Dear Raider,

[Raider Nation Fisher]

After reading the appalling advice given by a well known columnist today, to some namby pamby, tofu farting, deer hugging, aunt/baker. I have decided to start my own column. It will effectively be called "Dear Raider". What better way to mock and ridicule, I mean give good heartfelt advice to the poor distrest people of the interweb and world. Please feel free to solicit free advice. Just remember its worth what you gave for it.

Dear Raider is written and hosted by Alabama's own, Raidernayshay' Van Rotten.

[slonezp]

Is this a free service?

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Is this a free service?

Of course it is. I give advice whether it is solicited or not anyway.

If I charge money for it I risk being sued because someone got their feelings hurt.

[slonezp]

Dear Raider,

Why am I having difficulty finding a job? Is it because I'm not pretty enough? 

Signed,

Unemployed and Ugly

[Fishing Rhino]

Dear Raider,

 

I have been told by many that continuing to read your inane advice, and responding to it will stunt my growth.  Is this true?

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Dear Raider,

Why am I having difficulty finding a job? Is it because I'm not pretty enough? 

Signed,

Unemployed and Ugly

Dear Unemployed and Ugly,

Its because your looking in the wrong places for work. Also its because you were/are a pipefitter. Should have been an Electrician.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Dear Raider,

I have been told by many that continuing to read your inane advice, and responding to it will stunt my growth. Is this true?

Dear Rhino,

I'm not sure if it does or not. However if it does that's a big win. Cause midgets are freaking AWESOME!! The world can always use more midgets. So by all means keep reading.

[Jigfishn10]

Dear Raider,

 

I am not looking for advice, I am letting you know that my wife questioned why I blocked every referenced base website...encyclopedia, dictionary, wikipedia, etc...on every computer, tablet and cell phone in our family home. I told her that after reading 3,000 plus posts from an individual on Bass Resource, I came to the conclusion that those referenced based websites are not needed because Raider Nation Fisher knows f#$*ki@g everything!

 

P.S.

 

Keep up the good work and thank you for this free service.

[slonezp]

Dear Raider,

What brand BBQ should I buy next? My Brinkmanns only last a few years, although my Brinkmann smoker has stood the test of time. I BBQ year round at least 3-4 days a week. I'm thinking of going back to a Weber Kettle. Is this the best choice, or are there others I should consider? The grill will not be used for squirrel wings, if that matters.

Signed

My oven is broken

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Dear my oven is broken,

Go with the Weber. My dads is still going strong after 16 years. It is used 6 days a week rain or shine.

[.ghoti.]

Dear Raider, how do you spell distressed?

Signed,

Long Mike

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Dear Raider, how do you spell distressed?

Signed,

Long Mike

Dear Long Mike,

That's how my phone said to spell it. I'm an electrician, not an English major.

[deaknh03]

Dear Raider,

I have a psychotic redneck that frequents my restaraunt. He constantly asks for sweet and sour squirrel wings, and always asks for me to put the tv on the raider game. I have asked him to leave with the help of a soup ladle, but I think he may be a tad "slow" if you know what I mean. How can I get it thru to him that squirrels dont have wings, and the raiders should have been contracted 10 years ago?

[Jolly Green]

Dear Raider,

 

My dad says grounding in the US is a bunch of hooey since the ground just goes to the neutral bus bar. Can you drink on the bus too or only at the bar?

[Fishing Rhino]

Dear Raider, how do you spell distressed?

Signed,

Long Mike

 

Dear Raider, allow me the privilege of answering the question.

 

There are several ways of spelling distressed, including, but not limited to the following.

 

abashed, afflicted, agitated, agonized, annoyed, anxious, badly off, beset, bothered, cast down, chagrined, chapfallen, confused, convulsed, crucified, discomfited, discomforted, discomposed, disconcerted, disquieted, distracted, distrait, disturbed, down to bedrock, embarrassed, feeling the pinch, harassed, hard up, harrowed, hung up, hurt, hurting, ill at ease, ill off, impecunious, , in distress, in narrow circumstances, in pain, in reduced circumstances, in straitened circumstances, inconvenienced, irked, lacerated, land-poor, martyred, martyrized, mortified, narrow, on the edge, on the rack, out of countenance, out of pocket, pained, perturbed, pinched, plagued, poor, poorly off, put to it, put-out, put-upon, puzzled, racked, reduced, short, short of cash, short of funds, short of money, sore beset, squeezed, straitened, strapped, suffering, tormented, tortured, troubled, twisted, uncomfortable, under the harrow, uneasy, unmoneyed, unprosperous, upset, vexed, worried, wounded, wrung

[Jigfishn10]

Dear Raider,

I have a psychotic redneck that frequents my restaraunt. He constantly asks for sweet and sour squirrel wings, and always asks for me to put the tv on the raider game. I have asked him to leave with the help of a soup ladle, but I think he may be a tad "slow" if you know what I mean. How can I get it thru to him that squirrels dont have wings, and the raiders should have been contracted 10 years ago?

I'll help you Raider:

 

The easy answer is: You can't get thru to him.

 

Easy peasy ladle wielding japanesey.

[gr8outdoorz]

Dear Raider,

Why do avid fishermen live up north where their lakes & ponds freeze over? Where they can only fish 7-8 months of the year? Where they are stuck inside the house 3 months straight so they go stir crazy & start thread after thread about how sick of winter they are and how they can't wait till spring to come? Why would anyone want to subject themselves to such things when there are lots of places wherethey can fish all year? Jus sayin...

Signed,

Fishes comfortably all year

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Dear Raider,

Why do avid fishermen live up north where their lakes & ponds freeze over? Where they can only fish 7-8 months of the year? Where they are stuck inside the house 3 months straight so they go stir crazy & start thread after thread about how sick of winter they are and how they can't wait till spring to come? Why would anyone want to subject themselves to such things when there are lots of places wherethey can fish all year? Jus sayin...

Signed,

Fishes comfortably all year

Dear Fishes Comrtably All Year,

Its because they are Sadist. They like suffering through those tough winter months of no fishing. Yankees are strange creatures.

[Fishing Rhino]

Dear Fishes Comrtably All Year,

Its because they are Sadist. They like suffering through those tough winter months of no fishing. Yankees are strange creatures.

 

Now you've lost all credibility. 

 

A sadist enjoys infllicting pain on others.  The proper word would have been masochist, a person who enjoys having others hurt him/her.

 

Apparently you must have been asleep when Sensei Long Mike explained the proper, grammatical use of those two words.

[Teal]

Dear Raider,

What do you think of guys who are members of a popular fishing forum, but they RARELY discuss fishing or fishing gear.? It would seem they are important and core members but the general community on said forums don't know who they are as fisherman.

Hell I still think said person is the UNDERCOVER moderator and unquestioned ruler of the everything else forum. Lol

[A-Jay]

Dear Raider ~

 

 This is Great.  Being able to tap into your vast book of knowledge & experience is such a blessing.  I feel so fortunate to have the ability to ask you questions.  I just have so many swirling around inside my head.  Here's my top ten . . . .

 

1. What do you do if you fall off a cliff ?

2. What does Grinch Mean Time mean ?

3. How many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house ?

4. What would happen if you were naked in space ?

5. Why is there no pine or apples in pineapples ?

6. Can you get a Black Belt in origami ?

7. What do you call it when people pull your pants down ?

8. Will tacos one day take over the world ?

9. Is it safe to sleep on the roof ?

10. What does Smurf meat taste like ?

 

Thanks in advance

 

A-Jay

[deaknh03]

Dear Raider ~

This is Great. Being able to tap into your vast book of knowledge & experience is such a blessing. I feel so fortunate to have the ability to ask you questions. I just have so many swirling around inside my head. Here's my top ten . . . .

1. What do you do if you fall off a cliff ?

2. What does Grinch Mean Time mean ?

3. How many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house ?

4. What would happen if you were naked in space ?

5. Why is there no pine or apples in pineapples ?

6. Can you get a Black Belt in origami ?

7. What do you call it when people pull your pants down ?

8. Will tacos one day take over the world ?

9. Is it safe to sleep on the roof ?

10. What does Smurf meat taste like ?

Thanks in advance

A-Jay

11. Why is it called "taking" a dump?

[A-Jay]

11. Why is it called "taking" a dump?

 

Hey,  - Start your own list - This is serious.

 

 

A-Jay

[deaknh03]

Hey, - Start your own list - This is serious.

my apologies, but I've been haunted by this question since I quit diapers.

[A-Jay]

Hey, - Start your own list - This is serious.

my apologies, but I've been haunted by this question since I quit diapers.

 

 

Well your prays will no doubt be answered very soon by the Man Himself - Raider. 

 

It's a Blessed Day.

 

A-Jay