Messing With Telemarketers

[Sam]

I came across an article titled “How to Screw with Telemarketers” and thought it would be fun to share the information with you.

 

I say something else to them that I will not share with you on this “family site.” However, the five following suggestions are funny and you may want to try one or two in the future. Here they are:

 

Holy Roller

Ask him if he has accepted the Lord Jesus into his heart. Ask him to get on his knees and pray with you. Keep repeating “Hallelujah.”

 

Secret Agent Man

Ask repeatedly if the conversation is being recorded. Claim that the CIA has been listening in ever since you got back from “the operation in Grenada.”  Neither confirm nor deny any of the information he may have obtained.

 

Tourete’s Sufferer

Act interested in whatever he has to offer – but stutter and say anything you want no matter what it is about.  Explain that you have a neurological disease and that you can’t control what comes out of your mouth.

 

Coffee Disaster

Interrupt his pitch with a piercing scream.  Howl that you just spilled hot coffee on your balls. Act as if you have to run to the bathroom and put cold water on the spot.

 

Say What?

Explain that you’ve just returned from a Limp Bzkit concert and your hearing is shot. Ask him to speak louder and louder and louder. Make him keep starting his pitch from the top.

 

Other than for the one I can’t tell you about I love the Secret Agent Man. It works and you can change your voice and make it sound like you are crazy.

 

You have any others you want to add?  Be my guest.

 

 

[RSM789]

I have a few:

 

Deceased

When they ask for me, I start to stammer and say "he was killed last night in an automobile accident".  Depending on their response, I may then get irate, asking if they think it is cool calling for a dead man.

 

 

Down Syndrome

I carry on a conversation with them as if I am mentally retarded, which some days is not too far from the truth.  The best thing to do is start yelling into the phone "Did I win?? Did I win??  Momma come here, I won a prize".

 

 

Credit Card

When they ask for me, I'll respond "Yes he is here.  May I have your credit card number please?".  That is usually met with silence, followed by "Wha..What?".  I continue "The person you want to speak with is a phone sex operator, so to speak to him, we will need your credit card.  it is only $9.95 for 5 minutes & he is really good".

 

 

One Moment

Say that you are really interested, can they hold on for a moment.  Set the phone down & go away for a few minutes.  Check back with them & if they are still there, tell them just a few moments, please hold on.  See how long they will wait.

 

 

This was the best one I ever heard - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIVfrBFc5og

[desmobob]

 

 

 

This was the best one I ever heard - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIVfrBFc5og

 

That has always been one of my favorite gags of all times.  He did a fantastic job.  :-) 

 

Those of you who haven't heard the "Tom Mabe" phone call should check it out.

 

Tight lines,

Bob

[SirSnookalot]

Being on the no call list unsolicited telemarketing calls are subject to a fine, there are exceptions as such as polling. Been guilty in the past of being rude to some of them, a practice I gave up.  These people are merely making phone calls on behalf of a company, they are not high paid and can be representing a reputable company.  Doing a lot of cold canvassing early in my career and having both phones and doors slammed on me isn't fun, I'm somewhat sympathetic but do agree the calls can be annoying.

I did draw the line on boiler rooms, quite popular back in the 90's during the .com era, they were pure scams.  I did my best to keep these people on the phone for an hour just so they could make less calls.

[RAMBLER]

There was a place and time where a woman kept calling and would not stop even though I told her to put me on her no call list.  One ornery day, she called and I told her that I thought prostitution was a far more honorable profession.  She hung up and never called again.

[buzzed bait]

i have to say that acting disabled, acting as though you have a mental disability, acting as though you have a neurological disorder, etc. are lamer than the calls.  grow a pair, tell them no thanks and end the call.  these are people just doing a job that they need in order to pay the bills.  

[*Hootie]

I just tell them the truth. The only thing I buy on the phone is pizza. Even then, I make the call.

Hootie

[mrmacwvu1]

If I had nothing to do back in the day I would just grab some beer from the fridge and see how long I could keep them on the phone so they were not bugging other people. I always made them hang up on. Hell I would just start talking about my problems at school with the wife. Some were actually cool with and they hated their job so we would just shoot the **** for hours.

[Munkin]

i have to say that acting disabled, acting as though you have a mental disability, acting as though you have a neurological disorder, etc. are lamer than the calls.  grow a pair, tell them no thanks and end the call.  these are people just doing a job that they need in order to pay the bills.  

 

There are a lot of other jobs out there that do not require bothering me at home.

 

Allen

[cyclops2]

It is  HARRASSMENT  !!   BEGGING without a license.  Thank your American business politicans for it. I lay the phone down . Or let the auto answer read out the callers number.

[RSM789]

i have to say that acting disabled, acting as though you have a mental disability, acting as though you have a neurological disorder, etc. are lamer than the calls.  grow a pair, tell them no thanks and end the call.  these are people just doing a job that they need in order to pay the bills.

I would suggest that defending telemarketers is the lamest.

I have never asked these people to call me, they are breaking the law by calling me because I am on the do not call list (which they ignore). They are unreasonable, rude people and the only way to effectively deal with them is to be more unreasonable & ruder.

A mafia hitman is just doing a job to pay his bills, that does not justify his actions. They choose their job & choose to continue to do it. They are the ones who need to grow a pair & change professions.

[Long Mike]

One of the advantages of caller ID is that you immediately know if it is a legitimate call or a come-on.  When I see a number I don't recognize, I answer it immediately, and immediately hang-up without saying a word.  The telemarketer simply moves on to try to rope-in the next sucker.

[Bluebasser86]

Tell your kid that it's their favorite cartoon character on the phone that wants to talk to them. Hand them the phone and watch the magic begin! 

[SirSnookalot]

Can't remember the last time a sales telemarketer called.  In Florida the fine can be up to $11000, very few companies are going to risk that.  There are legal exemptions to the Do not call registry. 

https://www.fldnc.com/About.aspx, 

[Sam]

RAM, many of the telemarketers have criminal backgrounds.

 

My niece in Pennsylvania has a drug record and is on probation.

 

She could no get any other job other than telemarketing as they will hire just about anyone, like the home cleaning business.

 

But she is too fat and lazy to clean houses so she gets her minimum wage and so far is clean.

 

Just remember who you are giving your financial information to on the phone - a total stranger who is probably on parole.

 

A word to the wise.......

[buzzed bait]

a lot of mightier than thou going on here.....   hopefully you guys never find yourselves out of work to the point you need to "cold call" on anyone.  but if you do, and you end up calling me, you can rest assured i'll be the respectful one to decline and hang up the phone.

[RSM789]

Actually, the phrase is "holier than thou".

 

Why would you be respectful to someone who is not respectful to you?  Manners & etiquette are an important part of society, but being courteous to telemarketers who have no respect for you or your privacy is like holding open the door to the preschool for a pedophile. 

 

Cold calling is one thing.  Repeated hounding of people who have requested not to be called is another.

 

By chance, have you ever experienced the "magazine sales" ghetto kids that they bus into middle class neighborhoods who try to sell using guilt?

[*Hootie]

By chance, have you ever experienced the "magazine sales" ghetto kids that they bus into middle class neighborhoods who try to sell using guilt?

Many years ago, I used to be one of those "ghetto" kids. We weren't bussed in. We were driven in our bosses car to the middle class neighborhood. We had our standard, everyone says the same thing sales pitch. Guilt tactics were not used or suggested. We were just a few "ghetto" kids trying to make a little spending money on Saturday and after school. According to the stories I see on the news these days, spending money is acquired by completely different methods now.

Hootie

[fish-fighting-illini]

I've tried a couple of different shenanigans with the telemarketers.

 

I did one after another comedian from Bob & Tom. I did a short version of the "do you know how to get blood out of a carpet".

I kept that one going for a while.

 

Another one I kept busy trying to sell them "Amway products" I'm not an Amway distrib nor do I use them. I just made it up as I went.

I almost sold perfume to the woman on the phone. I kept that one going for quite a while as well.

 

As far as the respect thing, at one point in time there was a place for it. Presently if you are on the do not call list it is ILLEGAL!

Sure they are just trying to make a buck but it is AGANST THE LAW = end of story.

Things change they are no longer the same its time to make a new way of making a desperate honest buck.

 

The other issue is the "call masking ones" such as "Rachael from card services". They are from offshore and use software that disguises their true phone#.

The government has been after them for years but is never going to catch them as it is virtually impossible to trace.

[fishinfiend]

I like to play the opening scene of full metal jacket or play porn loudly

[RSM789]

Many years ago, I used to be one of those "ghetto" kids. We weren't bussed in...

 

That sounds completely different than what happens now.  Every couple of months, a full sized van will pull into the entrance to our neighborhood (300 plus homes in total) and out comes about five or six kids.  The spiel begins when you open the door & the kid says "Don't be scared, I'm not here to rob you, I'm selling magazine subscriptions".  The story is that they are trying to win a contest and hope to one day be as successful as you (the person who answered the door) and own a home.  Many subtle & not so subtle hints about the difference in race and income level are mentioned, an attempt to create guilt.  Where they really differ from kids selling Girl Scout cookies or Helen Grace Easter eggs is when you say no thank you.  Instead of thanking you for your time, the response often is either you get called a racial slur or you are accused of only saying no because you are racist.  Real classy enterprise, teaching young men & women how to use the race card to get what they want.

 

My wife has confirmed with about a dozen neighbors that they experienced the same treatment, so I believe the teens are definitely coached to act that way.

[SirSnookalot]

a lot of mightier than thou going on here.....   hopefully you guys never find yourselves out of work to the point you need to "cold call" on anyone.  but if you do, and you end up calling me, you can rest assured i'll be the respectful one to decline and hang up the phone.

This is the attitude I try to maintain, but don't really get those types of calls anymore due mainly because of the fines.  We do get calls that are legal like charitable contributions.  It's widely known that many (not all) of these calls are initiated not by the charity but a fund raising company, a portion of the donation goes towards "administration costs".  Not being rude to the caller I simply say I make my donations direct.

 

Back in the day cold calling was an accepted method to create a client base.  I spent several years in the real estate business cold canvassing using Bressers or Polk directory.  People that weren't interested politely said no while there always people that did want to discuss their property.  That can't be done anymore.

 

Even though we have no solicitation signs posted in the community, on occasion neatly dressed people will knock at the door trying to promote their faith by handing out pamphlets.  Not being interested in proselytization in any form, but still see no reason to be discourteous, a simply "no thank you" works fine.

[Maxximus Redneckus]

That sounds completely different than what happens now. Every couple of months, a full sized van will pull into the entrance to our neighborhood (300 plus homes in total) and out comes about five or six kids. The spiel begins when you open the door & the kid says "Don't be scared, I'm not here to rob you, I'm selling magazine subscriptions". The story is that they are trying to win a contest and hope to one day be as successful as you (the person who answered the door) and own a home. Many subtle & not so subtle hints about the difference in race and income level are mentioned, an attempt to create guilt. Where they really differ from kids selling Girl Scout cookies or Helen Grace Easter eggs is when you say no thank you. Instead of thanking you for your time, the response often is either you get called a racial slur or you are accused of only saying no because you are racist. Real classy enterprise, teaching young men & women how to use the race card to get what they want.

My wife has confirmed with about a dozen neighbors that they experienced the same treatment, so I believe the teens are definitely coached to act that way.

Was Al in that van????

[Maxximus Redneckus]

Back in the day wasnt so bad you could tell them politely to not call back and they wouldn't.Now its pure disrespect You fight fire with fire.I for one would rather Be hated for who i am,then loved for who i aint,.not that love or hate has anything to do with strangers on the phone.its just i go hard 100% to eliminate any issues in life large or small

[RSM789]

Was Al in that van????

 

I'm not sure, I thought Al's van had a "Free Candy" sign on the side of it.