addict we are not talking about just pot right.. I'm assuming its not because you said hed rather be homeless..but I've seen crazier things.. if its about something harder than pot he's in serious danger.. cocaine, heroin,meth all lead to prison and death. There is no healthy long term user of any of those drugs... 

Please tell me it's not just pot though. Most drug addicts use pot because it offers them another "high" so it gets an extremely bad reputation.. it is safer than things that are legal.. like alcohol for example. I know this thread is not about that discussion so that's all I'm going to say about that.. 

 

I don't know how it feels to have a child caught up in this . When mine grow up I hope they never do.. 

But most areas in the world have these types of issues.. in school I was caught in a crowd who were doing some of those things.. I have branched away from any of them .. as I have my own family now.. 

 

Intervention is needed. Get the whole family together and tell him how much you love him and don't want to lose him. Send him off to re claim his sobriety. This is the only way. I assure you the angry screaming route will not work. 

 

[A-Jay]

First off Danny, you, your son & family are in our thoughts.

Understanding the power of addiction is important.  The following information may help you understand that your son might not be "Choosing" this path.  Not an excuse but more in the way of mitigating circumstances.

A-Jay

 

Understanding the power of addiction

If a loved one suffers from alcoholism or addiction, you may wonder why the person can't or won't stop using a substance that has such negative and dangerous consequences.

Chances are the ability to stop abusing the substance is no longer within his or her control.

People who develop drug addictions or alcoholism almost always begin with occasional use or experimentation.

With continued use, brain structure and function are altered, and they depend on the drug not simply to feel good, but to feel normal. For these individuals, using drugs or alcohol is no longer a choice.

When addicted, the drug user will do just about anything to obtain the drug. The drug becomes the most important part of the person's life, overshadowing any other aspect.

Research over the last decade reveals that addictive drugs and alcohol alter the function of the brain and the way cells work. As a result, normal thought processes, memory, and emotions are fundamentally affected and changed permanently.

The person with addiction appears to risk his or her own survival to use the drug. Because the emotional and physical "need" to drink or use drugs becomes stronger than any natural drives, like that for food or sex, the overpowering drive to drink or use drugs becomes an involuntary one.

Desire always there

When the brain has experienced these changes, the desires created will always be there.

The changes in brain structure, function, and memory that develop in addition are long-lasting, and some may be permanent. There is always potential to rekindle addictive behaviors if a person drinks or uses drugs again. That's why addiction is considered a chronic illness that has to be managed for the remainder of a person's life.

Recovery is a lifelong process to avoid triggers, significant stress, and any use of addictive substances.

[Bass Turd]

Thanks guys. It is not just pot. It is everything. Meth, cocaine, opioids, alcohol, prescription pills etc... We have tried everything. Interventions, pleading, yelling, bargaining and even bribing. My family and I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on everything from therapists to wilderness programs to rehabs. It all boils down to this one simple statement... He will not stop until HE wants to stop. I have a front row seat to someone's total and complete self destruction in full living color. I was adopted at birth and this is my only blood relative I know of on this earth. 

 

I just want to find another father who is or has lived this nightmare. 

[N Florida Mike]

Sorry to hear that.My daughter has had drug addictions for years.I have prayed and kept loving her even though.

She is slowly getting better.With her,the successes have come slowly over a long period of time instead of all at once.

Enabling can be a problem.If they can stay home and have all their needs met and remain an addict then they usually will .

Without sounding like I'm preaching,I recommend the Lord.He knows and cares.He is making the difference for my daughter and me and I'll be praying for your son and you.Whats his name?

 

 

 

[Bass Turd]

Big Mike, His name is Garrett. I have faith and I believe in the power of prayer. I learned a little prayer many years ago as I am no stranger to tragedy. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." While I believe it is in God's hands and He will take care of everything I am so afraid His answers won't be what I want or need. I don't understand why he allows me, a believer, to suffer so much. Garrett's mother, my high school sweetheart, died of cancer *** years ago. Garrett was five at the time. We were married for *** years and dated for five before that. She was 33 years old. She made me promise to take care of him and I promised I would. I have failed. 

[bholtzinger14]

Man, this was hard to read. You nailed it on the head when you said, " He will not stop until HE wants to stop".  

 

This does not mean you have failed. We all make our own decisions in life.   

[N Florida Mike]

I fight the battle every day of blaming myself but I did make mistakes and I take responsibility for it,but she also made a lot of bad choices ,but she mostly sees it my way now.I try to give it to Him when I  get burdened by it.You also have an enemy that will try every day to load you will guilt.It doesn't help and is not productive to blame yourself.

I'll be praying for Garrett and you.Please let me know if I can help and keep me posted.Feel free to send me a pm if you want.

Mike

[jr231]

No matter what you do, or how this turns out.. do not blame yourself. 

[Bass Turd]

6 minutes ago, Yeajray231 said:

No matter what you do, or how this turns out.. do not blame yourself. 

 

No offense intended, but that is so easy to say when it is not your child.

[jr231]

None taken.. and I know you're right.. 

 

But... you and I both know people make their own decisions. You know you didn't do everything the way your dad wanted you to.. when people get to that certain age they don't want to be told what to do or how to live anymore. They think they know best... they want to live the way they want to live. It is their life. And although this is horrible, it is not your fault sir. 

 

 

[Darren.]

One of my wife's brothers...a bitter addict. Very sad situation.

 

Sorry, @Bass Turd for your struggles, you are definitely not
alone. Even so, I can't imagine your pain with it being your son.

I grew up a PK "Pastor's Kid" and saw a number of drug addicts

grace our doorways, one or two made it, the rest ... no idea.

 

Grace to you and your son. I wish I had more and better things
to say, but I don't. And for that I'm sorry, no words will take the
pain away....

[jr231]

Other than intervention , pleading from your family... I'm not sure what can help. That's the best thing. Sobriety, whatever it takes.. I hope the best for you and your family. 

[Tracker22]

There is hope. I have a nephew that was doing the same stuff. Spent time in jail and recovery. He will always struggle because of it, but he has been clean and productive for ten years now. I believe the thing that saved him was that my parents (his grandparents) never gave up on him. And their strong Christian faith kept them from folding under the hardships.

[chadmack282]

just b there when he asks for help, only he can changes his situation.  i spent about  10years 

on that same path & now have had about 15years on a much better path!

[bassguytom]

You are in my prayers. It's time for tough love. No matter what you do don't stop. I will say this again. No matter what you do don't stop. It is time to save his life. If you need to go to the court and have him committed because he is over 18 or if you need to round up some of your buddies and drive out and find him to bring him home and sit on him for days until he is over the withdraw. One bad dose and he is dead. If he is heavily addicted he will not stop on his own. His only goal is to find his next high at any cost. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I just wanted to state some facts to you. I am the father of a recovering  heroin addict.  I spent the sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do. I asked for help from the police and addiction specialist. It wasn't until I woke up one day and hunted him down that things started to change. It ended very badly for my son's friends and their family's. This same addition issue is played out all over the country. It knows no barriers, social status, or upbringing. My son fought his battle and won. I had no idea what I was doing and was scared but I did it. I wish you and your son well and no matter what anyone tells you don't stop. Feel free to pm me if you would like my number I will be glad to help you in any way I am able. 

[Bluebasser86]

I lost my 2 best friends growing up to drugs. One died of an overdose, the other was dealing and had a deal go bad, guy shot him in the face and left him. It's horrible to see someone you care about in the grips of addiction. I hope your son decides he wants to get help.

[TnRiver46]

1 hour ago, Bass Turd said:

Big Mike, His name is Garrett. I have faith and I believe in the power of prayer. I learned a little prayer many years ago as I am no stranger to tragedy. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." While I believe it is in God's hands and He will take care of everything I am so afraid His answers won't be what I want or need. I don't understand why he allows me, a believer, to suffer so much. Garrett's mother, my high school sweetheart, died of cancer *** years ago. Garrett was five at the time. We were married for *** years and dated for five before that. She was 33 years old. She made me promise to take care of him and I promised I would. I have failed. 

It is written that we will all suffer and be persecuted for our beliefs. Keep the faith, we are praying 

[lo n slo]

this is not your fault brother. i know people who have raised their kids in a loving home, this kid grows up with no problems, that kid has problems. how did this happen? same rules, same love, same everything. there is no rhyme or reason. you do the best you can, then they become independent minded, and it is up to them to live their own lives. you said it earlier. the choice is his to make. all the money, rehab, or enabling wont change a thing til HE says so. when you get to the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on. God bless you

[Redlinerobert]

So sorry to hear this.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.   I hope he sees the light soon.

[Oregon Native]

Lifting

[je1946]

I feel for you sir.  I too have a son who is an addict.  Started with an addiction to opioids after an accident he had in which he broke his wrist, he was 17yrs old then.  My ex and I always thought he was doing pot, and although we didn't like fact of him doing weed we just dealt with it.  Took many yrs for us to realize the problem was much worse. At 31 yrs old and after a break up with a long time girlfriend and upon moving in with his mom did the severity of the problem come to full light.  While my ex wife was putting some of his clothes away she discovered needles and small packets.  That was 2 yrs ago.  When we confronted him with the evidence, he had no choice but to admit to it and after a few days he agreed to check into a detox.  Checked himself out after a few days, came back home and appeared to be OK, attending meetings, accompanied with myself and or his mom.  We were fooled again.  We again discovered needles in his room, and couldn't get up and go to work.  With this getting  progressively worse we went to the courts and had him sectioned as a danger to himself.  They put him away for a month.  Over the course of the last yr he has met another girl that he loves, they have moved into an apartment together. She too had an addiction problem, hers was alcohol.  On the surface they appear to be very happy together.  I know for a FACT my son has had a couple of stumbles along the way, but he has managed to pick himself up and dust himself off and get back on track.  This girl, his work, along with a loving family and good friends are his salvation, but when I know he is dabbeling in something I never sugar coat it, and make it known that I know.  He is now 33 yrs old,  I'm in frequent contact with him  and I know at times it annoys him, but I tell him I love him, and I'm his Dad and always will be, and it is my job as a parent.  He has thanked his mom and I a number of times for sectioning him, and acknowledges that everyday is a struggle.  All we can do as parents is hold them near, love them, laugh and cry together, and let them know you're there anytime day or night.  I pray for you and your son and wish you all the very best.

[Jaderose]

There is nothing you can do other than to continue to love him.  I am an alcoholic/drug addict.  Been clean and sober for 14 years.  There wasn't a person on this planet that could have gotten me sober.  I had to do it myself with the help of OTHER alkys/drug addicts.  I had to decide whether to be a person that wasn't going to live very long and die in the gutter or be a Father/Productive member of society.  I chose well.  Some don't.  Getting sober was by far the hardest thing I've ever done but holy moly was it worth it.  There is NOTHING you can do to convince him to get clean.  Stop trying.  Doesn't mean you should stop loving him, it just means don't bug him, don't enable him, don't "help" him if he doesn't want it.  If the addiction feels threatened by you, he will cut you out of his life.What I am telling you is a very hard thing to do but you have to cut him loose.  Hopefully he will hit bottom and that bottom doesn't kill him.  It sounds very harsh but that's the way it is.  I've known a lot of people that only stopped at death.  I've also known MORE people that hit bottom and then stopped digging that hole and found their way into the light.  and that light is a glorious place to be.  Now if I can only find a bait monkey 12 step program.  I wish you luck and peace