Help A Shy Guy Out

[Incognito]

     I've encountered a dilemma and I've made my decision to turn to my second family, the lovely people of Bassresource.  Growing up I've always been defined as two ways: the first, being "shy", the second, being "stuck-up." Out of those two I define myself as shy, not stuck-up because I don't hold myself higher than anyone.  If anything, I tend to put others before myself and I think their a better person than who I am.  So, shy has become my "title."  I really don't like it, though, because I'm actually a very outgoing person.  The only reason I'm defined as shy is because of my fears, which are self-disappointment and the lack of confidence.

    The fear of self-disappointment stems from childhood. Everything I did as a child I was the best at the particular task.  No matter what, I was the best, no joke. As I grew up, others soon became better and I always challenged myself to be the best.  Most of the time I would succeed, however, when I failed, I would be devastated because it was unnatural for me.  The fear of failing makes me not want to try anything new, even though I really want too.  

    The confidence issue probably comes because of 6th grade.  In 6th grade during study hall there were about five other students in the class with the homeroom teacher.  We were all talking and then the 7th grade science teacher walked in and said to me, "When did your voice get so deep?"

     I just looked at him confused and didn't know what to say, but the homeroom teacher did.  He said, "What are you talking about? He's still a little squeaker!"  They laughed a lot.

    This killed me on the inside because I was the tallest in the grade and was expected to be the most mature.  That lead me to talk in a much deeper tone, as some put it now, unnaturally deep, or even god status.  That event was terrible because all through high school people would just laugh at me when I talk.  Over the years I tried to talk with my normal voice, I just couldn't though.  This results in me being able to talk normal at my house with my family, just when I go out, I can't.  I hardly ever talk now because I know what's coming... I'm also not the fittest guy which plays a part in my confidence...

    When I don't talk, I think about what to say.  I'm now what people would consider awkward in conversation because I just don't know what to talk about, let alone, what to say to a person I've never met. 

    With the fear of self-disappointment and the lack in confidence, my dilemma is a tough one.  I'm a freshman at my local technical college, everyone commutes, and hardly anyone talks, which you think would be a good fit for me.  Only, I want to be more outgoing but I fear what people will think.  I know I shouldn't care what people say, but human nature says otherwise.  So, the problem.  I never really talked to many people so my conversation skills are probably sub-par, but there's this girl in my Cultural Anthropology class that is really pretty.  I don't think anyone else notices her because she appears to be shy just based off her body language.  She also does not talk.  I want to tell her shes beautiful, I just don't want to come off as a weirdo seeing that I've never talked to her.  With, what I consider, my terrible social skills I think intensely before I talk, and I've came up with what I would call an ice-breaker, but to the common folk, probably strange. Here it is, "I don't know if it's weird to say this because I've never said anything like this before and I don't want to weird you out, but I just wanted to say, you are really beautiful."  

    For all you that are more experienced, is that strange?  Or is a simple, "Hi, I'm Wyatt," better?  I'm not really looking to get into a conversation... At least not yet...

[Incognito]

     If you don't want to read the whole thing the last paragraph is the problem I need help with.

[A-Jay]

If this situation is truly affecting your quality of life - my advice is to seek professional help right away.

 

On the other hand, if you're simply just a little shy and wished you had a more confidence in yourself especially around women, you're probably not alone.

 

 To remedy that last paragraph, try this. 

 

Grit your teeth, curl your little toes up in your shoes & Man up for crying out loud. 

 

Life will bring you a whole lot more in the way of challenges than saying "Hi" to a college girl.

 

Get a hold of your self Bud.

 

A-Jay

[Incognito]

If this situation is truly affecting your quality of life - my advice is to seek professional help right away.

 

On the other hand, if you're simply just a little shy and wished you had a more confidence in yourself especially around women, you're probably not alone.

 

 To remedy that last paragraph, try this. 

 

Grit your teeth, curl your little toes up in your shoes & Man up for crying out loud. 

 

Life will bring you a whole lot more in the way of challenges than saying "Hi" to a college girl.

 

Get a hold of your self Bud.

 

A-Jay

      Lol. Everything you say to me makes sense...lol

[Catch and Grease]

I'm not a player but just talk to her man. Don't over complicate it, she's human too!

[deaknh03]

Think of the reward if she likes you!!

[clayton86]

Jack Daniels, beer of choice, my favorite some red stag all will do the trick

[Darren.]

Asking a girl out is easy for some guys, but excruciatingly painful and difficult for others.

 

I was not very good at it in high school, so I just avoided asking any girls out. I was pretty confident in other areas of life, just not *that* area. Confidence developed after high school for me, and ultimately, having graduated college, etc., I found the best woman ever - for me. And she said "yes".

 

Don't overthink it. Don't try to "make it happen" - just let it happen. Strike up a conversation about the class you share. You might scare her off by telling her how pretty she is. That can be said later, once the ice is broken. Be friendly, be a friend, first and foremost.

[A-Jay]

Jack Daniels, beer of choice, my favorite some red stag all will do the trick

 

 

Nice - and you're probably one heck of a good dancer after that as well.

 

 

 

A-Jay

[Incognito]

     Re-reading this post I made is embarrassing me.  Lol, what was I thinking...  Oh well, lol

[Catch and Grease]

Invest in sex panther cologne. Remember 60% of the time, it works every time.

[A-Jay]

     Re-reading this post I made is embarrassing me.  Lol, what was I thinking...  Oh well, lol

 

 

Forget it - It's all good.

 

Through out your Whole Life - Just Be Yourself.

 

You really have no other choice - everyone else is already taken.

 

A-Jay

[slonezp]

If you have no expectations, you will never be disappointed

[Jrob78]

When I was in highschool and in college I had some of the same problems.  I would overthink what I was going to say and end up sounding like a moron.  I was fine with people I was comfortable with but not so good with strangers, in certain situations.  As I got older, I became more comfortable in my own skin and all of that went away.  I don't know what good that does you now but I grew out of it and I'm sure you will too.  Confidence is the name of the game.

 

Sit next to the girl and try to make small talk, hard I know.  If you try to go at her with some well rehearsed speech, it probably isn't going to come out right.  Try to let it happen naturally.  If she's also interested in you she will make an effort as well.  Good luck.

[Incognito]

If you have no expectations, you will never be disappointed

       That quotes up for debate on whether it's good or bad.  But I like it because it makes sense

[Incognito]

When I was in highschool and in college I had some of the same problems.  I would overthink what I was going to say and end up sounding like a moron.  I was fine with people I was comfortable with but not so good with strangers, in certain situations.  As I got older, I became more comfortable in my own skin and all of that went away.  I don't know what good that does you now but I grew out of it and I'm sure you will too.  Confidence is the name of the game.

 

Sit next to the girl and try to make small talk, hard I know.  If you try to go at her with some well rehearsed speech, it probably isn't going to come out right.  Try to let it happen naturally.  If she's also interested in you she will make an effort as well.  Good luck.

     I'd sit next to her but I sit next to a guy that I use to play soccer against, and he fishes... Constant conversation...

[Catch and Grease]

Bass before (insert bad language here)

[Josh Smith]

Dude, smile, nod and wink, then read the body language.

 

Ask her about herself.  People love to talk about themselves.  Girls especially.

 

I've never related to others well because my brain works so differently.  I'm not shy, exactly, but so much of normal conversation is hard for me because I don't understand its relevance.  (My nickname in high school was "Rainman".)

 

Let people who like to talk, talk.  At least that is what finally started working for me.  Give her an opening and you'll learn more about her than you probably ever wanted to know.

 

Josh

[Josh Smith]

P.S.  Chicks just adore guys who are such good listeners! 

[VolFan]

Hold a door for her, compliment something interesting she's wearing (not a body part), or ask her a question about your class. Then say "your name's >insert her name here< Righ? I'm >insert your name here<". Make very small talk, weather, anything about her. Check to see if you've been tased or maced, and/or if she's walking or running away. If none of the above have happened, walk her to her car or next class and see if she wants to get a cup of coffee, smoothie, burger etc sometime. Check to see if you've been tased or maced or if she's dialed a 9 followed by a 1.... If not, set date/time and/or get phone number. Hardest part is getting the first few words out.

[Incognito]

Hold a door for her, compliment something interesting she's wearing (not a body part), or ask her a question about your class. Then say "your name's >insert her name here< Righ? I'm >insert your name here<". Make very small talk, weather, anything about her. Check to see if you've been tased or maced, and/or if she's walking or running away. If none of the above have happened, walk her to her car or next class and see if she wants to get a cup of coffee, smoothie, burger etc sometime. Check to see if you've been tased or maced or if she's dialed a 9 followed by a 1.... If not, set date/time and/or get phone number. Hardest part is getting the first few words out.

     LOL.  Good advice and yet funny

[mc6524]

Remember one important thing....no matter what anyone tells you or says.... IT IS YOU THAT GIVE THOSE WORDS CREDIBILITY. So thing less what others might say and be yourself. If you show respect, and thing more of the other person than yourself, you will do fine.

I would suggest you start a conversation with the lady and get to know her. In time telling ger sae is a beautiful lady in every aspect will be more meaningful to her and gain her respect....

[Tony L.]

I liked your "hi I'm Wyatt" approach. Its always safe not to come on too strong. Telling a girl that she is beautiful is certainly incredibly flattering, but probably a compliment best saved for the first date.

If you guys are in the same class, it shouldn't be too hard to come up with another icebreaker because you already have that much in common. Then you can introduce yourself, ask her about where she came from and what brought her to the same school that you are attending, etc... if you have a good feeling about where it is going, ask her to get together sometime. If you don't feel a connection or learn that she is already seeing someone, you aren't out anything and have nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe continue making small talk and try again at a different time.

In any case, you aren't dating her now. If you ask her out and she says "no", that really doesn't change anything from your current situation. The way I see it, you have absolutely nothing to lose, but the potential of a whole lot to gain. My advice though would be to do it quick, because if you have noticed the cute girl in class, there is a good chance that someone else might not be too far behind you.

[tipptruck1]

You never said if she has a boyfriend. You might want to scout that info. If she is seeing some one. Find out if he is bigger then you. If he is not open season. In reality I would find a new woman. A few minutes of fun. Is not worth a butt kicking, or worst.

If she is single. You must approach her like shes a deer. Woman spook very easily. Do not run towards her. Screaming and beating you chest. Other wise you might get tased or maced. Also smile when approaching her. Make so you do nor have the creap smile.

Once you have made first contact. Speak words she can under stand. No grunting. That means compelete sentences. They can under stand us. We can not under stand them. Also talk to her like a real person. Not like she is one of your buddy's. We talk different to them.

Now that your are talking to her. You have to use your manners. The ones your mother taught you. Not the ones dad taught you. So no picking your nose. Then flicking the boogers across the room. Try not to burp or fart. As fun as that is to do. Woman do not find that funny. If she is gifted up top. Keep in eye contact at all times. Also keep your hand visble to her at all time. Other wise she might think your a creap.

One more thing. Make sure you are some what groomed and clean. Smell and look like you know what a shower is.

In the end be your self. Show some confidence in your self. Not to munch though. In the end she might like you. Even if you do not win her over. It is practice for the next time.

[kickerfish1]

Volfan has pretty good advice.

I may add or highlight a few things. First since you share the same class together start with topics like an up coming test or homework assignment. Ask her what she thought of it. If she found it easy just ask her how she approached it to get a good grade. From there you can ask her what she is studying or anything school related.

After a few weeks go by I would see if she would be willing to be a study buddy for an upcoming test in that class and try to meet her at the library,student lounge, or a coffee shop. If she likes you as a friend or sees something more there chances are she will agree to it.

Now that you have essentially isolated her away from the classroom setting you can do one of two things depending upon how things are going. You can continue being study buddies and classmates or possibly ask her out for something non school related. Before doing so it would help to know her interests. School sporting events, a concert, party, etc. At this point it will be up to you and her as to wether or not something is there for any future dates and possibly a relationship. You may find out you are or are not compatible once you get beyond looks.

After you have had her out for a non school related date then tell her how beautiful she is but I wouldn't start perusing anyone this way unless you are at bar looking for a one night stand.

Lastly outside of the voice possibly look into a gym membership or a home gym. It would relieve stress not to mention help reshape your body thus improving your confidence.

Good luck and remember even if you don't get anywhere with her keep trying. It may not have anything to do with you and maybe she doesn't want or have time for a relationship. Oh and always be yourself.