Seeking advice from my elders

[MikeWright]

Well about 40 simmod days ago me and my girlfriend split up and she moved into her parents house. That's fine, plenty of fish and if she isn't the one then she isn't the one. Unfortunately, this is the mother of my daughter. Since splitting up I've had...let's politely say difficult time...trying to see babygirl. She's made it clear to me that we won't be making our house a home anymore and blah blah, I accept that..but let me see my daughter. I know I have rights, but law enforcement has informed me that what the mother says, goes. At this point I'm willing to place myself on child support voluntarily. I'm gonna take care of her whether me and her mother are together or not, so either way you look at it, the support will come in both situations regardless. Do I take this step? This is the only way I can guarantee my rights to see her. I feel as if, doing this will secure the opportunity for me to have a relationship with babygirl....what do yall think? Any opinions? 

[S. Sass]

Lawyer up. You need to be on top of things first legally. Playing from ahead seems to work better than playing from behind. 

Once you pick your lawyer do exactly as he/she says. It's always better to be on the same page as your lawyer. 

Also it use to be that the woman pretty much had a cake walk in these cases. Not so much any more. 

Good luck.

Oh don't send her a dime that you don't have a record of exactly what it was for etc.

[Scott F]

About the only choice you have is to get a lawyer. 

[Gundog]

I agree with both responses you got. Get a good lawyer, probably you know someone (we all know someone) who was or is in the same situation. Ask friends and family for a recommendation. All money transactions should be done in check form with a note as to why. It will lessen the back child support you will have to pay once a judge decides what you should pay. Good luck with everything.

[NorcalBassin]

Sorry to hear what you are going through, but fortunately it sounds like you're in the right mindset of keeping your daughter and her future with you as your top priority. I'd also agree with getting a lawyer to help set up your long term plans, and doing that now will save you a lot of headaches down the road. Best of luck with everything... you're on the right path already.

[Bluebasser86]

Like the others said, get a lawyer and do exactly what they say to do/not do. 

You're working from behind the 8 ball in this case simply because you're a male and today's society gives the mom the benefit of the doubt on who is the more fit parent. The fastest way to lose contact with your daughter is to prove that notion correct by doing something foolish. 

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard this story; 

Boyfriend and Girlfriend have a kid and end up splitting. BF wants to see baby and GF isn't having it. BF decides it's his kid too and he has rights so he goes over anyways. GF calls the police and now he's telling me his story in a striped suit. Or even worse, GF says he can come over, then when BF gets there, GF calls police and makes up a story and gets him arrested. Now BF has a record and GF has a ton of leverage against him in the custody case and it's all on hearsay.

I'm sorry about your situation, and you certainly have a potentially rocky road ahead of you. Tread lightly, and carefully follow all advice your lawyer gives you. I hope you are able to work everything out and keep things civil if for no other reason than your daughter is able to have both her parents in her life. 

[MikeWright]

Thanks guys, got a 12 hour shift ahead of me...hopefully it doesn't rack my brain all day. I appreciate the responses and the support.

6 hours ago, Gundog said:

I agree with both responses you got. Get a good lawyer, probably you know someone (we all know someone) who was or is in the same situation. Ask friends and family for a recommendation. All money transactions should be done in check form with a note as to why. It will lessen the back child support you will have to pay once a judge decides what you should pay. Good luck with everything.

Well my daughter has been in my care since she was born only until this past month, wouldn't that eliminate back child support? And I only have receipts for this past month...never did I think I would have to save receipts because of this type of situation. I guess these would all be questions for the lawyer...well alright...time to drink my coffee and hit the road!!

[Advantage]

8 hours ago, MikeWright said:

Well about 40 simmod days ago me and my girlfriend split up and she moved into her parents house. That's fine, plenty of fish and if she isn't the one then she isn't the one. Unfortunately, this is the mother of my daughter. Since splitting up I've had...let's politely say difficult time...trying to see babygirl. She's made it clear to me that we won't be making our house a home anymore and blah blah, I accept that..but let me see my daughter. I know I have rights, but law enforcement has informed me that what the mother says, goes. At this point I'm willing to place myself on child support voluntarily. I'm gonna take care of her whether me and her mother are together or not, so either way you look at it, the support will come in both situations regardless. Do I take this step? This is the only way I can guarantee my rights to see her. I feel as if, doing this will secure the opportunity for me to have a relationship with babygirl....what do yall think? Any opinions? 

DADS AMERICA - Resources
http://www.dadsamerica.org/resource.htm
 

Don't know what state you're in but here is a link that should cover just about every state. Do some more research of your own too. 

[Columbia Craw]

Be prepared for this:

 

Family law IS gender bias.

Family law is AN INDUSTRY and your Attorney will bill you  in six minute increments at an average of $21.50 per increment.

The attorney will string the process out as long as they can.

Stay out of court but, if the mother files a motion for a parenting plan, do not try and represent yourself Pro Se. You'll regret it.

Be prepared to spend three to ten grand right off the bat.

If the mother enters a motion for a temporary parenting plan and requests a guardian at litem, (GAL) research that person's back ground  as there have been GAL's that actually were employed by the a mother's attorney's law firm.  You have 30 days to file for impeachment if the GAL  looks suspect.

If you are assigned a GAL, they will conduct an " investigation" and get well paid for it and you will see a substantial portion of that fee.  Your personal life will be an open book. The truth will mean little and context means nothing to some GAL's.  I have read GAL reports that were an abomination as an objective investigation. 

A GAL report will most likely have recommendations for the  parenting plan attached. Be prepared for a gender bias report. The recommendations will be from a template and only modified.

Family law judges are often pro tem, commissioners and or family law attorneys themselves.  The good old boy relationships are very real. Pick your attorney carefully. Father's attempting to speak in court are often cut off at the knees by the "judge."

Your attorney will give you directives and advice in serving motions. Any legitimate attorney will have motions and accompanying paperwork served by a paid server. Don't serve paperwork or be present at a service. Remain above reproach.

Try and come to a quick and equitable resolution outside of trial. 

The process will drain you emotionally, physically and financially.  

This information is not all inclusive. It's complex. Do not expect fairness.

Now:

Unless a Court has entered an Order limiting your parental rights.... You have exactly 50% of all parental rights and rights to custody of your child.  Police cannot enforce civil Orders such as parenting plans or custody disputes outside of a valid Order denying your right to custody.  Violations require a contempt motion. Orders such as Restraining Orders or No Contact Orders will have a criminal legend and violation can result in an/your arrest.

Find someone you trust that has experienced this process and listen to them.  Do your research well in advance.

Document everything. Document everything. Document everything. Be patient and keep your calm. Don't allow resentment toward anyone effect your love for your daughter.  AVOID social media going forward. 

 

I am not attorney.  This is not legal advice, just a warning. Each state has their own constitution and may trump some of what I shared with you. I hope your situation will not get ugly.  Some get very very ugly.  Good luck young man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[T-Rick]

My sister recently went through this so I have some experience from her from the opposite side. Also, as the father of three girls, I wanted to share some thoughts to which you may find helpful.

You are getting some excellent advice and resources to review.  In addition to getting a lawyer, also remember to stay squeaky clean.  Keep your job, no drugs or alcohol, and certainly no arrests or brushes with the law.  Also, don't hang out in places that endanger one of the above.  Losing your GF is difficult and it will be easy to start hanging out in bars or night clubs until late hours looking for a new mate.  Don't let this happen as she could use these things against you, if need be.  Nothing wrong with finding a new GF but remember your daughter comes first right now and she is the one you don't want to lose.

All of this boils down to showing you are a very devoted and competent father.  In addition, keep your home clean and child-ready.  Keep those receipts too.  I recall my sister using ... He doesn't have anything for the baby at his house. No crib, bouncer, diapers, and so on down the list.  Start getting these things.  You don't even have to buy them new.  Get hand-me-downs or used stuff.  Just make sure it is clean and child friendly and ready (take pictures with dates).  This is another way of showing you are ready to accept responsibility for your child and ready to meet her needs.

Good luck and remember that your daughter needs you now and forever.  If you don't agree upon custody arrangements, it can be a lengthy ordeal so you need to be prepared for the long, expensive process.  It is worth it and is in your daughter's and your GF's best interest to have a loving, dedicated father who puts his daughter first. I'm happy to hear this is your desire.

[deaknh03]

If none of this works, I know a guy named Vinny..

[clayton86]

Man deak beat me to it. Lawyer or hit man the only two options 

[whitwolf]

I really can't add much to the above but a few things I want to reinforce. Get a lawyer, listen to them(I didn't) stay away from situations that can be used against you, and most of all be the best father you can be. Period.

[MikeWright]

Everything is going fine over here now...not with one girl but me and my daughter are happy together...I've gotten the opportunity to spend more time with her...just hope it stays this way 

[Buckeye Ron]

What a precious baby girl! Do all you can to keep her in your life. You do NOT want to find yourself growing old and your kids wanting nothing to do with you...

[deaknh03]

That's great that you can see your little girl. Next time you get her, move to France. Good luck.

[new2BC4bass]

I hope it continues to work out for you.  I'd still see a lawyer just to cover your butt.  Experience has taught me that.  Now if she was a teenager, you might want to pay your ex-girlfriend to take her.    Beautiful babies grow up and sometimes (thank God not all the time) get to be a pain in our you know what.  Also...thankfully...they usually outgrow that phase.  Enjoy her now.  Time flies and the next thing you know she will want to be spending her time with friends...and boys.  Little time for Dad then.

 

[timsford]

Definitely go see a lawyer and get visitation rights put in place. It's different on a state to state basis but where my son was born in ga, the father is responsible for hiring their own lawyer and suing for visitation. The state or mother can order child support but that court date and order doesn't cover visitation. I made the mistake of giving my ex money orders and checks and writing for child support in the subject line. Ga doesn't recognize this as support. She and i sat down and write out a contract between us that i would pay x amount and get to get him every other weekend. I gave her money for 2 years with no visits because she always had an excuseMy son and her lived with me until he was 3. Because I never kept receipts when we were together she lied and said she hadn't lived with me so I was ordered to pay back pay from when he was born. I really wish I had hired a lawyer from the start. Now I have a 6 year old stepson and 2 1/2 year old twin girls and I'm paying back child support to my ex and taking away from the 3 that live with me full time. It isn't the child support and if he needed anything I'd buy it also, it's the fact that I'm basically paying her to have lived with me free while I paid everything then

[MikeWright]

@timsford Brother....I put myself on child support....which in Texas automatically gives me my visitation rights...unless I was a criminal or what not...I'm sorry for your case...very sorry I couldn't imagine that...but I could imagine this measly 400 a month to this lady to see my daughter!!!! No amount in the world could keep me from her!!!

Like....if I was rocky...she'd be the road...if I were to take her spot as the road...she'd be my bricks of gold...

[timsford]

@MikeWright I'm so glad for you that you get to see your daughter. I wish Georgia did that like texas. It does not though. I live in Tennessee now and their laws are like texas, in that I'd you pay child support you get visitation rights. I volunteered to pay child support, then the state said even though I was paying it that I had to hire my lawyer to petition for visitation. So I had to pay out a lot more money to lawyers and courts that could have went to my son. I got it all straightened out now, but that's definitely a section of the law code that needs some revision

[MikeWright]

Honestly. I just got a 6 dollars raise with my promotion so child support doesn't bother me at all, it didn't before but the fact I got my promotion around this same time...it really doesn't bother me now. What doesn't bother me as well is my visitation. I love that I can see.my daughter again. What does bother me is the family aspect...I just wish we could've got along to make it work...I miss my girl so much....I tried to tell myself I wouldn't and didn't but fact is...I love her. It's just not the same anymore without the family together. Don't get me wrong, it's awesome having my daughter around now....just wish I had the whole pie....I love my girls....

Ahhhhh life....oh well...I'll be a better man out of it all right?...guess it means more fishing to keep my mind from wandering....tight lines guys

Oh btw....caught this little guy the other day...not big...but as a bank fisher I was very pleased

[dwh4784]

Sounds like things are now going OK, and you've received some great advice already. I would add to screenshot and save ANY AND EVERY text the ex sends you regarding parenting intentions. Your first post eluded to the fact that she was going to keep your daughter from you. You need to have any reference to her "threats" of those kinds of things and the context for any future court proceedings, even if they never (hopefully) take place. You have to protect yourself, and for a long time or risk being blindsided and unprepared.

[MikeWright]

Great advice like the others...but hopefully we can come back together and live a good ole life...things are going pretty good and I'd like for my girls to both be around to enjoy what I've accomplished because of them...well not because of them but they were the main drive that kept me going...I don't know...day by day...until then...I'll have to sleep on it

[MikeWright]

Well, have court on wednesday...hopefully it goes well...wish me luck guys

[lo n slo]

you got it man