You Couldn't Make This Stuff Up

[flippin and pitchin]

I was dispatched to a motel today to check on a guy stumbling into traffic and the caller felt they were on heroin. I see the guy make it into his room and he looks bad. He immediately starts eating Doritos. I tell him he doesn't look like he's doing Okay and ask him when he used last. He says he doesn't use drugs, it's a reaction from the Doritos because they are made with genetically engineered corn. Makes sense to me, have a nice day !

Last week, I see a guy driving a nice pickup and he's going from curb to curb like a pinball machine. I do the normal flip the overheads on and burp the siren and he pulls up on the sidewalk. I walk up and light up the cab to see him open a bottle cologne and guzzle about 4 ounces. Who needs Tic Tacs ? I asked him for his license and he takes about four minutes to go through his wallet and hands me a condom. I told him he was making a hasty judgement about me. I think he has to blow into a tube to start his truck now.

I few weeks ago I go to a DV ( domestic violence for you rookies ) and the male half jumps out the back window in his tighty whiteys and takes off running. The youngins chase him on foot for about 8 blocks and I, being the seasoned veteran with bad knees drive my PC and stop him after he's run beyond his limits and apply handcuffs that are properly fitted and double locked of course. One of the junior beans who was a runner comes up and says he's going to take Prefontaine and put him in the back seat of his car. I tell him, NO. Just let him sit there for a minute and he can thank me later. A minute goes by and tightly whitey pukes his guts out on the street at curb side. I looked at junior bean and said " extreme exertion creates lactic acid and that results in projectile vomit. It's nice not to have to clean out the back seat huh ? You owe me coffee. "

I love my job.

[Redlinerobert]

hahahaha. 

 

That's hilarious. 

 

By the way, thank you for doing what you do.  In California we have an organization called the 11/99 Foundation.  It benefits the families of fallen officers.  I've been a lifetime member since 2004. 

[Bluebasser86]

It never fails to amaze me, just when I think I've seen it all, some goofball proves me wrong. Ever seen someone try to commit suicide by drowning themselves in a public toilet? I have 

 

This is an old video, and even though it's not real it's not far off from the truth either. (warning-some strong language)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04wTbmTCbLk

[Fishing Rhino]

Here's a funny tale about a cop.  And this guy went on to become the chief of police in Westport.  Circa: late 1950s.

 

My buddy had just got his license, and we were out joy riding around town one afternoon when a cruiser pulled up behind us, turned on the bubble gum machine, and sounded the siren.  We pulled over.

 

The officer walked up to the car, looking it over, and asked for a license and registration.  The car was a yellow Studebaker coupe. 

 

The cop went to the cruiser, and came back in a few minutes, explaining that there was a report of a stolen yellow two door Studebaker.  He said that the car didn't match the description because they were on the lookout for a two door car.

 

My friend said, "This is a two door."

 

The cop replied, "No, you know what I mean.  Two doors on each side."

 

Cops have their moments too.
 

[Sam]

Great reports from all.

 

What a country!

[Fishing Rhino]

Same cop, a few years later. 

 

We were out cruising one night when my buddy's car broke down.  The cops came by while on patrol, and gave us a lift to the police station so we could call someone to get us and bring something to tow the vehicle home.

 

While we were waiting, the two door cop came into the office, carrying a couple of smooth rounded stones.  Someone had been breaking windows in one section of the town, and he gathered those for evidence. 

 

He tried to impress us with his detective work, telling us that he knew they came from the beach because he licked one and it was salty.  My friend told him that maybe a cow had peed on the rock earlier in the day. 

 

The cop behind the desk did a 180 on his swivel chair so that Joe could not see him laughing.  My friend managed to keep a straight face, and when what he said had sunk in Joe got a sour look on his face.

[Oregon Native]

Thanks for sharing...thanks for serving.

[A-Jay]

"hands me a condom. I told him he was making a hasty judgement about me.

 

LOL~

 

That's was a coffee Sprayer right there . . . . . .

 

Thanks I needed that.

 

A-Jay

[Teal]

Haha. Makes me miss police work...

[Stlbob]

i used to shoot with a lot of lot of Feds and state troop.Heard all the funny stuff and the horror stories..let me tell you they could get on a roll and i would laugh so hard it would hurt.then they would get serious and tell stories that always made me appreciate what they do..

 

I have a lot of respect for our city cops.where we live its very nice,quiet,safe and peaceful.Only area left in St.Louis city like it and we fight hard to keep it that way...I have been pulled over three times since i started to carry and not once has the cop that pulled me over been a jerk.BUT i always turn on the dome a hand at 10 and 2 with my license,insurnace card,and my CCW card all stuck in y fingers..with NO sudden movements.Its funny each time the coppers have always asked me what the hell are you doing...i always say the same thing im legally armed.

its always funny when they get it..ask where is it,inside my waist band..now 2 wanted to take it out the last guy let me..lol

 

any leo out there tell me,how do you want an armed citizen to let you know he is armed..?

[slonezp]

If you guys are interested in some good reads, more than a few of my family members are Chicago PD active and retired. Here's a blog with some funny stories, and some serious ones from 2 of them https://onbeingacop.com/blog/

[cbass12]

i used to shoot with a lot of lot of Feds and state troop.Heard all the funny stuff and the horror stories..let me tell you they could get on a roll and i would laugh so hard it would hurt.then they would get serious and tell stories that always made me appreciate what they do..

 

I have a lot of respect for our city cops.where we live its very nice,quiet,safe and peaceful.Only area left in St.Louis city like it and we fight hard to keep it that way...I have been pulled over three times since i started to carry and not once has the cop that pulled me over been a jerk.BUT i always turn on the dome a hand at 10 and 2 with my license,insurnace card,and my CCW card all stuck in y fingers..with NO sudden movements.Its funny each time the coppers have always asked me what the hell are you doing...i always say the same thing im legally armed.

its always funny when they get it..ask where is it,inside my waist band..now 2 wanted to take it out the last guy let me..lol

 

any leo out there tell me,how do you want an armed citizen to let you know he is armed..?

I don"t work the road, overpaid babysitter, but the way you did it would work for me if I did. My only experience with traffic stops have been from ride-alongs with co-workers and academy training so take that for what it's worth.

[A-Jay]

If you guys are interested in some good reads, more than a few of my family members are Chicago PD active and retired. Here's a blog with some funny stories, and some serious ones from 2 of them https://onbeingacop.com/blog/

 

Thanks for sharing that link -  very good reading..  Now That's a Reality show.

 

A-Jay

[slonezp]

Thanks for sharing that link -  very good reading..  Now That's a Reality show.

 

A-Jay

Glad you enjoyed it. I will let them know they have another fan.

[Bluebasser86]

i used to shoot with a lot of lot of Feds and state troop.Heard all the funny stuff and the horror stories..let me tell you they could get on a roll and i would laugh so hard it would hurt.then they would get serious and tell stories that always made me appreciate what they do..

 

I have a lot of respect for our city cops.where we live its very nice,quiet,safe and peaceful.Only area left in St.Louis city like it and we fight hard to keep it that way...I have been pulled over three times since i started to carry and not once has the cop that pulled me over been a jerk.BUT i always turn on the dome a hand at 10 and 2 with my license,insurnace card,and my CCW card all stuck in y fingers..with NO sudden movements.Its funny each time the coppers have always asked me what the hell are you doing...i always say the same thing im legally armed.

its always funny when they get it..ask where is it,inside my waist band..now 2 wanted to take it out the last guy let me..lol

 

any leo out there tell me,how do you want an armed citizen to let you know he is armed..?

The way you did it is fine. Main thing is to be upfront about it so they know right away that you're carrying. A traffic stop is an extremely tense situation to start with, knowing that the contact has a gun as well makes the tension go up a ton, so if the officer is maybe not the nicest person after you tell them that, mostly likely it's because his blood pressure just skyrocketed. Letting the officer know right out of the gate that you're legally armed is the best thing you can do. Leave your hands on steering wheel and most importantly DO NOT reach for it unless the officer instructs you to do so, just like you did. Most all the officers I know are happy to see legally armed good guys out there, because goodness knows there's plenty of illegally armed bad guys out there.

[flippin and pitchin]

"hands me a condom. I told him he was making a hasty judgement about me.

 

LOL~

 

That's was a coffee Sprayer right there . . . . . .

 

Thanks I needed that.

 

A-Jay

A-Jay, I worked with a guy named Bob who has since retired. We were having coffee one morning when we used to have time to do that and he was taking a gulp as I told the punch line to a joke. Bob couldn't even swallow and the coffee came out his nose. I gave him the nick-name " air pot " and he still wants to kick my butt for that.