Step Children

[ww2farmer]

I am starting to see a pattern here...........................................   God bless you brother for your service to the country, but it seems, by your own posts, that your life is always in turmoil with constant drama.

[tomustang]

and thinks she should have had another kid so he wasn't so spoiled. I told her she would have had two rotten kids then lol.

That mentality is a huge red flag, I bet she thinks that way with a lot of other subjects too.

[clayton86]

I am starting to see a pattern here........................................... God bless you brother for your service to the country, but it seems, by your own posts, that your life is always in turmoil with constant drama.

It's that crazy magnet lol.

Honestly it's been much better my ex wife drama is all hers we only talk on Wednesday when I get paid that's it. What she does is her business I don't get involved. The gf doesn't cause any drama and loves to fish her son is just a little brat.

[tomustang]

What are you waiting for, keep calling the cops/social services on your ex about the drug use and abandonment and get parental rights corrected!

[clayton86]

Paper work is filed and turned in

[gulfcaptain]

I can tell you what the cost of my piece of mind with my ex was concerning custody issues.....$6000, best money EVER spent in lawyer fees.  It's great when they call and yell and you say, "I'm sorry, if you want to discuss this go ahead and call my lawyer".  And from a fathers side, we always seem to get the short end of the stick even when we are the ones stepping up to take care of our childern.

[Ratherbfishing]

Why don't you just poke yourself in the eyes with the glowing end of a burning stick?  You CAN find a situation better than this one and until such time as you do, you're better off being single.

[Fishes in trees]

Allow me to come at this from a different perspective.  I'm a geezer now, and my dad has been dead for 30 years now.  I got spankings/whippings/beatings (call it what you will or whatever you want to ) from time to time.  I remember the first time I lost some respect for my dad was a time when I took some corporal punishment for some alleged misdeed and he didn't bother to get my side of what happened first.  I remember that I was a cub scout at the time, I knew my way around the library, and I did some research on how to get back at someone who was bigger/ stronger/ older/ richer than you were.  Believe me, I had options in the early 60's, but my dad sobered up for a while and didn't beat me for that particular offense again.  

 

I'm not a judge of your parenting style, I'd just point out that throughout history, ruling through fear has never had long term positive outcomes.  It does solve short term problems and if you are ok with that, then ok.

 

You are an adult - allegedly - with X many years of life experience.  That child has fewer years of life experience.  If you can't figure out a way to bring out desired behavior outcomes from a child without pounding, spanking, whipping, beating, call it what you will,  on them, what does that say about you?  By the way, that is a totally fair question.  One of the first rules of politics, (and all family relationships can be considered politics) is that you can catch more flies with honey.

 

Just something for you to consider before you bust out with a knee-jerk "I ought to bust that Kid" and then realize that you can't/shouldn't  and then the resentment over what you can't/shouldn't do festers.

[deaknh03]

Allow me to come at this from a different perspective.  I'm a geezer now, and my dad has been dead for 30 years now.  I got spankings/whippings/beatings (call it what you will or whatever you want to ) from time to time.  I remember the first time I lost some respect for my dad was a time when I took some corporal punishment for some alleged misdeed and he didn't bother to get my side of what happened first.

 

I'm not a judge of your parenting style, I'd just point out that throughout history, ruling through fear has never had long term positive outcomes.  It does solve short term problems and if you are ok with that, then ok.

 

You are an adult - allegedly - with X many years of life experience.  That child has fewer years of life experience.  If you can't figure out a way to bring out desired behavior outcomes from a child without pounding, spanking, whipping, beating, call it what you will,  on them, what does that say about you?  By the way, that is a totally fair question.  One of the first rules of politics, (and all family relationships can be considered politics) is that you can catch more flies with honey.

 

Just something for you to consider before you bust out with a knee-jerk "I ought to bust that Kid" and then realize that you can't/shouldn't  and then the resentment over what you can't/shouldn't do festers.

 

while i do agree with almost everything you said, there are times when a spanking is in order. When you touch a hot stove it hurts, but you never do that again.

[gardnerjigman]

while i do agree with almost everything you said, there are times when a spanking is in order. When you touch a hot stove it hurts, but you never do that again.

I second that. I hate spanking my kids. Literally makes me want to ball like a baby, BUT, sometimes situations call for it. I believe a child needs a healthy blend talking, mentoring, timeouts and so on, but at what point do the repeated timeouts and solutions turn into a spanking.

My aunts kids I mentioned in my first post are both little monsters. They RULE the house and they know it. Both parents just "talk" them through a punishment that is usually reciprocated with eye rolls and sighs. They are to the point that when they are being watched by my wife and I and they are getting in trouble, they literally say " you can't do anything to us". I'd like to beat their parents for that.

If mom or dad would just come down hard SOMETIMES then 1- they would realize what could be done and 2- they probably wouldn't need to be gotten on to that often.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

I feel you homie. My girlfriend has a 3 and 2 year old. The 3 year old is something else. He is a huge fan of saying NO! Boy also gets up and gets into stuff all night long. It's a royal pain in the butt. I let her deal with it or her ex husband when the child goes to his house.

I aint hitting someone else's child. I know how I would feel when my ex gets in a relationship if the man were to smack one of my sons. That's my responsibility not some one elses.

As aggravating as the 3 year old is. I aint worried about it one way or another. Either they will get control of it, or I will tip out the door and be gone. It's win win for me.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Clayton have you tried a razor strop yet? I can tell you they work quite well. I aint spanking my kids with one. That's just me though.

[clayton86]

Allow me to come at this from a different perspective. I'm a geezer now, and my dad has been dead for 30 years now. I got spankings/whippings/beatings (call it what you will or whatever you want to ) from time to time. I remember the first time I lost some respect for my dad was a time when I took some corporal punishment for some alleged misdeed and he didn't bother to get my side of what happened first. I remember that I was a cub scout at the time, I knew my way around the library, and I did some research on how to get back at someone who was bigger/ stronger/ older/ richer than you were. Believe me, I had options in the early 60's, but my dad sobered up for a while and didn't beat me for that particular offense again.

I'm not a judge of your parenting style, I'd just point out that throughout history, ruling through fear has never had long term positive outcomes. It does solve short term problems and if you are ok with that, then ok.

You are an adult - allegedly - with X many years of life experience. That child has fewer years of life experience. If you can't figure out a way to bring out desired behavior outcomes from a child without pounding, spanking, whipping, beating, call it what you will, on them, what does that say about you? By the way, that is a totally fair question. One of the first rules of politics, (and all family relationships can be considered politics) is that you can catch more flies with honey.

Just something for you to consider before you bust out with a knee-jerk "I ought to bust that Kid" and then realize that you can't/shouldn't and then the resentment over what you can't/shouldn't do festers.

I don't spank my kids that often and it's always warranted. I Always feel bad after words especially with my three year old when it's just me and him he's such a sweetie and good boy. They always get fair warning and a count down before a spanking most of the time it comes from mouthing off or like the other day my three year old after being told to be careful around his sister looked me in the eyes laughed and poked her in the eye waking her up and making her cry so I swatted his hand. Quick he cried for 30 seconds kissed his sister and apologized then yelled at the other kids to be quiet and not wake the baby lol.

Last night I had a issue with the Gfs son as I was getting my kids ready to go to their grandparents he grabbed a pen and drew all over the brand new couch. I calmly asked him what he was doing and then he got up and ran to his mother and started balling that I was mean and screamed at him. I simply told my gf the whole story the kid lied then confessed he lied and admitted he did it and I just walked out and made the comment he's lucky he isn't my kid. I woulda had them scrubbing the marks out with me then sent them to bed early with out the tv on or something.

I did have to take the Nintendo wii away last night cuz they weren't sharing or playing nice so I punished all the kids and they all cried cuz I'm a meanie and put the remotes up out of reach and told them when they can play nice they can have it back.

[SirSnookalot]

This is obviously a package deal and at least half of it is tainted.

 

Believe it or not, there are suitable mates in this world, somewhere.

 

It's all about decisions.

 

btw - check your pockets one time - there is a good chance there's a Freak Magnet in one of them.

 

A-Jay

Being with a woman that has kids is a package deal, if the problem is too much then maybe looking around for a more ideal relationship may be best.  Everyone has their own idea of discipline, I'm pretty much in favor for the natural parents to administer it.

I have 2 step daughters, got them as teenagers.  The younger one was wild and ran around with an undesirable crowd, one day she come home with green hair on one side and the other shaved bald, lol.  We had her in drug rehap, didn't do much good.  Sent her out to California to work for her uncle, she found herself.  Went to AA and met a young man and they got married.  Moved back to his home town in Indiana, both finished school and became attorneys, she is a stay at home mom now and has published 3 books on child adoption.  I could not have a better step child, she turned out quite well.

[buzzed bait]

Keep your kids first man.  My dad dated a lady for quite a while that had a TURD and a half for a son.  Basically just a much less intelligent version of the kid from the Problem Child movies.  That kid damaged relationships between my dad, brother and ultimately led to my dad and the lady calling it off. 

I think such poor parenting and coddling is a real red flag for how easy manipulated a person can be.  I just say this to say you should worry about your kids first and foremost. 

[Felix77]

FWIW .... I married into a family with 3 children. We have since had one child of our own which totals 4. Our raising methods were not the same going in but in time there was consistency built with how we raise them. That was a lot of trial and error and "discussion". 7 years now and we are on the same page ...

It needs to be consistent and discipline has to be a part of it.

Good luck.

[slonezp]

Being with a woman that has kids is a package deal, if the problem is too much then maybe looking around for a more ideal relationship may be best.  Everyone has their own idea of discipline, I'm pretty much in favor for the natural parents to administer it.

I have 2 step daughters, got them as teenagers.  The younger one was wild and ran around with an undesirable crowd, one day she come home with green hair on one side and the other shaved bald, lol.  We had her in drug rehap, didn't do much good.  Sent her out to California to work for her uncle, she found herself.  Went to AA and met a young man and they got married.  Moved back to his home town in Indiana, both finished school and became attorneys, she is a stay at home mom now and has published 3 books on child adoption.  I could not have a better step child, she turned out quite well.

My stepdaughter is graduating college tomorrow with a BA in Marketing. I've been her dad since she was 6 and went thru all the trials and tribulations of raising a girl. She hit a few bumps in the road but has matured quite a bit the last couple years. Wish I could say the same for her brother. He's 22, unemployed and plays videogames. My son graduated college this year and turned out well. 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

[clayton86]

Things are starting to get on the same page just in time for Christmas. And those of you saying date a women with out kids must have never dated a single mom....lol